Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dear Granddaddy...

This is an essay I wrote years ago about my Grandaddy-

Who is that Mysterious Man?

“About Men” gives us many ideas about who the cowboy really is as well as some misconceptions such as hard heartedness, emotion less, and evasiveness when in fact the opposite may apply.
Ms. Ehrlich says in her essay, “Instead of the macho, trigger-happy man our culture has perversely wanted him to be, the cowboy is more apt to be convivial, quirky, and softhearted.” When I was a little girl some of my fondest memories are those of my Grandfather. He would sit in his chair after dinner and watch his cows through the sliding glass door. He was a very quiet man who has always worked alone with animals, who didn’t need validation and entertainment. I remember the day he came in from a hard day of work with a bucketful of baby bunnies for me to hold and cuddle, or when he had a new litter of piglets he would bring them into the yard so I could chase and play with them. At the end of the day I would see him walking into the night to replace the bunnies and piglets ever so gently to their mothers. Just because he was quiet didn’t mean he had no emotions. He must have been thinking just how much I would love the babies. He is however, a strong man with a strong mind, if an animal was suffering he wouldn’t think twice about putting it out of its misery. To him this was simply the circle of life.
Cowboys are conceived as emotion less, hard-hearted men when in fact they feel much more. My Grandfather may be a man of few words but I knew he had feelings and emotions. By bringing baby bunnies and piglets, he was letting me into his world. He never had to say he adored me because he shared my interests and showed me his affection with actions. My Grandfather is a very tough man with few words and a heart of pure gold.
“Even young cowboys are evasive with women…Gentle with animals and rough on women…” is one of the many profound ideas Ms. Ehrlich mentions in her essay. Many cowboys tend to be evasive and uncomfortable with women. I never saw my Grandfather give my Grandmother physical affection, but I knew he loved her. Recently, she was in the hospital. My Grandfather, who never goes anywhere but to get hay in town, sat by her side night and day greeting each nurse and visitor with a quiet smile, he is gentle in his own way.
My Grandfather is a strong man with more feelings than I’ll ever hear him express. If he’s evasive with women how can we blame him? It’s often easier to express feelings when you know you won’t be judged. Shouldn’t we all spend a little more time thinking quietly instead of imposing every thought on others? When your cowboy seems hardhearted, emotion less, or evasive, read deeper into his soul, you don’t know what his day was like.

Granddaddy, I love you more than I can say. I wish I could take you home and take care of you now that you are old and frail, but I know taking you from your farm would be like separating a cowboy and his boots. I know that no matter what happens you need your wide open spaces, your cows and your freedom. I hate that you’re losing your independence and I hope that old age will be easier on you that it is on some. I know that you miss her; I know you’re lost without her. I pray for peace and calmness in your heart and mind.

Monday, September 29, 2008

monkeyin' around in Mt Perfect

Bat Girl and I are counterparts, partners in crime, two peas in a pod, and the chicken and the egg from the minute we met so very long ago. We have spent every minute possible together from then until now. We prefer to live close, share our kids, dogs, meals, cleaning supplies, etc. We are separated by 800 miles now and I miss her.

She and I laughed ourselves sick, we talked our throats dry, we spent every minute trying to catch up on things we had forgotten to talk about over the phone, and loved every minute of it. We visited old friends and definitely made the most of the few days we had together- thanks for the fun Bat Girl!

This weekend at home was fair weekend; it’s partly why we went to visit. Kid2 was at the fair every single night and loved it. Bat Girl and I took kids Friday night. At the fair my youngest was a total freak! She has sensory processing disorder so the fair was a little much for her. She was a wild mess the whole time. The picture above is her with her good buddy and her new friend monkey. If you know her, you know that this is highly unusual behavior for her to hold a monkey and also smile for a picture. I was shocked and thrilled to see her doing it. Yes I did think about the animal cruelty factor… yes I feel a little guilty for supporting the whole thing…. Enough said.

I love Mt. Perfect! It was beautiful weather, fun with friends and as always wonderful memories made!

Monday, September 22, 2008

home again, home again, jiggety jig!

I’m headed off to Mt Perfect tomorrow to see Bat Girl! Who knows what trouble we may get into…. There was that time we “looked into” the old man’s house and fell through the porch…. The time when we “broke into” the nursing home when the doors were locked because it was past visiting hours and we wanted to see Grammie…. The great big vacant house in town that we just HAD to see….oh I shouldn’t bore you with the details- TRUST ME- We have a “yam” good time!

Bat Girl and I will hang out, have fun, be loud and laugh our selves sick. We’ll gain ten pounds and love every second of it. We’ll abandon our husbands for the weekends and make our children watch themselves! I can’t wait to see you Bat Girl. I hope to laugh so hard I …. Well you know!

Till the fun begins!
-Bat Girl, do we really look like that?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Heeeeeeee's baaaaaaaaaack!

Welcome home Mr. B. I am so happy to have you home!

ps... I hope you get your bags tomorrow....

Friday, September 19, 2008

sweet Grammie

Tonight I’m thinking of my sweet sweet Grammie.

It wasn’t very long ago (March) that I lost my Grammie to a long drawn out sad and really quite horrible death. It’s the hardest thing to watch someone suffer. I begged God to take her. I literally knelt on my knees and begged God out loud to take her. I was certain that I was ready for her to go, I was certain that I would be relieved for her.

I wasn’t ready. I think my close friends knew I wouldn’t be. I didn’t know. I guess you’re never really “ready”.

I have such amazing memories of my Grammie. She held every one of my babies and looked into their eyes and adored their little faces. My Grammie loved babies as much as clouds love the blue sky, she worshiped babies. She wanted to hold kid4 until she literally was too weak to hold her. I remember holding kid 4 in my Grammies arms, I can feel her little frail arms wrapped around my baby goose and I can see her drinking in every bit of that girl.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I can smell my Grammie, I can feel her scratchy white sweater and see the Kleenex stuffed into her sleeve. I can feel her wiry grey hair between my fingers. I can feel her skin and the scratchy whiskers that sometimes Grammies get. I can see her little sweet face and that silly look she got when she was unsure of what to say. I can feel her little stick arms and her soft pillowy belly… sometimes I don’t want to open my eyes because I don’t want to stop seeing her. I miss her. I miss her every single day.

So many times, I begged God to take her; I never could understand why she suffered for as long as she did. I still don’t understand it and I hope someday I will. I use to look at her as she would cry out in pain and ask my partner in crime (my best friend let’s call her bat girl! –she’ll love that!)WHY IS SHE HERE? What purpose is she serving? I always hoped that this profound answer would come to me, that one day I would have this AH-HA moment, but it never came. She suffered and cried and hurt for so many years and she hurt up until her last breath. I don’t understand it. It’s something I want to ask God about eventually. I felt so frustrated for her and about her.

I took care of my Grammie for a while a many years ago and I thought she needed me. I thought that she needed me to feed her, and walk her and comb her hair and take her potty…. After a hard personal time I realized that I actually needed her, she probably didn’t need me at all. She was there for me when I needed her most. She was my soft place to land, my comfort in an uncomfortable world, my quiet, safe place. I loved that about her. I always felt like she was all mine.

Dear Grammie, I miss you terribly, although I am glad you are finally not hurting anymore. The other day I thought about you and had a moment that I forgot you were gone when I remembered; I cried and felt sick all over again. It’s not that I want you to hurt again, I don’t. I just wish you were here for selfish reasons. I wish I could read to you again, and hold your hand, and look into your little sweet eyes. I wish I could put face cream on you and that Bat Girl and I could talk about you all the way back to Mt Perfect. I wish we would be able to say how sweet you are and lucky I am to have you. Instead I will take her to your grave, she hasn’t seen it yet. I know we’ll leave a rose for you, I always do. We’ll probably both cry, I know she misses you too. You wouldn’t believe the kids, they are so big. I miss you Grammie.
-love me

If you can’t already tell my best friend, Bat Girl is a saint… she would laugh about me saying that. She loved my Grammie too. That’s the kind of saint she is the kind that loves MY Grandparents and will visit their graves and help me clean their toilets…. She’s amazing. I’ll write an “ode to bat girl” soon I swear.

**Note to self when visiting hoof-ville (that’s where my Grammie lived a lot of my fam still lives there) bring lots of Kleenex

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Is that GREENER grass over there?

Have you ever asked yourself if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?
Have you ever asked yourself why the grass might be greener on the other side of that fence?

I have your answer!

YES! YES it is definitely greener. The grass is greener because you haven’t walked there yet my friend. Once you walk on that grass, it’s NOT as green, YOU HAVE WALKED on it!

I understand that there is the temptation of hopping that fence and trying out that beautiful plush green green grass. I beg of you, don’t do it! Don’t hop the fence, don’t try the grass. Remember when your mom told you “once you’ve done it, you can’t go back”? It’s true… once you have tried out the grass on the other side of the fence, you can’t go back completely. Yes, it’s true, you can hop back over and start again, but it won’t be the same.

You have to keep up your own grass! You have to stay on your side of the fence and you have to take care of it. If you don’t mow your own grass, who will? If you don’t plant flowers and make your own grass beautiful who will?

Are you getting the metaphor?

Might the grass be your marriage? A friendship perhaps? The relationship with your children? Your personal goals? Grass requires a lot of maintenance and it’s your responsibility to keep it up. You are suppose to groom your own marriage, take care of your wonderful friends, pay attention to your beautiful children and force yourself to set and keep goals.

Good luck grooming!

**note to self- do all the things I said above…

please take the road less traveled!

This is for my Dad. He taught me the "road less traveled", thanks Dad!


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet, knowing how way leads onto way

I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence

Two roads diverged in a wood

And I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference

~Robert Frost~

I promise- if you take the road less traveled even though it may be a longer, harder one, the road less traveled leads to hapiness. Trust me. Try it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

daily life with kid4

A few months ago my baby girl-kid4 wanted to go to the airplane museum near our home. My husband and I loaded her up and off we went. We looked at lots of planes and talked to her about lots of different things. She was hungry so we went to the lunch counter there at the museum and as we sat and talked to her about planes and other things Mr. B asked her this very important question.

Mr. B. - “what do you want to be when you grow up?”


Me- “kid4, when you grow up, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a pilot and fly planes, you can be a veterinarian and help animals, you could be a Doct……” (She cut me off)

Kid4- “I WANT TO BE NOTHING……. JUST like you mommy”

Me- “I guess it’s time for me to get a job…..”

I was of course stunned and not really sure what to say. My husband was also visibly stunned and not really sure what to say either. We both wanted to laugh but knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do so we just got up and looked at more planes.

I am a parent of 4 children and I have been around LOTS of other kids. I have never had a kid say they wanted to be “nothing”. So… we just let it go. I mean seriously what can you say to that? I don’t really think explaining it all to my 4 year old is the way to go. Won’t she figure that out herself? I’m pretty sure I never thought my mom did “nothing” but I am also pretty sure I couldn’t have understood just all she did do.

My big kids got a huge kick out of it, they laughed and laughed and truly it is funny. Our baby girl cracks us up most days. She says hilarious things. She likes to point out arm pit hair to kid1’s girlfriend’s parents; she likes to say to others that kid2 has armpit hair which is mortifying to a 14 year old girl, and she does not! She likes to say to her teacher that I sped to school but did not get “Caught by the cop”; even though I did not speed (that day). She likes to have gas in fronts of kid1 and kid2 friends and then laugh. She likes to point out the obvious about things like women having facial hair, men having pregnant bellies, or noises in a public restroom. Some days I have to hunker down in the public restroom until all the people who have manufactured the offensive noises that my daughter so LOUDLY pointed out have left, some days I have to quickly cover for things she says out loud, but every day, every single day I adore her and think she is the funniest thing in the whole world.

Thank you kid4 for making each day funnier, more exciting and a little less comfortable than the day before! I adore you. By the way- your Tia thinks I deserve every bit of what you’re giving me!

**note to self- don’t take kid4 out in public

Monday, September 15, 2008

I miss you

I miss my friend Mr. B.
I don't enjoy being a single parent while he is out of town.
I don't like to fold laundry alone.
Who will match the socks and fold the towels while he's gone?
Theres no little voice at the end of each day shouting "Daddy's home"
His phone isn't ringing in the middle of the night because someone at work needs him.
I always have to sit in the drivers seat while he's gone.
I miss you, come home soon!
Love, me

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Ode to "the baby"

My third child AKA kid3 was and always will be “the baby”. Not because he is a baby, or because is even the "baby” of our house but because he is just my baby. He is sweet as candy, more patient than a librarian, as understanding as mother Teresa, and the kindest little person on earth. (the picture above is him when he was 3, he is now a cool 12)

During the chaos that was my weekend he was so sweet and understanding about it all. He wanted to go to a friend’s house and “hang out” after a birthday party. When his friend asked if they could walk around their neighborhood my sweet kid3 called me to ask if it was okay with me! I thought his friends parents were going to the high school football game and when my smart kid3 realized they were not he called to let me know and I said he could not go after all. He didn’t whine, he stood in the parking lot and waited for me to pick him up. When I told him I know he must be so sad he said “Yeah, I am, but that’s okay I understand”. He makes me beam with pride. I told you he was sweet.

So today in honor of his sweetness I took this kid to lunch and we talked. He told me about his friend and how “cool” this friend is. He told me about school and how he is enjoying it. He told me how he missed his friends from Texas. He also asked me if I thought he was cool.

Do I think he is cool? How do you answer that? Obviously I am a big fan of kid3 of course I think he’s cool! I tell him all the time how he is the most perfect little person alive. I felt like he was asking more than if I thought he was cool though…. I asked him if he thought he was cool. He said he thought he was nice, smart, well behaved, but maybe not too cool. So I asked him if we could fix this problem of not being cool. He very reluctantly told me that he thought he may need cooler clothes. Now for those of you who don’t know kid3 he only wears hand me downs…. Seriously. When kid1 and 2 are getting things here and there because they are on me like white on rice, like gravy on a biscuit…. Kid3 is never bothering me- well almost never. He just doesn’t ask for things. He is often overlooked. He is often forgotten because he is so passive.

We finished lunch and headed to the mall we went straight to the coolest store in the mall and lo and behold kid3 is now "cool". I know you were worried that I would offer to sew him a few cool outfits… like with big buttons, lots of plaid, maybe some animal prints. Nope, I bought him new clothes and he is very cool.

Secretly I thought he was cool before, in fact I think he is the coolest but I guess it really only matters what you think of yourself right? And if a few new clothes will do the trick. Done.

Dear kid3, you’re the most amazing little boy on the earth. I have known from the minute I laid eyes on you that you would make a difference in this hard world. When you were a baby I use to hold you and look at you for hours on end wondering how in the world I ended up with such an amazing person. As you grow older I can barely stand the thought of you leaving home. Every day you amaze me by the way you truly can look into the heart of others and know their needs. I can’t fathom your kindness towards others. I was thinking today about you and how wonderful you are and I thought about what a difference you will make as an adult too. Although I don’t want you to grow up I am excited to watch you amaze others when you’re grown. I’m excited to see you be the most amazing father to your babies. I don’t know how I got the amazing honor of raising you my baby boy but I am honored. I love you; you will always be my “baby”.
Love, Mom

**note to self- learn how to sew so I can sew homemade clothes and embarrass the kids!

crazed animal

Do you ever feel like this (pictured above) at the end of a weekend? I don’t mean any regular weekend. I mean the kind of weekend when your kids have kid after kid over, the kind of weekend where kid 1 through 3 cannot get enough from you? Have you ever thought maybe if you took kid 4 and went to a hotel and let kid 1 through 3 just keep it all- have the house, the food, anything they want- just leave me out of it?

I had this exact weekend. I am just now recovering from this exact weekend right this minute. I am taking kid 3 to lunch because through all the chaos, he is so easy going. He went to a friend’s house and then wanted to go to a football game and I said no. I think kid 3 is too young to go a high school football game alone with his friends. He came home without a fuss. You will learn through reading that kid 3 is the easiest going person on the planet. He deserves a lunch out with his mom and kid 1 and 2 are cleaning up the aftermath of their weekend.

Kid 2 has a ridiculous project due at school. Can I just say…. What good will it do my 9th grader to plan her wedding? What will she learn from this? There is NO budget, no rubric, only lists and lists of things she needs prices of. What is this project teaching kid 2? Kid 2 spent hours and hours this weekend with her friends doing this project and is it done…. NOPE!

Really I say all this rambling about kids and school to say I feel like the dog at the top of the page… like a crazed animal and am ready to snap. I wonder if I will still look like this when Mr. B comes home on Saturday. Do you think I’ll scare him if I smile and my teeth still look like this? Poor Mr. B I might have moved out before he ever gets back. Don’t worry, I’ll give him my room number and I’ll take kid 4.

**note to self next time Mr. B goes out of town, stow away in his bag!

Friday, September 12, 2008

kids + me = chaos

Tonight was sheer chaos! There are not enough words to explain it all but when I am taking one kid here, another kid there, feeding one kid so she’s not grouchy and wondering if one kid, the first kid, the one with the man legs got where he was suppose to go it’s chaos!

My husband and I call the kids “kid 1” (first born boy) he’s 16, “kid 2” (first born girl) she’s 14, “kid 3” (second born boy) he’s 12 and “kid 4” (second born girl) she’s 4. When we are out and one of our cell phones ring whoever is getting the call says to the other; “call one, kid 3”, and by the end of the night believe me we are saying “call eight, kid 2”. It’s our secret language, we always understand the code.

So tonight I was taking kid 2 and 3 plus friends to the mall. I also always have kid 4 because she is too young to do anything without me. Kid 3 was going to the movie with his friends, but is really too young to leave at the movies alone. So I talked kid 2 and her friends into going too. So that left kid 4 and me hanging out in the mall while they were in the movie. All along kid 1 was at his girlfriend’s house watching a movie- bless them for taking a kid off my hands! I spent the night running kids around everywhere, dropping friends off, picking up kid 1 the whole time kid 4 was really fading and turning into a very sleepy girl!

So the whole reason for this blog was this- there was a time when things were much easier, when this very tired mom of 4 kids was not running herself ragged while her husband was on vacation… LOL I only said that for you honey! He’s actually doing Navy things, whatever those things are…. This is a picture of me when life was simple.

*note to self- pretend to be asleep when kid 1, 2, 3 and 4 wake up and start talking to me!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Congratulations to ME!

I’m married! Or…. Errr…. I was married? Okay I digress.

Actually I fell in love with a man 18 years ago. The second I saw him I knew I would marry him. I couldn’t have known how it would all go down and I will spare you the whole story. I fell in love with him on the top of a mountain in a little tiny cement building. We went for a long hike and ditched our friends so we could be together and …. Shhhhh…. Don’t tell anyone, we ditched them so we could KISS! I can still close my eyes and see what he was wearing and exactly what he looked like. I can still feel the way he felt when he kissed me. I can’t tell you what the beautiful view looked like though, I have no idea. I know it was beautiful but all I could see was him.

We got married a year later, we have had 4 birth children and many other children we have fallen in love with. We have been Mr. and Mrs. B (my maiden name starts with ‘B’ too) for 17 years but I have never changed my name. I kept my maiden name for several reasons. I was too young to get married and was afraid to change my name, it was too much of a pain to change it, and…. And here’s the big one…. I didn’t want to part with the little social security card that had MY name on it. You may already know… I don’t do change well.

Mr. B has never given me a hard time about it. He knows I don’t do change well, I think he secretly wishes I would change it. I thought a good compromise would be for us to just pick a new name but that’s a story for another blog…

Congratulations to me! I am now officially Mrs. B! Yesterday while Mr. B is out of town I got my drivers license, and my social security card with my new name on them. As soon as the lady behind the counter took my social security card with MY name, wrote void and sent it to the paper shredder I almost passed out…. I could barely see. I told you! I don’t take change well. She handed me a piece of paper and told me two weeks…. And that was that.

I’m married to Mr. B! I’m in love with Mr. B and now we have matching names… isn’t that SO cute?! Believe it or not we even have four little people that have those names too! How lucky are we?

After a day of changing names, and just change period I came home to these!

(Thank you Mr. B, I love you -from the official MRS B).

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Before the man legs...

So here's a few OLD pictures of my little boy- before he had man legs! This was the very first little person I brought into the world. I took my first real breath the minute I saw him. He changed my life, I adored him then and I mostly adore him now (you know how teenagers are right?). I can't believe that he is almost grown with the man legs and all! My dear sweet man legged boy you amaze me every day, you still take my breath away after 16 years. I love you.

Man Legs!

I took my son to the orthopedic doctor this morning and realized something. He has man legs! My son, my little tiny (16 yr. old) oldest boy has MAN LEGS! When did this happen? Have you ever looked at your kid so many times that you just hardly see him growing? I often think I see the kid too much and for some reason missed the man legs!

The Dr asked him to lie on the table and I was at the other end sitting there like the mom of a teenager does at a Dr’s office…. Awkwardly! Anyway, there they were staring me in the face- MAN LEGS! I had to sit up a little bit to make sure it was really him on the table. I strained to see his face and yep there was my little tiny boy, but then these man legs … I don’t get it!

How does a kid grow so fast and you don’t even know it? How did I miss this? So many days I look at my kids and wish I could do it all again, not necessarily to change anything but to watch it again for a second time. The second time around I’ll be looking for the man legs and I just know I’ll catch them as soon as they latch on to my little boy.

Speaking of man legs, I’m supposed to take this little tiny boy to get a job. He and his man legs are growing up and I didn’t give them permission I assure you!

**note to self watch those kids a little closer, get heavy books for their heads!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Coupon Idiot (AKA me)

Okay, so I’m a coupon idiot! I am trying to do a budget. I’m trying to stick to my budget. A few years ago Mr. B and I took a budgeting and finance class, we loved it! WE have never started it. It’s hard to get started. You feel like if you can’t do it all at once why try…. Not true. Just do a little at a time. We are at step 1 and finally starting with food. There are 6 in our family and I want to stay at 200 a week, 800 a month.

This is where the coupon idiot-ness comes in people! I think- Hey, I’ve never used coupons, its instant savings, why not try right? WRONG! I dig up the coupons my mom has sent me over the past few months go through them; spend all day looking for coupons online (which is no easy task!) I get my list and I head out to the store. While I’m there I find other coupons, some even better coupons I am feeling so proud and a little embarrassed. Okay here is the bad part- I get to the check out… I present her the coupons… I tell her that I am a first time coupon user (too much information)…. And then start unloading my groceries. The cashier hands me back MOST of the coupons and the conversation goes like this-

Cashier- You know these coupons are expired?
Coupon idiot (AKA-me) - WHAT? No I don’t think they are.
Cashier- They expired in 3 of 08!
Coupon idiot- WHAT? No….. Wait…. Has that month already happened? (Yes I swear, I said that out loud)
Cashier- uuuuuhhhhh….. Yeah lady we’ve already had March!
Coupon idiot- oh yeah….! Oh yeah! Okay, yeah that’s my birthday month (again with the too much information!) followed by intense nervous laughter….

Can you even believe it? I’m not sure they are going to ever let me use coupons again! I mean really “Has that month already happened?” What does that even mean? I promise you I am not that dumb(usually)! I was so embarrassed but had to hold my head high because I mean after all I did get some other good deals right?

NOT SO MUCH here’s what I ended up with-

String cheese- coupon expired-kid allergic to milk products
Poise pads- NOT FOR PERIOD! (I’m sitting very uncomfortable right now!) (and who knew they were for incontinence ((don’t tell me if you knew?))
Cascade dish soap- I have two new ones already
4 boxes of cereal- again need I mention the milk allergy?
7 candy bars-I took my kid with me (she’s a teenager)
Toilet paper –expired coupon, not the brand I like
A 257 dollar total- ABOVE MY BUDGET!

Seriously the list goes on!

So is it worth using coupons if you’re a coupon idiot? I’M GONNA GO WITH … NO!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

We are not promised tomorrow

Last night Mr. B’s co worker died in a tragic motorcycle accident. We are not promised tomorrow -someone said to me. That’s so true. Is that what we live by? Do we actually live each minute and end each day like there may be no tomorrow? I’m not! I’m going to try harder.

Poor Mr. B he is so sad. He was her boss and she was truly the light each day at work. She was sweet and positive and knew how to do her job perfectly. She was not a complainer, she was so efficient. He is sad on many levels. He is out of town and working from another state for this next two weeks and I think that made him even wearier. To handle everything from so far was obviously hard on him. I just feel so sad for him.

Mr B. and I had recently asked this co-worker to dog sit for us and she fell in love with our dog. Our dog is a huge lab-German Sheppard mix and we hate to have her cooped up in the house so we let her keep our special dog (she had a farm with dogs and horses). She was an absolute animal lover so I went out late last night and picked up Missy(my dog). She obviously knows something is wrong she has moped around all day. Dogs are so intuitive. I feel sad when I look at her knowing that they both loved each other so much.

*note to self*
We are not promised tomorrow- something to think about