Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Happy Birthday big ol' boy

Kid1's very first picture

brand new daddy (we had NO idea what was in store for us)

my favorite picture of Kid1 with Kid4

Today is a very special day. Seventeen years ago I became a mommy to a very special little boy. My first little boy isn’t a little boy anymore he’s almost grown and I can’t believe it. Remember when I wrote this post about him having men legs? I just can’t tell you how fast this 17 years has gone. He has been the light of my life for 17 years and I’m sick that he is almost grown.

When I close my eyes I can see a little blonde headed boy racing around in his walker laughing a silly little laugh, wearing red converse and calling me Mommy. I can hear him calling for me, I can see him reaching his little chubby hands out for me and for the life of me I cannot tell you how fast the time with this blonde beauty has gone.

It’s no secret to anyone that Kid1 was a surprise. I wasn’t for one minute frightened to be a mom; I wasn’t for one second scared of raising him. I embraced the thought of being pregnant, of having a growing belly of giving birth to an actual person. I would lay for hours with my arms wrapped around my stomach just waiting for him to kick. I can remember flipping through the calendar just knowing that I would never be able to wait sooooo long for his arrival. (I did, in fact he was THREE weeks late)

When I saw his beautiful face for the first time he took my breath away, I was speechless (parly because he was purple and no one told me about that part of it). I spent hours looking at him those first days. There is a distinct difference with being pregnant and actually holding a baby. I was scared once he was in my arms but he amazed me with his little silly faces, how he yawned, how he stared back at me, how he cooed and grinned at me. This little boy was mine, all mine and I couldn’t believe it.
I would stare down at him and wonder if I could pull this whole thing off. I would look at him and cry because I was so afraid I would mess this little tiny perfect baby up all on my own. I prayed and prayed over him and wanted so badly to do the right things for him. I guess those are the agonizing moments that every mom has. I just wanted to be a good mom. I use to always say "He didn't ask to come into this world and I am going to do the best that I can do, the right things for him no matter what".
I haven't always done just the right things, I haven't always made just the right choices but...

Kid1 made me a mommy, he made my dreams come true and I have always loved him dearly.

Big boy,
I adore you, I always have. You amaze me with your many talents; I stand in awe of you as you pick up any instrument and play it like a pro. I have always admired your deep understanding of others. Son, you are one a million, you are the reason I am a mommy and I thank God for you every single day. Thank you for being you, thank you for being mine.

I love you,

No comments: