Happy Birthday darling girl

OH' brother....

I LOVE brothers. Oh I love brothers! I adored my brother and I was so thrilled to be able to say I have "boys" and "brothers". There is nothing better than the camaraderie between brothers. Brothers are silly and gross, serious and sincere and the best friend anyone can hope for. Although my boys are biological, not all brothers are. There are a couple other boys in our lives who we consider to be part of our family too. These two are my strength so much of the time and I can't imagine a minute without them. 

My beauty. 

My heart.

My child.

My smile.

My warm.

My giggle.

My bright.

My wonder.

My busy.

My love.

summer, summer, summer time ...

Summer time... is a grand time for kids. We live in hot weather and "summer" starts early here for us. We get to clean up our bikes, grease up our skates, sweep off the swing set and pull out our flip flops. I don't enjoy summer like my kids do, but I LOVE watching them play in the hot Georgia sun.

I love to watch Kid4's hair trail behind her in the breeze while she rides her bike as fast as she can. She's free when she's riding her bike. She's free from the judgement, schoolwork, piers, she can be lost in thought and in her own head.

Watching Kid5 sift the sand through her little tiny fingers is pure joy. To see her little legs carry her through the yard from one thing to another is bliss! She will enjoy summer for the first time this year with no assistance. I can't wait to watch every minute!

Summertime is a time of freedom, a time for no worries and a time to play until the sun goes down.

Enjoy it friends :)

I like kids art and I cannot lie

I love my children's drawings, pictures, painting, weavings, handprints, folded paper, scribbles, handwriting.... I love it all. The boxes and boxes of art projects in my garage show it. I have lots of my children's art framed here and there in the house, but I want it ALL. I tried the ArtKive app on my phone and I didn't love it. It allows one piece of art per page and yes, I could make a collage myself and save it... but who has time for ALL that?

I decided to use my old reliable blurb.com and I could not be happier with the results. The book is perfect. I can't tell you how much paper I am able to rid of. I took pictures of all her Kindergarten through second grade art, many handwriting samples and a few pictures. Her book is 156 glorious pages! Some pages have nine pieces of art and some have only one. I highly suggest this method for archiving children's art work. She has looked through this book so many times since we recieved it and I know she will enjoy it even more as she grows! 

I am planning on doing a preschool art book, she has SO MUCH preschool art, a third through sixth grade art book, and who knows what else. I have been sorting boxes from the big kids too and want to make each of them a book of their art, their handwriting, little notes and funny things about them as well. I am pretty sure I haven't saved as much from them, but I bet I can fill up a book each. 

I can't wait for Kid5 to start drawing and writing! We'll be using blurb.com for years to come!

TRY IT. YOU'LL LOVE IT!

CATS.... all this time and all she has to talk about is cats....

Kid4 drew this in first grade :)

I read a children's book called "All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome" and daily I am reminded of that with Kitty-Mae. Every single morning I am just positive that her thought process goes like this: I know she's in there. MEOW. I know if I meow just a few more times, she'll hear me. MEOW, MEOW, MEOW. I bet she didn't really hear me. MEEEOOOW. She probably isn't listening. MEOW. MEEOOW. MEEEEOOOW. MEOW. I bet she was distracted, let me try again. MEOW.

This happens until I let her in. This also often happens with Kid4, who also has Aspergers. Many days our conversations go like this:

Me- I am going to the store, you MAY not leave the house while Im gone, your brother is upstairs. Do you understand me?

Kid4- Yes.... (hesitates, and I wait knowing that she will ask something else...) but what if by BFF gets home?

Me- you MAY NOT go outside. period. NO. I'll be home soon.

Kid4- ok (in her best whiney voice)

****meanwhile as I walk into the store... RING RING****

Me- hello Kid4, how can I help you?

Kid4- MOOOOM, My BFF's home, can I go outside to play?

Me- are you serious?

Kid4- yes

Me- KID4, I said you were not going outside until I got home. Thats the end of it.

Kid4- Mom.....

Me- yes.....?

Kid4- but I'll be SO careful

Me- NO!

Kid4- her mom is home

Me- I am serious about this, I said no.

Kid4- even if Im really careful and don't ride my bike in the street?

Me- I am done with the conversation, we either hang up now and you stay in or you will spend the whole weekend inside! Do you understand me? Now you need to say goodbye and hang up the phone!

Kid4- goodbye

*****meanwhile at the store.....RING RING*****

Me- Hello.

Kid4- can she come in?

Me- HANG UP THE PHONE AND STEP AWAY FROM IT. I WILL BE HOME SOON.

Kid4- is that a no?

Me- HANG UP BEFORE I COME UNGLUED. IT's a NO!

Kid4- (a little scared) ok.

****click****

I then hurry through the rest of my visit ( I was gone less than 45 minutes) and get home and she runs past me saying "oh that wasn't so long..." and I mostly want to choke her because it would have been a lot quicker and a lot less irritating if she would have just let me shop and not called.

Heres where the Aspergers comes in, she really feels like if she says it differently, I will understand her. She honestly believes that the reason I have said no is because she said it wrong or I heard it wrong and my cat feels the same way!

I love the Aspergers in her for so many reasons, the persistent rephrasing of the same question is not one of them.

Happy Birthday to the one who turned my life rosy posy pink

Nineteen years ago I was laying in a hospital bed in writhing pain having natural child birth, and working so hard to see a healthy little tiny baby…. just baby. We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl and we didn't care, or so we thought.

I worked and worked…I cried and pushed and just when I had had enough, there she was, my daughter. We hadn't cared at all what sex the baby was until she was born. We both sobbed and couldn't believe our eyes, a little girl.

All of a sudden our world turned pink and flowery. All of a sudden I looked around and the world became a dangerous place. All of a sudden every stranger looked like a child molester to me and I couldn't keep her safe enough, close enough, protected enough from the world.

I've spent the better part of 19 years watching her grow, following her when she didn't know it, just so she would be safe. I have watched her from the window of my house, my car and every place in between. I have fallen to my knees praying for God to keep her safe and unharmed. I have paced my floors and my feet raw with worry about this little tiny girl, who incidentally still looks like a tiny girl to me, I don't care how old she looks to anyone else. I have made right choices and wrong choices, I have cursed and cried out for guidance because raising a daughter is hard work.

I have watched this little girl grow, tried to surround her with loving people who would show her a safer path and still the world feels scary to me for her. Every year she gets closer to understanding the heart strings between a mother and a daughter, but as she grows, every single day she loses a little bit of her childhood and gains a little more of her adulthood.

How will I show her that God has a plan for her? How will I give her the strength to look up and not down as she enters these hard years ahead?

All I can say Kid2 is "Be still and know", listen to your mother, she's smarter than you think and when it all comes right down to it, she has YOUR best interest at heart. After all she is the one who has fought tooth and nail for you your whole life.

Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

Happy Birthday LITTLE girl. I love you so much more than I could ever express, more than you'll ever fathom and more than there are stars in the sky.

Slow down and breath. Slow down and Be.

-Your momma

Happy Birthday Keoni

I rushed to the hospital, I couldn't wait to see his little tiny face and squeeze his little hands. I was greeted by a little perfect boy with tall fluffy hair and I was in love. I hadn't felt this way since my mother had brought my baby sister home many years before, She had fluffy RED hair and this little beauty has dark black sticking up chick hair, I loved it. Words can hardly describe the feeling of babies and their little innocence, their perfectness, their beauty. He was certainly no exception.

A little later after all the pleasantries I stood in silence at the nursery window staring at him and wondering what he'd grow up to be. I wondered how tall he would be, how his voice would sound and more importantly, what he would call ME. I often wondered about the future, I often dreamed of what time held for people, for me, for little tiny flawless babies… I was young back then, I was a dreamer and in some ways I still am.

As the years crawled by he grew into a gorgeous little island boy, he loved the sun and sand, he loved everything that was outdoors: fishing, swimming, running in the sand. He was really beautiful in every way. He was a kind "well-loved local boy" who others were drawn to. He made you want to laugh and play and be free. He was silly and smart and amazing. When I think back to the day he was born I can remember the energy in his eyes, and as long as he lived, it never changed.

He was my nephew and I was his Auntie, he brought life to me, to my parents and his parents. He brought laughter to friends and strangers. He brought adventure to my children and to everyone he met. My nephew never met a stranger.

I miss him every day, I wonder what he would be like today, in his twenties, as a full grown boy? I wonder how tall he would have been, what would his voice sound like? He was taken from this earth on a hot summer day and I'll never forget the moment I learned he was gone.

Happy Birthday sweet island boy, Auntie loves you.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Have a great February,

and I will too.