Tuesday, July 19, 2011

sometimes raising kids feels like building your foundation on sand. Did you ever sing that song in church? "The wise man built his house upon a rock… the foolish man built his house upon the sand…."

Somedays, some nights I feel like I built my foundation on sand. Do you ever just feel like your crumbling apart? Do you ever just feel like things, your house, your kids, your life is just slowly slipping away and like a sand through an hour glass and there isn't a single thing you can do about it?

Are your kids ever just so disrespectful that it shocks you? Do they ever speak to you so disrespectfully that it takes your breath away and makes you want to cry inside? Are there ever times when you can't believe those little sweet baby mouths could speak to you with such disrespect? Is it shocking? Is it sad? Does it bring you to your knees? Kids can leave you speechless can't they?

Does life ever take it all from you some days? Leave you spinning inside? Leave you wondering how tomorrow could be any worse? Does life ever leave you breathless, lifeless, limp? Does a hard day leave you feeling exhausted and worthless sometimes? It does me. Sometimes I think I can't take another night, another step, another breathe. Life can sock you in the gut sometimes.

As that sand runs out, as those kids wear you down, as life takes your last breath what do you do to survive? Do you pray? Do you take a walk? Do you meditate? Do you take a minute to breath?

Tonight one of my kids took the very last breath I had and disrespected me. She hurt for the last time today. She made me feel stupid and worthless. She hurt my heart and embarrassed me. I couldn't tell her because these aren't things you tell kids. Sometimes she makes me feel like stupidest person in the world, not worth talking to, not worth respecting. She is very hard to respect as she doesn't like to give respect. She forgets I am also just a human, a woman, a soft hearted mother. She often hurts my feelings and goes on like it's nothing. She's been hard to raise but strong and wonderful too. Theres no way for her to know my adoration for her. Theres no way for her to know how I would die for her. There no way for her to know how I preserve her pride by backing down instead of embarrassing her like I probably should. Theres no way for her to understand that I give her respect even though she doesn't deserve it. She's a very stubborn girl, I like her that way. I raised her that way.

I have to remind myself that a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing…. say it with me…. strong girl good thing. strong girl good thing…. strong girl good thing…….

your welcome to pray for me anyway... or take her off my hands…. ;)

Sunday, July 17, 2011


This whole "carmageddon" thing has me thinking…

have you ever experienced a "Mageddon" of your own? Like you know when you have travelled for weeks and you unpack the car into your house and somehow as you unpack your vacation paraphernalia multiplies from one bag each into thousands? And you have vacationMageddon on your hands!

Or when you agree to a sleepover and at 3 am your daughters friends somehow turn from four to twenty or what may be one-hundred, there are no more snacks, glasses, sink space, bathroom counter space or floor space left in the house and what you have here is sleepoverMageddon!

Think back about how you felt when you offered to do someone you barely knew a favor like watch their house just to be nice but you didn't realize that they had 47 cats and one small litter box. Remember when you offered to cook your neighbors dinner but their family of 17.9 was there visiting and your stove quit working but you did it anyway because you COULD NOT SAY NO? yeah…… thats suckerMageddon!

When my kids were all little at once and had to be at three different schools at 8 am, that was momMageddon, and I miss those days because the teenMageddon I am not enjoying quite as much since the nothavingcontrolMageddon is not nearly as much fun as the babyMegaddon and the zombieMageddon from the nosleepMageddon due to newbornMageddon.

The bottom line is I think there will always be some sort of "Mageddon" in your life. I mean lets be honest here from newbornMageddon to teenageMageddon to collegeMageddon to engagedMageddon to grandparentMageddon… theres always some sort of "Mageddon". The key is how we deal with it.



goodluckMageddon :)

Friday, July 15, 2011

learnin' to ride...

Tonight Im thinking that raising kids is kind of like teaching them to ride bikes. There are 3 types- or at least in my house there are 3 types.

Type 1 you can never let go of or they WILL certainly fall, it seems they are always looking back for you. You know the ones that cling to you on the first day of school, the ones who hold on tightly, who aren't excited to spend the night with their friends? You know the ones who expect that you will always save them? Type 1 will break your heart because as you try to let go he will cling to you and if you let him hold on it will only hurt him in the end when it's time for him to be a grown up. Type 1 kids usually have a heart of gold.

Type 2 kids are always running ahead of you. As you try to hold onto the back of those bicycles they are riding away from you, you are running behind just to keep up trying to convince yourself that YOU are actually helping… but you know deep down that they are doing it themselves. Type 2 kids are so independent. They are bursting into the doors of school, eager to learn and begging to spend the night away from home. You cringe in pain worrying sick that something will happen to them because you can barely keep up to keep an eye on them. These little Type 2's will be the apple of your eye but my goodness it's hard to hold them back sometimes. They want to grow too fast!

Type 3 kids are okay with whatever happens. They will ride their bike if you want them too and if you are ready to help them, but they are fine to wait until YOU are ready. These kids will do whatever, whenever at your pace and you can finally breathe again. They will let you walk, run or skip behind the bike- HECK they'll let YOU ride the bike if you want too! Type 3 kids will go to school if you want them to and go with a smile, but they are happy to stay home too. My type 3 kid is secretly stubborn as a mule but is the light of my life. This kid has been a joy since he was born.

So far… my kids are repeating these patterns… we'll see what happens… It's an odd thing to watch kids grow. It's heart breaking, heart filling. It's wonderful, magical and horrible all at the same time.

Tonight my heart is breaking in two as I am having to teach some really hard lessons to one of my babies. I hope he understands one day how I love him. I hope he can forgive my parenting and know that being stern and strict is in his best interest. I hope he can truly know how I adore him, how I have lived for him and how I spent hours and hours praying over him as a small child. Now that he's grown he has to fly.

Good luck my baby… I'll always be your momma bird if you need me.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


My friends, my niece Audrey Bullington has been missing for over 10 days. Our family is worried sick about her. Please keep your eyes open for her. We are begging Audrey to go home tonight or to please let someone know she is safe.

Missing: Anyone with information leading to the location of Audrey Bullington , age 16, please notify the Springfield MO police department 417-864-1810.