Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Do you have great memories with your cousins? I DO! I wish I could remember every single second with my cousins because no matter which cousins they were we ALWAYS had a blast! There was no better news than to know we were headed to Hillsboro to visit our cousins… they were SO FUN!
My kids and their cousins are simply NO exception- when cousins get together; there is always lots of giggling, joke telling and late night TV watching! We had the privilege of visiting ALL the cousins before Christmas this year and had a great time.
Cousins are such a blessing, they are built in best friends, family you might actually pick and loads of laughs!
WE LOVE OUR COUSINS!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Kid 4 got an American girl for Christmas this year… actually she got 2. She got another baby doll and a historic doll. I was telling a friend of mine about them today and she said “I get it, a doll’s a doll… right?” and I emphatically said “NO!”
American girl dolls ARE different. They are different for so many reasons and I’m not sure I can put it into words. I fell in love with Bitty Baby by the American girl doll company many many years when kid2’s best friend Olivia put her into my arms. She wanted me to hold her baby, to cuddle her near me… this little doll felt different to me, special. I will never forget the moment that Olivia put her in my arms because years later when Olivia was struggling I knew she was clinging tight to that doll, I knew that her little dolly was keeping her safe. These dolls are not only exclusive, well made and last forever they are a friend to many, comforting to countless and the holder of loads of memories.
For many years we lost Olivia and I thought about her doll and how she how she dressed her up and pushed her in a stroller, how she hugged and kissed her, and how she so carefully placed her in my arms that day. One day we received a catalog in the mail from American Girl Doll company and as I flipped through the pages of that magazine, my eyes filled with tears because there she was- a replica of Olivia’s doll. I looked at that magazine over and over wondering if ordering it for Kid2 would only remind her of losing her Olivia…?
Many years later I was blessed with another little girl, we wanted to name our Kid4 Olivia after our beloved girl but we knew it would be too hard to say her name every day while not having her… then miraculously one day Olivia came back to us. One day she was in our lives again and we felt overwhelmed as she handed her doll, her beloved American Girl doll, the very one I had held all those years earlier to Kid2. Kid2 stood in silence, she knew what this gift meant, and she knew this meant that she would never lose Olivia again. She clung to that doll as we left Olivia that day. Her American girl doll, the one that Olivia gave her sits in a basket day after day watching over her. It’s more than a doll, it’s a friend to her, that beloved baby doll got her best friend through hard times, it’s more than a toy, it’s a connection, it’s a heart string bonding one friend to another…
When Kid4 was three years old I ordered her a bitty baby, a friend, a companion to be by her side and she has loved her bitty baby every day. Bitty baby travels with us, she joins us for family events. She is well loved, held at night in the dark and the holder of tears when necessary. This amazingly well made doll is more than a simple plaything, she is the holder of my girls’ heart and I love her too.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Dear Mr. B.
My lifetime, long time and forever and ever partner Happy Anniversary to you. I often look back at our life and how we started so young and can’t believe we’re here… at this stage of our lives. I often look at our kids and can’t believe they are almost grown. Can you believe that time flew by this quickly?
I have always felt lucky to have you. It’s very hard to put nineteen years into words, to write on paper the things that we have witnessed, been through, loved and lost together… Its very hard for me to describe my love for you, a forever kind of love, a love we worked for and appreciate.
I love you Mr. B. I love you for the hard worker that you are, for the man that you have grown to be, for the father that you are to our children and to our children’s friends. I love you for loving me despite my many flaws and millions of quirks. I love you for being you, for being honest and for loving me back.
Thank you for nineteen years, for the best memories a woman could ask for and thank you in advance for a lifetime well spent on a good man.
I’ll always love you,
Mr. B.’s wife
Friday, December 24, 2010
I grew up here, playing, exploring, learning about the circle of life, cuddling baby piglets, kittens, bunnies and puppies. I spent my summers right there in that barn in hot sticky Oklahoma and loved every minute of it. My cousins, brother and I spent hours in the feed swimming in mounds of corn. We spent lazy summer afternoons laying in the pig pens watching the piglets nurse from their tired mommies and stole kisses from their teeny tiny perfectly pink snouts when they took a breath. We spent days and days running through the garden, gathering eggs and playing in mud. This place, this summer getaway was like heaven to us. It has aged, but so have we. There it stands still though, guarding my childhood memories like a soldier. I have always felt my memories were safe here at this barn, on this property under this red hot Oklahoma sun.
I love to bring my kids to this place. My Kid4 LOVES animals and was in heaven when she got to pet the new bull. She memorized his number so she could remember him better.
This picture is hanging on the "wall of fame" in my Grandfathers house. It hangs with the other family members and lets us see just how fast we grew. This picture seems like yesterday, I can still remember exactly everything about that day. Oh we have grown and changed. Isn't my sister a doll face? I treated her like my own personal little baby doll! She's still as cute as a button!
P.S. Happy Christmas Eve! I hope all your dreams come true!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
sometimes when I travel I have to remember to
Sunday, December 19, 2010
We’re road trippin’ again! Are you shocked? I know YOU are!! (since I never travel)
The kids and I are meeting my parents in Dallas up pick up Kid3 and have a little Christmas with them. We are heading out on our little adventure about noon and Kid1 and I are going to drive straight through to Dallas tonight.
Kid4 is VERY excited to see her Grandparents- she is SUCH a Grandparents girl!
Our trip looks like this- Dallas Saturday, Oklahoma Sunday and Mt PERFECT on Monday and Tuesday! You KNOW how I LOVE Mt. Perfect! I am excited to put my arms around my Granddaddy and feel his scratchy kiss on my check. I am looking forward to driving those roads that are etched in my mind so deeply. Mt Perfect makes me feel home, makes me feels safe and reminds me that I DO have roots.
We made it safely to Dallas and I am typing this from our hotel early this morning, I came downstairs to have a minute to myself before this day starts, you probably already know what it’s like to be in the car with 4 children ranging in ages from 18 to 6! If you don’t know what it feels like, I can hardly describe it. There are conversations ranging from the fastest car on the planet to what would be the best dress for our beloved baby Stella dolly.
We added another exciting adventure to this particular trip and we are SO excited! We are headed out of Mt Perfect on Tuesday and are going to visit my darling nieces in Missouri. I can’t tell you how much I love to be all stuffed up in my truck with the kids. The mountains of books, movies, pillows and blankets- THIS is the way I love to spend my days. All my chicks up under my wing, all buckled in and chatting away to each other and me…. Pure heaven.
Wish us luck on our travels and pray for good weather the whole way. And thank you my friends for reading my many adventures, I love sharing my life via with you!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
“I HATE it when the right lane ends”…. These are the words from my baby’s mouth as he drives me and his sisters across the country to meet my parents and pick up our beloved Kid3…. As he chats on I want to throw up because it’s not AT ALL that he’s not a good driver… it’s VERY MUCH that I am a nervous Nellie.
I want to sleep.. Im tired but I just can’t. Partly because he is ME and chatting my ear off and partly because I am too nervous to sleep… will he drive off the road…? Will he text and drive? Will he try to reach a snack and kill us all? What if an armadillo runs out in front of us and he swerves…
He did great, but I didn’t sleep a wink because he said things like this to me ALL NIGHT…
“What if you receive a thousand dollar bill in the mail and it was postmarked Agent X, but you knew it was me… would you be worried or thankful for the money… ? “
“What if I told you that I was moving you out of the country because I had gotten mixed up in the cartel and I changed your name to Gloria shoesack…..? “
“MOM- what if you could pick anything you wanted to drive would you drive a Honda? Would you want a civic….? “
“MOM, what if I your car could drive 200 miles an hour, would you?”
“What if I become a spy and gauge my nose to I have a keen sense of smell?”
“Lets say the worlds about to end and Im the only one who could save it but I die…. BUT I manage to save it first, would you have a sense of pride knowing your son saved the world?”
DO ALL BOYS DO THIS?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sometimes I think I’ll absolutely die without him… I know I know... I always say the sheets, the vacuuming, and the reading to kids…. But its so much more and I don’t even have the words…
All I want to be is mad... mad that he is leaving. Will I be okay?
Sure I will be. I WILL MAKE SURE I AM. I will lock my own doors, I will lock my own car, I will put myself to bed, turn out the lights and make sure my house is out of harms way…
But I won’t be unscathed, I won’t be unharmed, I won’t be protected by him. He’s always protected me… I’ll be alone in a way. (Minus lots of kids- thank GOD)
And the shocking news is that my son, my baby, the other only man whom I truly trust is also leaving. Im thinking….
There is not one single thing I can do about it. Any of it… I can’t change it, not one minute, not one day, not one thing. They are leaving me and I’m going to have to be independent.
And I’m not really all that good at it.
I’ll make it, I know that I will.
(Whining DOES help … right?)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Dear BFF for ever and ever and ever,
Happy Birthday to you! You are so much more than just my friend; you are my better half, the filing cabinet in my head, the color in my cheeks and the giggle in my heart! I can’t imagine a single day without you, a single minute of you not being in my life. There just isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. You are the best friend every one should have.
Trying to describe you to anyone is almost impossible. How do you tell someone that your best friend is an extension of yourself, someone who’s heart broke with mine when my nephew was killed, someone who stood by my side as I watched my Grammie suffer and never had to say a word because she knew exactly how I felt. How can I possibly explain to anyone else how if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t even be the person I am right now, I wouldn’t exist as I am? How do you tell another person who doesn’t have their own personal “Bat Girl” how you were just as excited as I was to meet Kid4 when she was born, that you waited all night for her and held her the second she was born? How can I explain it?
The fact that I don’t even have to explain to you how my heart is breaking that my oldest child is grown, how kid3 melts my heart away, how I think kid2 is the most amazing human on earth and how I couldn’t even take a breath without my Kid4 gives me a peace that surpasses understanding. The mere certainty that you are mine to love and rely on is an honor.
YOU my friend, my Bat Girl, My BFF make every day a WHOLE lot better, you make the sun shine brighter and you make life not only worth living but exciting , new and amazing.
I love you Bat Girl, Happy Birthday.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
This kid, my mechanic, my first love, and the one who made me a mother is leaving me soon. He’s leaving in a little more like 7 months and a little less like the 18 years that flew by like a bird in a hurricane.
Where did it go? Where did that little chubby baby go? When did he walk, run, go to school? When did this blonde haired beauty, this little silly boy turn into a man? How is it even possible for the hands of time to turn so quickly? Is it feasible that 220 months and 5 days have passed this quickly?
I remember the very second that he was born, the minute they laid him on my chest; I can still feel how heavy he was. I can still see his little swollen face, his eyes blinking opening and closing at me as if to say; “MAN, I hope you can do this next 18 years!”…
And here he is, grown, almost gone and here I am, wanting to hold on as tight as I possibly can. Here he is, fixing his own car and here I am, wanting to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him for hours like the old days.
Time has flown by and I don’t think this whirlwind will stop any time soon. He is grown and as he boards that plane to boot camp in July I think I will wrap myself in a blanket and sleep for a few days, closing my eyes and remembering that little toe headed boy running on the beach in a warm breeze just a little longer…
Friday, December 10, 2010
I had one of those days that would probably be best if it just ended…it’s not that my day was terrible… my days are never terrible. I think a bad day is relative thing. A bad day to me and a bad day to you could be very different.
All day my heart sank when I thought of Mr. B. leaving. So far it’s the little things that I am freaking out about… maybe it’s all 300,000 of the little things? WHO is going to put the sheets on the beds? (I DID tell you that Mr. B. was the official sheet putter on-er….. right?) Who is going to clean the kitchen after dinner? Who is going to read book after book to Kid4? Who is going to take care of the kids’ million questions when I have had enough at the end of the day? Who is going to put their foot down about grades, talking back and messy rooms? Who is going to point out that I need new tires? Who will mow the lawn? And 299,992 things?
I do realize this could be worse… I have some VERY EXCITING things to look forward to while Mr. B. is gone, you will be SO surprised when I tell you the things I have to look forward too. (or maybe you won’t be…. Who knows!)
Wish me luck as I dive into the endeavor and more importantly please keep Mr. B, in your thoughts as he defends our country for a year and misses some VERY big milestones!
Honey, I already can’t wait for you to get back and your not even gone yet!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
A few months ago this little lady had to have an echocardiogram and to be honest Mr. B. and I were freaking out! As soon as the Dr. said “significant heart murmur” I freaked out a little inside… it’s a sick feeling to think something might be wrong with your child. We didn’t have to wait too long to get the echo done, it was less than ten days, but we were on pins and needles every one of those days waiting. I caught myself looking at her and wondering how parents of VERY sick children can even sleep at night? I have a friend whose kids are often in the hospital and I admire her strength.
When the day of the echo came we were at the appointment early, coffee in hand ready to face this head on… I’m going to keep this short… we ended up switching hospitals and having a later appointment (mostly because I don’t check my voicemail). When my little goose climbed up on that big hospital bed and the nurse started looking at her heart with every swipe I looked hard at the machine, at the colors. I listened to her little heart beating away and wondered how I even made it through one single day without her before she came to me. I sat thinking about my children and how they have blessed my life, all in different ways. I thought about my big girl who lives so far away and how I could not love her more. I thought about how lucky I am to have children…
Her echocardiogram came out fine. Nothing. She’s fine, and I wonder how I am so lucky? I am so thankful to have a healthy child. She is MY heart.
Scare over. Heart healthy… and we can breath again!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Pearl Harbor Hawaii has a special place in my heart for many reasons.
My Grandpa B was on the USS Drexler and has always been a big Navy fan. On May 28th, 1945 at 7 am the USS Drexler was bombed. I grew up listening to Navy stories and have always admired my Grandpa B and loved his words and stories. I miss him daily.
December 7th, 1991 is the date that Mr. B. was planning to marry another woman and I’m glad he picked me… (I DID tell you he was engaged when we met right…?) I always think of her on December 7th and hope she’s happy too. She is a really sweet girl from an amazing family.
I grew up in Hawaii and spent many afternoons visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial and if you have never been I cannot truly describe it to you. It’s a watery grave, a solemn place, and a site to stand in awe pondering freedom and loss. Just looking at it from afar does no justice. You have to stand over it to understand.
In 1991 the USS Chosin sailed across Pearl Harbor along with many other ships stationed at Pearl Harbor that year as a tribute to the fallen sailors. Mr. B. was standing at attention in his whites along with many other sailors. Pearl Harbor, the ships so stoically swaying at the dock and the Navy causes a stirring in my heart.
On December 7th 1941 Pearl Harbor was bombed. You probably know the story, most Americans do. Hawaii along with Pearl Harbor lives in my heart as a special place to be, a place full of memories and my beloved home.
I hope you too can remember something special today.