Thursday, June 16, 2016


Dear Brother, you've been gone 15 days and I can hardly wrap my head around it. I knew I would outlive you, yet I'm shocked. Dale and Nicole texted and said they had found shark teeth while walking the beach! That brought them such comfort. Isn't it funny how we find comfort in the littlest things? I'm not finding much comfort yet, I guess time will bring that later. I keep seeing us when we were kids playing in Antlers. I never pictured us as adults back then, Im sure thats best. If we had known what was coming... well... Im glad we didn't know. Tuesday was my hardest day, I just couldn't cope. I keep hearing you in my mind wishing our last conversation was different. Im still looking for peace, send some if you can. Love you forever...

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


Here I am, its been awhile but I had to write to you. Even though I now you won't respond, at least I can feel you reading my words.

He's gone.

Gone adjective-
no longer present, departed.

He is no longer present and there is no future with him. Not a way to say hello, not a single second with him again and I can't breath. I held up pretty well with my parents, with his friends, with myself for a little while. That ended today, I literally hurt with sadness. How do I even know how to grieve for him? How will I be able to function for so many years without someone I've had my whole life?

Today I ACHE to my very core for my brother, not because I miss him, but because he's GONE- theres no future and thats a hard pill to swallow.

Death is final

I don't want to grieve, I just want to be ok and Im not able to control it. Im not ok.

I can't think, I can't write, I can't function today.