with ducks in mind

Yesterday was suppose to rain in Jacksonville and I heard the museum wasn’t very good so we planned on doing a bunch of nothing on a lovely girls Sunday afternoon.

But our day turned out so much more eventful than a bunch of nothing! The girls and I met a close friend (whom I use to babysit for when I was a teenager- I know, I know, Im getting old) for lunch at Olive Garden. We had such a nice time getting to know his fiancé, she’s darling!

After lunch we joined them at a beautiful park to feed the ducks, which turned out to be turtles, but no one cared because throwing bread into dirty water is just plain ol’ fun for a couple of kids!

The girls threw, tossed, heaved and hurled bread towards the turtles. They ripped, rolled, wadded and threw in some whole pieces in too. The hot, hot, hot was showing in Kid4’s cheeks, they were blazing red as she teetered on the edge of the pond. Falling in would have cooled her off but lets be honest I would not have taken dirty green turtle water well, and Kid2 would have been really sad if I had hurled her in after her sister to save myself. It might have ended a sensational girl’s weekend on a bad note.

We had a marvelous time in Jacksonville and can’t wait to go again really soon for more wonderful adventures with old friends and awesome new ones too!

we came, we saw, we conquered- we're pooped

A hot but great day was had by all.

We zoo-ed all day.
We giraffe-d
We elephant-ed
We leapord-ed
We zebra-ed
We're pooped
We're hot.
We're tired.
We're all zoo-ed out.
What a great girls day!

on the road.... story of my life (I love my life story by the way)

We packed up the girls and headed for Jacksonville yesterday evening. We're having a girls weekend full of the zoo a childrens museum, the beach and whatever they want to eat and see- Kid4 would pick McDonalds and who could blame her it's American Girl toys! Kid2 would rather eat at a cool place downtown- we can accomadate both girls I'm sure.

Today we are heading to the zoo to spend the afternoon gawking at caged animals and ooing and awwwing over how cute they are and reminding Kid4 that NO! We cannot touch or take them home. After the zoo we are meeting good friends for dinner downtown.

Tomorrow we are hitting the childrens museum (It's suppose to rain tomorrow) and then heading home after a great meal somewhere else... somewhere over the great blue bridge! Kid4 loves the great big blue bridge, thats what we call it, I don't know what Jacksonville-onians call it. It's beautiful at night, I know that.

Have a good weekend friends, we will and of course I'll fill you in on our great adventures later, next week, maybe even tonight if Im not whipped from a day of zoo-ing!

Wish you were here Bat Girl!

P.S. I got a haircut yesterday afternoon so thats my new hair... you know much the same but oh' so different, oh' so much better. Can I just say thanks to Holly for a great cut, excellent conversation and I think I better come in every morning for you to fix my hair... (you should see me today girl!) ...I could bring coffee (or Mt Dew)...!

one for the road

I realize there is no spell check on cardboard but seriously?!

awwwwww.........

Just look at us!

Not as welcoming to some

I had a visitor this afternoon.

I LOVE visitors!

I was not as welcoming to this guy as I am usually.

Mr. B. came home and rescued me from this Georgia King Snake.

I have to say though that the snake was pretty friendly. We knew he lived in the front garden and have been happy to have him as he keeps mice and other snakes away but I really didn't want him to move into the garage!

I was on the phone with Mr. B. when I discovered him, he could tell I was kind of freaking out.

He rushed home to save this damsel in distress.

Thank God for a sweet husband to save me!

Dogs a plenty

This was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. When the guy walked out of his door, these adorable little chihuahua's lovingly jumped all over him! The owners wondered why I was pulled over taking pictures of their dogs but I just couldn't resist!

CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!

delightfully deceiving food

Kid4 cracks me up!

Kid4- "MOM, guess what was pretending to a be a grape?"

Me-"I don't know? What?"

Kid4- (laughing) "a olive! "

I laughed so hard because if your expecting a grape and bite into an olive that IS a surprise.

L-I-Q-U-O-R

Here’s a story that I totally forgot about until we went to our favorite place to eat in Colorado Springs.

We planned to eat at Conway’s Red Top while in Colorado Springs because it’s history is rich, we know the Conway’s and Red Top is SO Colorado Springs! We use to eat there a lot when the kids were little and here’s the story to prove it.

When Kid1 was a little boy he really struggled to read, he just could NOT read a single word. We tried so hard to teach him. We bought the Bob books; we read and read to him. He finished Kindergarten and half of 1st grade and still couldn’t read. We were really stressing about it around our house!

At school he had the sweetest teacher named Mrs. Mouser and she had the kids keep "daily word journals" that they brought home once a week for us to sign and enjoy. Kid1 mostly drew pictures and wrote some letters here and there and sweet, sweet Mrs. Mouser kept reassuring us that he would in time read and write. We seriously doubted it!

One day the little 1st grade journal came home and I opened it up and lo and behold there was a written word. Guess what it said? (it was written just like this)

L
I
Q
U
O
R

I was shocked to say the least! We didn’t even drink "liquor"in our house! I was totally perplexed and feeling like I was surely screwing up my first born somehow…. the no reading and now "liquor". There must have been a reason that my kid couldn’t read his own name but he could spell the word “Liquor”!

For days, I wondered and worried… until…..

We sat at our usual corner table at Conway’s Red Top in Colorado Springs one night waiting for our ginormously tasty burgers and I looked out the window to see this

I breathed a sigh of relief…. to say the least!

Oh yeah and Kid1 is an excellent reader and obviously observant.
WHEW, what a relief!

Doing what he does best!

Remember when I wrote this post about Mr. B. and his obsession with clean windows?

Here he is again, neck brace and all making sure our windows are acceptable for the road!

Is he the greatest or what?!

The boys birthday burgers...

What’s the best cake to make for a 13 year old boy?

???

I wasn’t sure either!

Boys like burgers right?
Everyone likes burgers right?
Burgers it is!

("brownie burgers and sugar cookie fries")

We're not in Kansas anymore.... Jesus?

Grandma Hoerner's had the best coffee and tea selection!

Have you ever driven through Kansas? I’m not saying it’s not a great state, because it certainly has wonderful things. Maybe I should ask like this; have you ever driven the entire state on I-70. That route tends to be a little boring.

We left home at 330pm on Wednesday and headed for St. Louis. Can I just say by the way that the city of St. Louis is gorgeous, and THAT arch… WOW! Can I also say as a side note that if you ever have the chance to go up in the arch, unless you’re claustrophobic you should. (I did not realize I was claustrophobic until I was already in the elevator and thought I might die).

I barely remember St. Louis because I was so tired. We arrived at the hotel sometime between 1 and 3…. The whole trip is a bit of a blur!

When we got up in the morning we headed straight west for Kansas. A good share of our day was spent on the plains of Kansas. I-70 is boring, it just is. I said the whole way through Kansas that it would be a whole lot better if we could stop and do a few things. So we drove…. And stopped and pottied and drove….. and stopped and ate and drove…..

As we drove I said a couple of times to Bat Girl…. “Was that Jesus?” If you think I’m crazy then you have never driven through Kansas! We weren’t really sure as we whizzed by. On the way home we were much more observant and realized that there are many painted billboards of Jesus on I-70. Have you seen Jesus with his head sticking out of the wheat? You really should consider driving through Kansas…. Really! Yes, it can be boring but it also has a really rare beauty that is worth seeing and experiencing for yourself.

I’m an avid reader of Meg Duerksen’s whatever blog and so I was really looking forward to Kansas, the sunflowers and the wheat. I kept saying “we are like 45 minutes north of Newton Kansas”… I wanted to go through Newton so badly! I am dying to see Megs house… I am dying to have lunch with Meg, not that I actually know her, but I love her blog!

On the way home I was tired and resting my eyes and as I turned and struggled to get comfortable my eyes opened for a second and I looked out at the open fields and much to my surprise/dismay the water tower above said “Newton, Kansas” and I jumped up and said “Are you kidding me? Meg lives here”! (We went a different way home)… I felt so sad to tell Newton goodbye without even a glimpse of Meg! Go figure she doesn’t live right off the highway… it’s kind of like when we went to Savannah and saw neither hide nor hair of Ruby!

Seriously… does anyone have pictures of the paintings of Jesus in Kansas? I knew I would regret not stopping…. I’ve searched online for pictures and nada… was it all a mirage? Jesus? Wheat Jesus? Surely I didn’t imagine the whole thing?

finding a fantastic family

you know how I am about putting other peoples pictures on my blog if I haven't asked them... so here is the M family,

but trust me they are not this blurry in person!

Our Big Girls husband the perfect man has the most amazing family! I was expecting them to be great because he’s great but WOW, I was blown away by their kindness, compassion and understanding towards others.

Wonderful families are really hard to come by and I feel so blessed to have met this family and am looking forward to having a long time friendship with them, getting to know and love them even more.

Isn’t that big girl such a great judge of character?! I am so impressed with her!

Dear M. family,
What an amazing family you are! I was more than impressed by each and every one of you! I watched you so close during this very quick weekend and wondered many times how you raised such pleasant, caring and unselfish kids. I just wanted to spend all day picking your brains so I could follow your lead and use all your parenting secrets on my children. I was in awe at the closeness of your kids and how kind they both were to others! I have prayed many times since that weekend and thanked God for the opportunity to meet you and how blessed my “big girl” is to have you for her family too!

Thanks for a wonderful weekend and I can’t wait to hang out with you again really soon!

Chicken pox was good to us this time around!

My older children had the pox when they were babies and poor Kid1 was COVERED! Kids 2 and 3 shortly followed and also had the chicken pox but not nearly as bad as Kid1.

When we left for Colorado Kid2 gave Kid4 a quick shower and off we went. When we stopped that night… errrrrr….. early the next morning to rest our weary heads I changed Kid4 into her nightgown and noticed she had some bumps on her tummy- weird.

We were too tired to really investigate any further. We slept.

The next morning when I dressed Kid4 in her little travelling dress I noticed more little bumps on her tummy-weird. I wondered for a minute if it had been a spider… I’m deathly afraid of spiders so I dismissed it as weird. I was in denial. (remember from this post how I love denial?)

We loaded up in St. Louis and headed onward to Colorado Springs, excited about seeing our Big Girl and our friends and family there. In Kansas Bat Girl and I were talking and I mentioned the bumps and wondered if it were possible that they were chicken pox… we shrugged not knowing and drove on.

Halfway through Kansas I looked back in the rearview at all my kiddlings tucked into the car with headphones on and blankets wrapped around them all quiet and settled in I noticed Kid4 had taken off her dress…. She had about 30 new little bumps on her tummy and chest. I told Bat Girl to look back at her and we both looked at each other and laughed and said “chicken pox”.

That was that.

We rolled into Colorado Springs, went to the Dr. and had a confirmation.

Chicken pox it was.

Lets just say it made for an even more interesting trip.

Happy birthday Baby boy, I love you to infinity and beyond!

Once upon a time 13 years ago I held the squishiest, cuddliest baby boy in my arms and nuzzled him for hours and hours. I held him tight because I knew as the youngest of three I may not get to cuddle him as much once we got home.

Many months before I knew I was pregnant with him I had the strangest experience with a sparrow. Normally birds don’t flock to me but on this particular day as I walked to my house from my car a sparrow jumped onto my head and then my shoulder and WOULD NOT leave me. It hopped all over and even came inside with me. I had to shoooo it off me outside. It jumped onto me for a few days non stop; I started feeling like I couldn’t leave the house. A neighbor asked if I were pregnant saying that a sparrow on your shoulder means your pregnant.

Unbeknownst to me, I was pregnant with the most darling little boy you will ever meet. He exceeds the expectations of a son and person. He is amazing and passionate in everything that he does and I adore him!

As we left the hospital August 18th the day after he was born one kid walked one way, the other walked the other way, Kid3 lay in our full arms and Mr. B. and I looked at each other in a bit of a panic wondering if just maybe 3 was one too many? They outnumbered us now, but little did we know this little darling baby boy would be the easiest baby ever. He was easy to feed, slept like a champ and was not demanding at all. He was honestly perfect!

Fast forward 13 years

He wakes up everyday with a smile on his face; he honestly is the nicest person I have ever met. He is so genuine, real and honest. I am honored to be his mother and can’t believe that God chose him for me. What a gift he has been to us.

Dear Kid3
You utterly amaze me by your honesty and passion for whatever it is you are doing. You bring the most amazing energy to the room just by walking in. You have been the cuddliest, most loving and warm person I have ever met. I am honored daily that God chose me for you. As I watch you grow, I hope you know I love you more than I could have ever imagined loving anyone. I hope you know that I think you are as perfect as anyone can be. I hope you know that as you leave us next year for school that I will miss you to the very depths of my being every single day, but I know it's right for you. You bring me joy that is beyond description. I love you my son, my baby. I love you to infinity and beyond forever and ever and ever...

on this day we lost...

It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is… let them forget or remind them.

Remind them of the tragedy that IS this day, or let them dance about and enjoy this day with no memory of the loss.

It’s not that they don’t miss him, it’s not that they have forgotten, it’s that they don’t think of him on this particular day as a death date. It’s that they think of him often and miss him.

I wrote this post about my nephew in December. We lost him August 16th 2004- 5 years ago.

I remember the very minute we heard the news, I remember the whole day like it was yesterday- the phone call, the desperate confusion, the sick in the pit of my stomach. There is just no way describe the day.

I picked the kids up from school one at a time starting at 1pm so I could have alone time with each kid and be able to tell them the tragic news separately- so we could have time just one child and I. I picked them up from oldest to youngest.

First I picked up Kid1 and as he walked out towards me he knew by the look on my face that it was bad news. I hated that because I know he is so intuitive and there would be no way to hide my pain and sorrow. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I needed to tell him something important at home. We rode in silence. Standing on the porch he waited looking at me wanting to know the bad news and I told him: “Keoni was killed today, he is gone son. He was hit by a car and he is gone”. My oldest boy laid against me and cried, then he headed to bed and didn’t get out of bed for quite some time.

Next I headed back to school to get Kid2. She was so excited to see me and jabbered all the way home, never even knowing there was something wrong- such a girl! As we walked into the house she was yammering on and on about school and I had to interrupt her as I was about to burst into tears knowing I was going to ruin her whole day and many more to follow. I interrupted her saying that I had something very very sad to tell her. I told her how her beloved cousin whom she had spent hours on the beach playing with as a little girl was gone. I found myself saying over and over “He’s gone honey, he’s gone…. He’s just gone baby…..” She burst into tears of course and ran to her room to share her tears with her baby dolls and cry in private.

I was off again, exhausted and weary from telling the story over and over, heartbroken for my brother and not knowing how this would affect us all yet…. As soon as I saw my baby boy, Kid3 he was all smiles and bounded towards me thrilled to be leaving early. He hugged me happy to be with Momma earlier than he planned. I held him tight knowing I was about to break his heart. We walked to the car as he wondered but was afraid to ask why I was there… we got home and I told him, I told him the same things I had told the other kids: “He was gone, he was gone…. “ There was just nothing else left to say. Kid3 probably had the saddest reaction. He just simply fell to the floor, he just literally fell right over. He didn’t put his arms out, he didn’t try to catch himself he just fell onto the floor and cried. It was the most honest showing of sadness I have ever witnessed. His body was drained and couldn’t hold him up another minute.

I wanted to fall too, I wanted to fall to the floor and wake up in a week and it all not be true… We all went to bed that night with tear stained faces, broken hearts for our loss and sick beyond description for my brother. There are no good words for someone who has lost a child…

So, should I remind them? We usually release balloons today but instead I let them forget, I let them just have this day to not think about it and now that they are all tucked into their beds sound asleep and I feel guilty for not reminding them.

Sometimes I just don’t know what the best thing to do is. Sometimes there is no “best thing”… sometimes parenting is a mystery and a guessing game of what’s best and what’s not. Should I have reminded them? I guess I’ll never know!

Rest in Peace “Oni Boy”, we love you; we remember you and we can’t wait to join you someday!

dancing queens

Today Mr. B. and I took the girls to Macon to get dance shoes.

Kid4 got her first pair of ballet shoes and she was adorable.

Did I get pictures?

nope not one...

She sat in the little chair and tried on ballet shoes and her Dad and I swooned over her and watched, thankful to have healthy gorgeous girls.

Then it was Kid2's turn, she got new pointe shoes and turned and twisted as she tried them on, making sure they fit and felt right. She was a vision up so high on the tip top of the pointe shoes...

Girls can be so heavenly!

After shoe shopping we headed to downtown Macon for famous banana pudding at the Market City Cafe'.

BUT

they were already sold out.

We opted for their bucket of homeade style potato chips and ranch instead...

What a nice date with our girls.

sniff sniff, Ha-Ha!

Craigslist CRACKS me up...

here's an ad Bat Girl found today on Craigslist... does this seem sad and funny all at the same time to you too?

"I LIVE IN CRAWFORD COUNTY, BUT IAM ONLY 3/2 MILES FORM BYRON. off of boy scout DR . I NO CPR I have two kids. I WILL KEEP YOUR CHILD ANY TIME FORM 6:00 AM- 6:00 PM . BEFORE SCHOOL AND AFTHER SCHOOL. NEW BORNS TO 12YRS OLD. you can call me DAWN at xxx-xxx-xxxx"

Is this really the lady you want to call to babysit your children?

really? seriously? WOW!

wedding cakes, stress and one happy girl!

I made this cake for darling "Big Girl's" wedding...

I wasn't at all stressed about it because she is so NOT a bridezilla! She was the perfect bride, I have known her for so long and knew she would be happy with however the cake came out. She is so much deeper than most, she is into the the thought of it. Oh' I love her!

So... I wasn't stressed about the cake. I didn't start it until Saturday at about 11. (the wedding was at 2) I decided to do the cake in our hotel room, and I wasn't stressed.

Others surrounding me were getting a little stressed. I wasn't stressed though- I swear.

I got busy on the cake - it just wasn't turning out the way I had pictured. I wasn't stressed though, really I wasn't!

The bottom was giving me a hard time, so I moved to the top and it came out better... I scraped the bottom and started over. Others were getting their hair done, showering.... STILL NOT STRESSED!

UNTIL...

this happened on the way to the wedding in Bat Girls lap....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... so I started to get a little stressed at this point. I knew I could fix it... but a falling apart wedding cake 10 minutes before the wedding can bring some stress even to the strong hearted, of which I am NOT!

Anyway... long story short I did fix the cake, it came out beautiful and my sweet sweet "Big girl" loved it!

A happy girl, my friends is all that matters!

exhaustion, beauty, stories and time

Remember when I wrote this post?

Little did I know that we would top that drive by driving 3500 miles in 6 days.

Two days to get there.

Two days spent in Colorado.

Two days home.

AND

I'm tired, exhausted really...

I'm trying to play catch up at home ...

Laundry, making weekly menu's, unpacking, you know... all the stuff you do when you get home...

I'll fill you in on the trip as soon as I can see straight again.

******************************************************************************

I'll just give you a few little hints about my trip.

**Our Big Girl's new husband's family is utterly amazing and I was impressed beyond belief!

**She looked stunning and I have the pictures to prove it!

**I drove a route that almost cut my heart out on the way home and almost bored me to tears on the way there.

**Eyes aren't meant to drive for 16 hours

**chicken pox showed us mercy

**Colorado IS God's country

**she cut off her nose to spite her face and other lessons from mean people

**Best friends, sisters and memories that are never forgotten

**falling in love with a whole family years ago and loving them no matter what the circumstances

Can't wait to write it all down and share it with you all...

How about I start tomorrow?

Happy Birthday M.

Mr. B. in the green shirt, M in the tan shirt

Mr. B.'s brother's birthday is today!

I met Mr. B.'s brother a few days before we were married, in fact he drove me to our wedding. He's a always been a wild and crazy friend and Mr. B. and I love him dearly.

The miles have seperated our families but our hearts will always be close.

We love you M and hope you have the best day ever!!

Be back soon

Hi Friends!

I'm going to be back really soon but until then you should go check out some of my favorite blogs!

Brandi from My three Bubs is halarious! She's a great read. She's up to her ears in boys!

The Nester.... ohhh you all know the Nester! She's a decorating genious!

Meg from Whatever? If you don't read her, SHAME ON YOU! Megs fantastic!

Kellys' Korner... I KNOW you must read Kelly, she's a daily dose of the sweetest thing EVER!

Lacy? Have you tried Lacy's recipes yet? Oh! you should!

These are all good reads! Give em' a try friends and I'll be back tomorrow to tell you all about our trip, the first day of school for ALL the kids, the wedding and much much more!

See you soon!

fairy, fairy wonderful

this pic was last time we saw each other

When I was a little girl I had a very special friend who also happened to be my cousin Sara. Her and I spent hours playing “fairies”. I wish I had pictures of us in our ballet outfits and wings.

As a child I never really felt like I “fit in”, I was more sensitive than other kids and I worried terribly about others. When I was with Sara I could be myself, we laughed, talked, played babies and dress up. She was my best friend when I was little and I loved her dearly.



One day she was just gone. She was out of my life. I use to listen to the song Sara by Starship and cry for her. I use to beg and plead with God to just let me see her one more time.

The years seperated Sara and I but somehow even through miles, death and a very hard life we have clung together. I ADORE her!

We don’t see each other often but keep up now through phone calls, texting, and emails. A few years ago I had the opportunity to see her and when I laid eyes on her it was truly magical. I could barely take my eyes off of her; she was just as beautiful as I remembered. The moment was magical.

Today I get the opportunity to see her again! Today I get to put my arms around this cousin, a best friend and a memory keeper of our childhood. I hope I can let go, I hope I don’t stuff her into my pocket and take her home… I might… we could play fairies again and be carefree.

What I wouldn’t give for her to be carefree….

My dear Sara, my fairy cousin, I love you.

We're goin' to the chapel and were.... la la la la

Today is wedding day for our Big Girl.

I will be sure and post pictures of the wedding soon. (picture orange)
**Wouldn’t Mckmama be thrilled?**

Mr. B. is performing the wedding ceremony and he’s more than proud!
(He even got ordained)

Kid2 is a maid of honor. She is a vision in orange I tell you.

My boys are wearing cacky pants and blue and white button down shirts, and they are as cute as buttons all dressed up in belts and brown shoes.

My girls will be all dolled up in dresses and hair bows.

Bat Girl and I are going to be adorning actual skirts…. Yes, yes, I know- it’s shocking!

A summer wedding in the Rockies…. Ahhhhh…. Heavenly I tell ya!

*repost* the road less travelled

This is for my Dad. He taught me the "road less traveled", thanks Dad!

ROAD LESS TRAVELED

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference
~Robert Frost~

I promise- if you take the road less traveled even though it may be a longer, harder one, the road less traveled leads to hapiness. Trust me. Try it.

**re-post** IS the grass greener?

Have you ever asked yourself if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?

Have you ever asked yourself why the grass might be greener on the other side of that fence?

I have your answer!YES! YES it is definitely greener.

The grass is greener because you haven’t walked there yet my friend. Once you walk on that grass, it’s NOT as green, YOU HAVE WALKED on it!

I understand that there is the temptation of hopping that fence and trying out that beautiful plush green green grass. I beg of you, don’t do it! Don’t hop the fence, don’t try the grass.

Remember when your mom told you “once you’ve done it, you can’t go back”? It’s true… once you have tried out the grass on the other side of the fence, you can’t go back completely. Yes, it’s true, you can hop back over and start again, but it won’t be the same.

You have to keep up your own grass! You have to stay on your side of the fence and you have to take care of it. If you don’t mow your own grass, who will? If you don’t plant flowers and make your own grass beautiful who will?

Are you getting the metaphor?

Might the grass be your marriage?

A friendship perhaps?

The relationship with your children?

Your personal goals?

Grass requires a lot of maintenance and it’s your responsibility to keep it up. You are suppose to groom your own marriage, take care of your wonderful friends, pay attention to your beautiful children and force yourself to set and keep goals.

Good luck grooming!

**note to self- do all the things I said above…

Happy Birthday big ol' boy

Kid1's very first picture

brand new daddy (we had NO idea what was in store for us)

my favorite picture of Kid1 with Kid4

Today is a very special day. Seventeen years ago I became a mommy to a very special little boy. My first little boy isn’t a little boy anymore he’s almost grown and I can’t believe it. Remember when I wrote this post about him having men legs? I just can’t tell you how fast this 17 years has gone. He has been the light of my life for 17 years and I’m sick that he is almost grown.

When I close my eyes I can see a little blonde headed boy racing around in his walker laughing a silly little laugh, wearing red converse and calling me Mommy. I can hear him calling for me, I can see him reaching his little chubby hands out for me and for the life of me I cannot tell you how fast the time with this blonde beauty has gone.

It’s no secret to anyone that Kid1 was a surprise. I wasn’t for one minute frightened to be a mom; I wasn’t for one second scared of raising him. I embraced the thought of being pregnant, of having a growing belly of giving birth to an actual person. I would lay for hours with my arms wrapped around my stomach just waiting for him to kick. I can remember flipping through the calendar just knowing that I would never be able to wait sooooo long for his arrival. (I did, in fact he was THREE weeks late)

When I saw his beautiful face for the first time he took my breath away, I was speechless (parly because he was purple and no one told me about that part of it). I spent hours looking at him those first days. There is a distinct difference with being pregnant and actually holding a baby. I was scared once he was in my arms but he amazed me with his little silly faces, how he yawned, how he stared back at me, how he cooed and grinned at me. This little boy was mine, all mine and I couldn’t believe it.

I would stare down at him and wonder if I could pull this whole thing off. I would look at him and cry because I was so afraid I would mess this little tiny perfect baby up all on my own. I prayed and prayed over him and wanted so badly to do the right things for him. I guess those are the agonizing moments that every mom has. I just wanted to be a good mom. I use to always say "He didn't ask to come into this world and I am going to do the best that I can do, the right things for him no matter what".

I haven't always done just the right things, I haven't always made just the right choices but...

Kid1 made me a mommy, he made my dreams come true and I have always loved him dearly.

Big boy,
I adore you, I always have. You amaze me with your many talents; I stand in awe of you as you pick up any instrument and play it like a pro. I have always admired your deep understanding of others. Son, you are one a million, you are the reason I am a mommy and I thank God for you every single day. Thank you for being you, thank you for being mine.

I love you,
Mom

on the road again, and again, and again...

Well friends the time has come to head out on another road trip.

Yes! Yes! I agree it seems just like yesterday that I was trekking back and forth to New Mexico or Mt. Perfect…. But now we’re out the door again.

This time we’re heading out to Colorado for Big girls wedding. If you are feeling unfamiliar with “Big Girl” check out this post and it should clear it up for you.

Here’s the skinny on the trip. We, and by “we” I mean Mr. B., me, Bat Girl, and Kids1-4 are loading up for a two day drive to Co Springs to be in and at Big Girls wedding. This ended up being a really bad time for us but Big Girl could not have known when she planned it how hairy it would be for us.

Why is this trip hairy you ask? Oh let me count the ways!
1. school starts Tuesday and we leave Wednesday at 3pm
2. It’s a REALLY long drive.
3. Mr. B. isn’t cleared to drive yet
4. Bat Girl isn’t feeling all that well either so I will probably do all the driving.
5. I like to drive at night, everyone else likes to drive during the day
6. kids
7. bags, wedding clothes, sleeping bags and anything else we can fit in the car
8. have YOU heard the words “Are we there yet 300 times in one day?”
9. kids…. (did I say that already)

So we’re heading out of here Wednesday as soon as the 2nd day of school is over, I am picking the kids up shoving them into the shower and then they will file into the car which by the way will already be packed (I hope). We plan on hopping in and then Bat Girl and I are settling in for a nice book (she reads to me while we drive and I love it). Mr. B. is sitting in back with the girls and to be honest he will probably sleep poor guy he is not 100% yet.

Truth be told I seriously can’t wait to get on the road, if you have ever driven through the Rockies you know what I am looking forward to. There is something so inspiring about those grand mountains, something so majestic.

I can’t wait to wrap my arms around my Big girl, family and friends. You know when it comes right down to it I love a good road trip. I adore being shut up in the car with Bat Girl, hours and hours of talking and laughing and just being together.

While I drive I’ll think of Brandi and the Bubs and her HUGE road trip! (and be glad I’m not shut in the car with my parents, no offense mom and dad, I bet you wouldnt want to be shut in the car with me either)

Wish us luck, say a little prayer and hope for good weather!

Thanks Y’all!

welcome to this life little boy.... and good luck with your parents!

a guess jeans shirt and an acid washed diaper cover.... yikes!

Mr. B. and I had a pretty rough start to our marriage. Not only were we way to young to get married, he wasn't around much during the first years. We married on December 25th and he left August 10th for 6 months to do a Westpac with the USS Chosin in the Navy.

I can’t say I was heartbroken, I can’t really say what I was, I think I was stunned, in shock and unsure of my whole life. I was YOUNG, married, had a house a car and a baby.

We had Kid1 August 5th and we spent 5 days together as a “family”. I say “family” because back then we didn’t know how to be a family yet. Mostly we sat around staring at this new life that we created wondering what we would do with him and us too. I don’t really remember those days before Mr. B. left, it was all a blur.

I do have one specific memory of an interaction between Mr. B. and Kid1. Kid1 was crying, as babies do and Mr. B. was packing to leave, as sailors do. I was in a stunned and terrified state of mind as I watched from what felt like above. As I watched this little baby cry and Mr. B. pack it was an out of body experience. I stood there as Mr. B. looked down at this new little person and said “HUSH! BE QUIET”! I wondered if this very little and very loud person would stop crying. Kid1 was instantly silent and stared with big wondering eyes at Mr. B. I could tell Mr. B. felt bad for shouting at him, he didn’t know how to be a father either.

Poor kid, there he laid the child of two parents without a clue. He must have known right then that he was in for a lifetime of surprises and bad parenting! You know the first one is always an experiment….

I experimented with food, clothes, bedtimes and diapers. I dressed him up like he was a doll as he and I got to know one another. I took a picture of him every single day so that Mr. B. could see how he grew from a far. Mr. B. missed those coo’s, first smiles, first laughs. He missed his first holidays, first tooth, first crawls. As I got to know this tiny but fantastic person I came to really respect the person that he was at a very young age. Kid1 seemed to understand others deeply; he seemed to be able to read others, to see inside of them. It was weird. He had a keen sense of who he was even as a baby. He and I were friends as I told you about in THIS POST. It took some time to learn to be his mother, to correct him, to teach him to go to sleep, to feed him properly.

I loved being a mother, it’s all I ever wanted to be but let’s be honest- having a baby is ON the job training. My sister said the most profound thing last night to me in an email. She said “How come we can admit that we may not sleep for 3 months straight, but we can’t admit that they make us cranky and resentful”? SO TRUE! It’s okay to learn to be a mother as you are one. Don’t we all learn from our daily experiences and mistakes?

Say like the time I gave him Gatorade because it’s all I had and at 8 months he would not touch another bottle… because he was mortified by the taste of Gatorade? Like when he ate PBJ everyday for lunch by 5 months because I thought that’s what kids ate? What about the times he and I stayed up to watch Arsenio Hall when he really should have been in bed but I was lonely? I learned as I went, I’m always learning, I’m always trying new things and then realizing that they are a bad idea or a great idea.

Kid1, you’re a miracle, you truly are! We feel so blessed that you’re ours. You have no idea how lucky you are that you even made it due to our young parenting and poor ideas. God guided us along as we fumbled through having a first child.

Thanks for being you son, thanks for being first (even though Kid4 thinks SHE was first), we are more proud of you than we could ever express. I love you son, you made me a momma and I am eternally grateful.proof that Orvil redenbacher WAS a baby once too...

on becoming a mother

this is me LOOONG, LOONG ago

The month of August brings many memories of my first son. This is his birthday month and having him was a real roller coaster for me.

I was young when I had my Kid1, very young and we’ll leave it at that. I have so many memories that I probably should write down so I never forget them.

Here is one of the many memories that a very sweet little but now grown up boy has given me.

When he was 6 weeks old I reached over to feel him in the middle of the night and he was burning up with fever, seriously he was almost too hot to touch. I was scared. Up until this moment he and I had just been hanging out, like friends. I didn’t really think of myself as his mom, I don’t know what I thought about us, we were buddies I guess. I picked him up and strapped him into his car seat and headed to Tripler Hospital to the E.R. I was scared, I was new at driving, I was new at mothering and I had no idea what the E.R. held for me.

I signed us in and held him tight while he burned in my arms and I wondered what we would do about this whole mess. A nurse took us back and as she took him from my arms I felt unsure of myself. Needless to say, it was a long night that included a lot of tears from both of us. He lay there on that bed and cried, they didn’t let me hold him. He wanted me and I wanted him but I was afraid to step up, I didn’t know about being his mom, being an advocate for my own child, I followed their every direction. They did a spinal tap against my will, he screamed and I shook with fear for him. A chaplain took me away and talked but all I could hear was my little boy scream while he lay there, while I let them poke him and hurt him. I felt helpless… who would help him?

We spent days in the hospital, with IV’s and nurses and shots and medicine… I was stunned, scared and a deer in headlights. I had no idea how to be a mom to him. I felt lonely, afraid and incompetent. A friend of mine came up and brought me little lotions and things just for me. I couldn’t understand why she would have done that. It made me feel so special. Little did I know that these are the things that Mom’s do for one another.

As we checked out I loaded him with no fever in his little blue and white stroller all dressed up in his denim overalls as I looked away to sign his discharge papers something unbelievable happened. I remember the exact moment like it was yesterday. I signed my name as his parent/guardian and when I looked back at him he was MY SON. I became a mom that moment, with the real responsibilities, the worries, all that comes with motherhood came right then at that very moment. I gazed at him for a second and then I leaned down to him and said “Your mine and I will do a good job, I promise you”.

I walked into that hospital with a very sick little boy and I left his mother.

Becoming a mother is so much more than having a baby. Being a mother takes time, fevers, late nights, stress and more than I could ever write. I became a mom early in life and I have loved every memory, every tear and every all nighter. I wouldn’t trade not even one second of it!

first date, a view, a kiss and forever...

This is our first date picture (taken by Melissa right before we ditched her)

I love Mrs. Yellow Hat’s linky parties! Does that mean I love to talk about myself…? I wouldn’t have a blog if I didn’t friends!!

To read how I MET the love of my life, father of my children and man I’m spending my life with, go here.

I'm joining the first date stories late (dont even ask about my week- BAD). Mr. B. and I met in Hawaii where I grew up so our “dating” stories have great memories for us and to think back on them takes me home to Oahu where my heart is and always will be.

As you already know, we met at church (*insert hallelujah music here*) but sadly we were not allowed to date because Mr. B. was much older than me AND in the Navy (we’re a Marine family and there just IS a difference) **OOOOOH RAH**.

Mr. B. even asked my Dad if we could date and my dad did this to poor Mr. B.-
Mr. B.- I really like your daughter and I would like to be able to take her out on a date
Dad- (looks to the ceiling and chuckles) ummmm…. Let me think about it (insert 1 second here) NOPE!
Mr. B.- oh…. Uhhh…… okay…..
Dad- okee dokee then son, see ya around.
Me- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (I was really persistent, ask my best friend Melissa!)

SO I talked Melissa and another friend Bob into planning a “youth” trip to Diamond Head for a hike but strangely no youth could go (isn’t that weird *did I forget to invite them*??). Bob, Melissa, Mr. B. and I all met there and can I just say poor Melissa and Bob because I ditched them. Mr. B. and I literally ran (Melissa has asthma and Bob was too much of a gentleman to let her stay behind). We ran so we could spend the day alone hiking and I was hoping he would hold my hand… he did. We hiked and laughed and flirted

AND

He kissed me. I can remember the exact place that he kissed me and later on after we had babies we took them there too.

That’s the story of our first date, a hike, a kiss and forever what could be better than that my friends?


**Melissa might say that not ditching her would have been better. She was my best bud and soul mate back then. I didn't treat her right but I loved her dearly. She is a very important part of our complicated love story. Mr. B. and I think and laugh about her and our memories together often. I'll LOVE YOU forever Melissa**