Six hundred and twenty four days ago I was given a gift. This wasn't the ol' gift wrapped in a box, tied with a bow kind of gift, it was more like gift wrapped in a person kind of a gift. My little baby (Kid5) was wrapped up all snug in her birth mommas belly for a whole nine months while we waited eagerly. Day after day as she grew in my nieces belly I prayed for her. Day and after day as she grew I wondered what her little kicks felt like to her momma. Day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute I could just feel her in my arms. I wanted this little princess more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I couldn't wait to meet her.
Eighty nine weeks and one day ago after lots of pain and tears, after pushing and working so hard the nurse handed me this little beautiful gift. I held her perfect little body and watched her momma rest. I watched her momma feel relieved that the labor was over and I saw the most amazing thing in her eyes. I saw perfect contentment for her little girl. I had worried about how she would feel, I had prayed for the Lord to give her peace with her decision. Her eyes told me that she was at peace, her beautiful blue-green eyes told me that she knew her baby would be safe in my arms.
She and I spent the next few days together loving on our little baby girl and I wouldn't trade those days alone with her momma for anything in the world. She watched us bond and I watched her grow into mother. My niece will always be my Kid5's momma, she will always have been the only one who felt her kick and grow inside of her. She will also be the one special girl who gave ME a life to raise and adore. I will never be able to thank her enough for making ME a momma AGAIN!
I read** the book "The Shack" and without going into detail because I just don't have the words to explain the book, I will tell you that it really spoke to me. After the book I heard Amy Grants song "Better than a hallelujah". I have heard this song before and I really love it, but this time it spoke to me differently.
Before I go any further here I want to put a disclaimer on the word "drunkard" I think many words are viewed as offensive when actually they aren't. This word means habitually drunk, an alcoholic. It's a fact with no emotion tied to it at all. It's a word, thats all.
Have you ever heard a "drunkards cry"? A drunkards cry is honestly the most sincere cry I have ever heard. I've always known it was honest, I have always known it was sincere but I couldn't explain to you why.
I have known several habitually drunk people, but I have only heard a sincere drunkards cry from three. The first time I heard the cry out for Gods help I was completely taken back, I was speechless and I wanted to take it all from them. I was helpless and they were hopeless. In her song she mentions "the honest cries of breaking hearts are better than a hallelujah" and I think thats such an amazing thought. Often we are wrapped up in obeying rules, following God or commands or people. We get awards, we get a pat on the back for following simple rules or playing a good game… but what about the cries from a drunkard? What about the honestly hopeless man who cries out because it's all he has left? Those are the cries that grab me and twist at my heart. The woman who throws herself down crying out for God to help her, the man who is grasping at all he has left those are the beautiful sounds if you listen to them. Those cries are the cries that are coming from the depths of a mans' soul.
Listen for a drunkards cry, a grieving mothers sob, a terrified soldiers moan, listen for honest grief and reach out. Remember that the cry of a weak man really IS better than a hallelujah sometimes.
** I actually listened to the book and did not read it.
Trying to ignore a cat it heat is like trying to ignore being beat with a stick. I can't tell you the number of times I have practically screamed from the MEOWING! My good friend Cara asked me why on earth wasn't she spayed and heres the thing… I can't be 100% sure what I thought about cats in heat because Im pretty sure I never thought about it besides Bat Girl saying "if you don't get the cat fixed soon she is going to YOWL a horrendous YOWL". But in searching my brain I think it went a little like this
cat in heat
women in menopause-
cat is hot
women has HOT flashes
avoid crabby women
avoid crabby cat
One of my favorite memories of Kid4 takes place several years ago in McKinney Texas. My mom and I went downtown and visited a nice restaurant called Poppy's Garden cafe' for lunch. Kid4 had to potty so I took her to the bathroom. The restaurant is in an old house, its beautiful. It's wasn't particularly busy and there was a lady or two in the restroom. I situated Kid4 in the stall and waited while another lady washed her hands. All of a sudden Kid4 started shouting things like "POOP! POTTY! GAS! BOTTOM! POOP, POOP, POOP!" I was literally speechless, I am positive that the color drained from my face and that my mouth was hanging open. I was really trying to hold it together and was wishing with all of my might that I would have just stayed in the stall with her so that I could be hiding. I said "HONEY, what are YOU doing"? She very nicely and calmly said "Mom, I am saying the words that you said are ONLY words I can use in the bathroom". One lady snickered, another quickly excused herself and I just honestly wasn't sure what to say. She had a point, and I really had no ground to stand on. I think I said something like "how about we change the rule to only saying them in OUR bathroom?" She felt like that was a perfectly great addendum. I was wishing I had thought of that much sooner.
Now I look back and laugh, thank goodness. She still feels completely alone in the bathroom, like ALL bathrooms are sound proof. poor kid, she'll have some hard lessons when she starts dating ;)
I love my little family. I love my big family too. One of my favorite things has always been to load up all my kids in the car and GO. I would have such a peaceful feeling looking in the rear view mirror and knowing that all my kid-lings were right where they belong, WITH MOMMA.
Now days we travel with much less. We pack up two little girls, their little dollies, fancy shoes, hair bows and lovies and were off. I looked back several time on this trip and missed the faces of my big babies, the ones that travelled thousands upon thousands of miles behind me. My big babies were not as spoiled as my little baby girls are. They expected goober grape sandwiches and home made cookies and my little princesses expect a restaurant and a token for the road. Ahhh… the joys of getting older!
Mr. B. mentioned several times how different it is to travel now than it was back then. Im happy that they are adjusting into being grown, but I miss them. I think one day I'll rent an RV, pack them ALL up and go on a grand vacation. We'll laugh, talk about the old days, eat goober grape and homemade cookies!
Until then, I'll enjoy every single second with my little beauties and be thankful for the extra space in the car for their dollies :)
So my cat is in heat and I would like to say that I have never witnessed such horror. I have never seen a cat in heat but I HAVE had teenagers and I hate to admit that it is very similar! Keep an open mind here and trust that this post will NOT get gross, unless your grossed by teens or cats and in that case you better stop reading.
Recently two of my big kids, Kid1 and Kid2 have moved out and are starting their own lives, easy peasy…? Not so much! I thought I would have a little break from whining and moaning until I came home to the horror that is a cat in heat :(
My cat was meowing and howling and begging to GO OUT. Kid4 said that she thinks that she is "acting inappropriately" and I would have to agree. I have felt the EXACT same way about my teens. Kitty moans and whines and scratches at the door. My teens have whined and begged and stood at the door wanting to go out while I said "NO".
Our conversations have often gone like this:
TEEN-hey mom, can I go to the all night after prom party?
ME- well heck yeah, I wouldn't want you to miss THAT!
TEEN- Awesome mom, thanks so much.
ME- Hey (insert teen name here), it's no problem. Im just going to need the address of the party
TEEN- I don't know it
ME- hmmmmmm….. I bet whoever is having the party knows the address, so why dont you wait till you get there and then ask them
TEEN- oh, ok, yeah… I'll do that. What if I can't get it?
ME- Then you can't go.
TEEN- I'll figure it out.
meanwhile back at home after prom…. I get a text with the address…..
TEEN- the address is (socially hosted party, anywhere USA)
ME- Cool, thanks, I'll see you in an hour
TEEN- WHAT? WAIT! I thought you said I could stay?
ME- well honey, I did, but I am going to have to make sure your safe
Me- either I check on you and you stay or I come and get you
TEEN- fine mom.
ME- great, see you in an hour :)
An hour later I pull up to the party.
TEEN- hey mom
ME- Hi honey, having fun? I hope there is no drinking going on… darn, I only wore my pajama pants, but id really like to meet the parents…. hmmmm…. I doubt they will mind what Im wearing… don't you think?
*mortified* TEEN- MOM! NOOOO….. it's ok, I met them and they are really nice.
ME- Awwww… heck, okay, well I'll see you in an hour, I'll wear jeans and go in then.
*confused* TEEN- WHAaaaa….? Wait…. mom….. Im FINE… (insert all the insisting, the excuses, the "I don't drinks" and "why can't you trusts mes" here)
ME- well honey, if you want to stay, I am TOTALLY great with that, but I will want to see you once an hour every hour. I think it's very generous that Im willing to drive here and check on you, so you can stay.
TEEN- never mind, I'll go with you, thats ridiculous, I don't want you here every hour
ME- are you sure, I really don't mind. I like having the quiet time in the car alone
TEEN- MOM LETS GO, JUST DRIVE
ME- awww heck, thanks! This will insure that I will get a good nights sleep tonight. (insert mom evil laugh here)
*crickets* really nothing left to say at this point and there are lovely oldies on the radio… such a nice quiet drive home.
How does this have anything to do with the cat?!
Cat- MEOW MEOW MEOW, MOAN, GROAN, I want to go out!
Me- sure, Id love to take you out ON. A. LEASH.
Cat- SCREAM, WHINE, RUB ON THE DOOR while refusing a leash
Me- if you don't want a leash, I bet we can compromise… this is no problem. I have this great kennel and I am more than happy to put IT outside and YOU in it.
Cat- MEOW MEOW MEOW….. no thanks to the kennel.
Me- how about the laundry room?
CAT- MEOW SCREAM, MOAN, COMPLAIN
Me- how about the garage?
CAT- SCRATCH, MEOW, SCREAM, RUB….
Are you still asking what cats in heat and teens have in common? Whine, BEG, whine, whine, whine.
Moral of the story? Get Cats! I put her in the garage and if Im far enough in the house I can't hear a thing! She has no phone, no computer and no thumbs and can't open the door! Its great.
You know when someone gives you just that great gift that you have no idea how to thank them for? You know how you have the most amazing time with someone and you can't even begin to put into words how much fun you had? Thats how I feel about Bat Girl. She's like the best gift, the best date, the best laugh you've ever had all rolled up into one and I love her.
Bat Girl has been my sidekick, my partner in crime, my nurse and my pastor all rolled up in one beautiful person and I know that Im the luckiest girl in the world to have her.
Bat Girl and I can sit in silence for hours and it never feels awkward, we can talk nonstop and never stop laughing, we can know exactly what the other one meant because I swear sometimes we speak our own language. We are often partners in parenting our many large and small children. I could not have parented my children without such a best friends as Bat Girl. She is an ear to them, a soft place to land and a harsh momma when needed.
I think if Bat Girl and I ever wrote a book about our adventures we would read it ourselves over and over because above all, we love being best friends, comrades and kindred spirits!
Be still and be thankful for your friends, I love you Bat Girl!
My Kid4 and Lindas Kid2 and 3. Friends for life :)
I love me some Leeeeeenda! Let me tell you about my friend Linda, she absolutely was going to be my friend whether I wanted it or not. I love that about her now but back then, I wasn't so sure. She invited me to every play date, every girls shopping trip to Dallas and every MOPS meeting. I declined probably 95% of the invites.
I got brave once, bundled my little Kid4 up and went to a play date that no one else showed up to. I was totally freaked out, I am not social and had no idea what we were going to talk about. We spent the day talking and laughing and although skeptical I really enjoyed her company.
Our little babies are only 4 days apart and we spent many days letting them crawl around and enjoy being babies together. Over the years I completely fell in love with my Linda and can't imagine my life without her. Shes spent hours praying for me, my husband and children. She knows all my sins and bad behavior and she has always loved me anyway.
When I head back to East Texas, she is always my first stop. I can't imagine life without her, I deeply treasure her friendship and respect the person that she is to me and so many others.
Im not sure there is a word strong enough to describe my feelings for Kid5. From the minute that Kid5 was brought to my attention I deeply loved her. I spent nights worrying about her and days daydreaming about her. I knew she was meant to be "Kid5" from the moment I saw her on that ultrasound. We all packed in the room and the nurse announced that she was a girl, I practically did cartwheels of joy. I think I smiled for a week straight.
Kid5 is adopted, she is a gift from her birth mother to our family and we cherish her every little breath and movement. I loved her birth mother too. Her birth mother was a little tiny beautiful blonde who was full of life from the moment she was born.
She gave me the gift of seeing my baby be born, being the first to hold her, the first to kiss her. There are no words to express my gratitude for her. I love her birth mom deeply, I hope she knows that I do.
My beautiful, full of life, curious, amazing Kid5 is a miracle to us. She makes every teenager smile even on a bad day. She brings a snicker to the elderly and hysterical laughter from the little ones. She brings pure happiness, true joy and utter excitement to our lives. We are much older now, we are able to enjoy every mess, every spill, and every diaper. We have loved the car seats, the highchairs, the bottles, the tiny clothes, we love it all. In fact, we definitely indulge her every whim and are totally okay with it. She drags us around from room to room, toy to toy and we are delighted to hear every noise she utters.
Kid5 lights up our lives and anyone she smiles at. She loves everyone she meets and makes any stranger feel at home. She is the friendliest, funniest little perfect girl. This little brilliant beauty completed our family and I can't imagine our life without her.
I have taken a big break in blogging lately but I am always writing in my head. I can think of a million things to say about my beautiful Kid4 yet, I can't seem to get it down on my blog. She leaves me speechless, unsure that she's really a child, she has the wisdom of a wise old Grandma and the advice of a well educated Psychologist.
Kid4 came into the world screaming her little face off and spent many years tortured by the world around her, she has Aspergers. Her ears were infected for years and they hurt. She was for all intents and purposes deaf for a year. I swear to you that if it weren't for the 6 other little hands helping me I might have become a zombie from sleep depravation. Kid4 was our family baby, we all pitched it, we all changed diapers, we all sat up nights with her, we all utterly adored her.
I don't know how she does it, but she has an ability to deeply understand others. She has profound advice and suggestions. She once told an alcoholic very softly that it was time he quit drinking and that he needed help, that same alcoholic is sober today, almost 3 years later. He heard HER.
She is beautiful in a thousand different ways and only silly to those who know her well. She deeply loves who she loves and truly doesn't understand violence or hate. She is often our anchor and our soft place.
The world baffles her, but if you listen to her, if you really stop and listen she deeply understands the important things in life, in people and in her surroundings. I am thankful for her as a person, for her as my daughter, for her as a sister and for her as an aspie girl. I would NOT change one thing about her because her quirks, her funny little things, her aspergers make her the most perfect little girl in my eyes.
Be sill and listen, a little child just might surprise you.