flying monkeys bowling and the childrens museum ALL packed into a few days!

I haven’t had time to blog about my fun friend Linda coming to visit. I ended up being sick while she was here and was pretty grouchy but we had a good time in spite of me!

There are a few things you should know about my fun friend Linda before I even start talking about her.
*************************************************************************
Dictionary.com’s definition
Linda [Lin-duh]
Noun, a female given name meaning “pretty”

My definition
Linda [Lin-duh]
Noun, a female who loves cheese and sushi (not necessarily together, not necessarily NOT together).
Verb, a busy female who is in charge of playgroup and many children including a brilliant curly haired darling.
*************************************************************************
I met Linda many years ago when my Kid4 was a little baby. Linda liked me but didn’t understand my quirks and behaviors. She always invited me to playgroup at her house and I often declined due to my not so social awkwardness.

After years and years of persistence (on her part) Linda has become a very good friend of mine and she packed her 3 kids up and friend of Kid2’s to come and visit us ALL THE WAY in Georgia. Now THATS a friend!

I make the drive to Mt. Perfect often, but I love to drive, most people can’t do it and enjoy it at the same time.

She teased me about the drive not actually being 13 hours but I don’t dilly dally… it took her almost 16. Here’s the cold hard truth. Linda stopped at the mall AND many other times to stretch! It was hard to convince her that it was really only 13 hours even counting gas stops. I think she probably secretly stopped for cheese a few too many times!

We had an action packed week full of fun kid stuff. Remember how I posted our schedule here? (I really should be a cruise ship director) we we’re able to do about everything we had planned and had a great time.

Here are the pictures to prove it.

Jacksonville Beach

looking for shells

finding shells

she listened to every single shell to hear the ocean.

While Mr. B. and I were in Jacksonville, Kid4 talked us into taking her to the beach. She just could not see going to Florida without a beach visit. We took her Saturday night and as Mr. B. tried to enjoy the salty air and sand between his toes his neck was killing him. He and Kid4 walked to the water line, collected shells and enjoyed a short time on the beach.

A thunder storm came shortly and ran us off but we got a whole bag of shells and she was worn out!

I love the beach, any beach and apparently Kid4 does too!

Houston.... we have a problem!

As you know Mr. B. was down the last few weeks with terrible shoulder pain that turned out to be neck pain… as you also know Kid4 and I took him to Jacksonville last weekend so he could do his Navy drill as he could not drive himself being in so much pain and on pain medicine.

I think I have told you before that Mr. B. and a clean car window are like peanut butter and jelly, shoes and socks, ball and bat. We NEVER have a dirty car window. If there is something on the windshield Kid4 will say "WOW, we better get gas so Daddy can clean THAT window"! He cleans the windshield every time he gets gas- no exception!

UNTIL… he hurt his neck. So needless to say over the last few weeks while he was in pain our window got more and more dirty and he got more and more sad about it.

I am not a window cleaner, I would rather lean around the bugs, bird poop and road grime than clean the windows. I am a simple girl when I get gas, I just get gas… no extras. I am afforded the luxury of not cleaning that window because my sweet Mr. B. is so neat and clean, he keeps the windows nice and I don’t have too. (I realized HE kept it so nice when he was gone for a long time once- the window DID NOT clean itself and I had to give in and do it myself)

This weekend we went to dinner at this great little sea food place and while we were in the restaurant this happened

I was in total disbelief! How big was this particular bird? Was it a herd of birds? Is there such thing as a "herd of birds"? I mean WHAT THE HECK!?

When I got in the car my mouth literally hung open with shock. I looked over at Mr. B. who was looking at me with great fear. He was afraid I would lean around this mess the whole drive home. Poor guy he just knew he would have a complete break down if his eyes wandered to the purple disaster and I leaned the whole 5 hours home.

As we left the restaurant I found a hose on base and cleaned the window (I know, I know shocking isn't it?!) I knew he couldn't take the stress of this NOT SMALL problem and I was afraid I would end up blind driving home while squinting.

So YES, I cleaned it! And NO, I never found out who or what in the world made this purple mess... Barney?

He's home

Well my sweet Mr. B. is home

he feels great!

Dear friends,

He's BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK...

and he's doing great!

We're sitting here together watching TV

enjoying each others company

relieved that we still have each other to enjoy!

I love him! He's so sweet and great and he's still here to love...

I'm so thankful tonight for Gods grace and amazingness.

I'm also so thankful for my friends, thank you for praying for us through this time.

Thank you friends!

Dear BatGirl,

Thanks for sitting with me all day freezing, listening to the other patients stories, starving and worried! You're the absolute best, comparable to NONE, I love you to the ends of the earth!

he's doing GREAT!

Hi friends,

Mr. B. is in recovery now and everything went fine.

I talked with his Dr. and he said he did great!

I knew he would, he's so strong and healthy.

I am anxious to see him and carefully put my arms around him

Thanks for your prayers today!

Still waiting

waiting....

waiting....

waiting....

still waiting....

How long does it take to cut open someones neck and cut out a disc?

I guess longer than an hour...

I'm not a good waiter!

Update on Mr. B.

Mr. B. just went into surgery at about 2:40 pm (Monday)

if your just tuning in you can catch up by reading this post and this post

We're both a little nervous but know that God is in control.

I will be sure and update after surgery to let you know how great he is doing.

I'm sure he will do great- he's really healthy and strong.

Bat Girl and I are sitting here waiting and also praying for Stellan.

Stellan is not doing well, please remember to pray for the MckFamily today.

praying for Mr. B.

Dear friends,
It’s surgery time for Mr. B.
see THIS POST to catch up.
Please say a little prayer for us today.
We have put our worries in God’s hands

(not to say that I’m not worried, but I’m trying!)
Mr. B. will be sore after surgery as they are going in through his neck.
He comes home tomorrow (Tuesday)
He’ll recover from home for the next few weeks.

I'm a really good nurse so he'll be in good hands.
Thanks for thinking of us

Love, Mr. B. and me

a silencing shower for one

Does everyone remember the Silence of the Lambs?
Do you remember the part when they have him in the middle of a room in a cell (right before he escaped)?
That’s how I felt when I got in this shower last night…
It’s just added in the room all unplanned and just sitting there…
I was glad to escape the unplanned shower with very little work and no mask!

(How about next time, I’ll just grab a hotel while Mr. B. stays on base?)

HELP ME

I'll take Door number 3 Bob

Quaint-adjective, -er, -est. -having an old-fashioned attractiveness or charm

Cute- adjective - attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.

So this “cute, quaint” (my words) room is less cute and more quaint, if you look at quaint as old fashioned- it IS certainly old fashioned!

One of the strangest (and by strange, I mean scary) things is all the doors… I get that this room use to be many rooms, I just don’t get how. There are doors willy nilly and they just painted the door knobs white so the people staying here wouldn’t notice them….? Like I said, strange!

Here's a little tour- WELCOME

if that doesn't say come again, I don't know what does?

door #1 is behind the couch and lamp....? Where might it lead to?

door #2 is IN the closet, they took the knob off this one... afraid we might notice?

mystery door #3 is in the bedroom next to the bed and behind the bedside table, someone scratched the white paint off of this knob.

Here's the "quaint" part.

IT'S OLD FASHIONED!!!.... right?

Mr. B.- EXPOSED!!

Today (Friday), my friends, was a hard day.

Mr. B has been in excruciating pain lately. It started as a crick in his neck and has left him in misery. After several Dr.’s visits, 2 MRI’s and a long day we have an answer.

We spent most of the day praying it wasn’t a tumor on his neck. The Dr. took one look at his MRI and feared the worst. He sent us to have an emergency MRI that confirmed no tumor and pointed to spinal damage from a herniated disc.

Monday, late morning Mr. B. will be having surgery to remove the herniated disc and fuse C-5 and C-6 together (that’s a little spinal talk for ya)

I landed here in Jacksonville with Mr. B. for his reserve weekend because he can’t drive himself on all the pain meds. Kid4 and I packed our bags and here we are in Florida having a very humid time in a freezing room. (We left the teenage chatterer’s at home with Bat Girl, not that Kid4 is quiet but it’s nice to have just one little one sometimes)

**I try to not be a complainer but I gotta tell you, this room is Cah-REEPY… it’s in an old Navy building and it’s well…. Creepy! I will take pictures tomorrow. I’m trying to look at the whole building like a quaint cute little bed and breakfast with funny quirks, bad decor and mystery doors, you know…. Don’t all quaint quirky bed and breakfasts have mystery doors? …. How about you just don’t tell me either way!**

While Mr. B. sleeps I sit here wondering if he will be okay. I know time is in the hands of God and I’m okay with that. I am not done spending time and making memories with my Mr. B. yet but it’s all in Gods hands and I trust him. We’d love a little prayer if you don’t mind though.

Thanks friends!

How we met

our first date

I just ran across Mrs. Yellow hats how we met blogging carnival and I am really enjoying it. I thought I would jump on the how I met my sweetheart bandwagon.

Here’s my little story that has turned into a 17 year and counting on forever marriage.

On a warm sunny Hawaiian afternoon at my childhood church up walked a lonely sailor and I instantly fell in love. And that’s a true story.

Here are the details; I was working that Sunday at the “greeting table”. In Hawaii there are lots of visitors from the mainland wanting to see just how a church in Hawaii happens. They picture flower leis, bare feet, muu muu’s and some of that is true, I never wore shoes to church, but I also never wore a muu muu! There I was, a young girl, there he was, a mostly grown man, he came to church that day, it was his birthday, he felt lonely and guilty that he hadn’t been to church much since he joined the Navy.

As he walked towards me, I leaned over to the lady next to me and said “I’m going to marry him”. She laughed, I laughed all the way to the alter!

I was mesmerized by him, I couldn’t look away, he was engaged to a girl in his hometown… long story short, we wrote hundreds of letters to each other over the next few months and through his words I truly fell in love with him. Still 17 years later I love his writing, his notes and letters.

We got married not quite a year later and although we have not had a perfect marriage I wouldn’t change a bit of it because every moment, every single event made us who we are today, and I love who we have become!

**Here’s a little side story. Before we were officially dating, he was on a ship and he was gone a lot so I asked a friend of mine at church who knew him to tell me his last name. My friend told me and I scratched it out on a little tiny piece of paper and it’s still in my Bible to this day. **

These are a few of my favorite things...

Friends, what are your favorite things? What do you always have near? Are their things you would never leave the house without? Are there things that you cringe thinking about losing?

I love to have an emergency kit near me, in my purse, in my car, an extra in my house. If you know me well, you know that I have everything a human can need (and probably want) in my bag in the car. I always have a pony tail holder, I always have burt’s bee’s lip balm, I always have at 3 types of anti-bac, I always have my cell phone, tweezers, mascara, band aids, single dose Benadryl, Kleenex, tape… you get the idea.

Once, a little girl broke her arm at the soccer field in Mt. Perfect and I had a roll of waxed paper in the trunk of my car and they set her arm with it. Why waxed paper? Because if the slides at the park aren’t slippery waxed paper does the trick silly!

So what are your favorite things? What are the things you always keep within an arms reach? Let’s make a list, shall we?

apparently Im fat AND old!

Kid4-Mom, I'm getting fat like you

me- oh... okay (really... what can I say?)

Kid4- It's okay Mommy, don't feel bad, everyone gets FAT when they are OLD

me- okee dokeee (SERIOUSLY! What can I say yet again?)

Oh life with Kid4 make for such memorable days!

Please bear with me

I have pneumonia and the background on my blog is all messed up...

Im just feeling too sick to fix it.

I will get on this whole dysfunctional background problem as soon as I get to feeling better.

So please forgive the ugliness!

Thanks friends!

Ashley

PS don't worry- Mr B. and Bat Girl are taking exceptional care of me!

budding divas, blossoming beauties and WHATEVER!

One of my very favorite bloggers is Meg Duerksen, from Whatever. I have been reading her blog for quite sometime now and when I first started I spent days and days reading her archives, she is an amazing photographer, mother and blogger. When Cora Mac became so ill, Meg so whole heartedly hurt for her and her family, her writing showed her true compassion and kindness.

Friends, Meg IS worth reading, trust me.

My favorite things about whatever are Megs decorating, the stories about her children and her amazing photography. Meg does amazing art projects, is a killer decorator and can make a rainbow cake that would keep a leprechaun searching for gold!

Go and look at Meg’s blog, enjoy it, it’s riveting and gorgeous!

BUT

I also want you to study the picture of Kid4 above while paroozing her beautiful blog.

WHY does my kid look like a disaster when I let her dress herself and why does Megs daughter Annie always look so cute when she dresses herself? Is it a Kansas thing?

gorgeous

I love this idea! Isn't it gorgeous? I think I'll use burlap in my basement, but RED burlap really speaks to me...

summer thoughts

Some of our summer has been busy and some has not. As you know we have made one big road trip and visited lots of friends and family in June. The month of July has been more relaxing, we are looking to my fun friend Linda visiting this weekend but mostly we have enjoyed being home, cooking out, swimming, hot days, playing hide and seek, sonic slushies, finishing up decorating in our house… you know summer stuff?!

Yesterday we watched TV, played high-ho-cherry-o, colored many pictures, went to Kid4’s doctor’s appointment for a pesky ear infection and read lots of stories. We skipped swimming because of that darn outer ear infection- ouch!

Kid4 wanted me to take a couple of pictures of her magnetic dolls that we worked so hard to dress, matching their clothes so carefully so I did. She inspected the pictures and approved. When I looked at the pictures today they made me smile because there’s nothing better than sitting around the house, doing a lot of nothing with your kids. It might be dolls, crayons, books, listening to your teen play his guitar, whatever it is- stop and take a moment to enjoy it.

Those little moments are gone before you know it.

Cherish them.

Star struck!

We walked into Old Navy the other day and Kid4 walked up to the old Navy models and as clear and serious as she could be she looked up at the them and said "HEY! I've seen you guys on T.V.!"

I love 5 year olds... don't you? (most of the time)

loads of fun

I am going to tell you a little story about Mr. B. I am about to tell you how absolutely cute, totally fantastic and wildly wonderful he is. Are you ready?

When Mr. B. travels he normally does his own laundry at the hotel so he doesn’t have to come home and load me down with loads of laundry. He is a very considerate man; he is also a very clean man which I LOVE about him! He’s not the type that tracks in mud, or leaves a big mess somewhere. When he changes the brakes on the truck he get down and dirty but when he’s finished he puts all the tools away, takes a shower and puts his greasy clothes IN the washer so they don’t get on anything else- he’s divinely clean I’m telling you!

If he only travels for just a few days he does bring home his dirty laundry BUT … get this…. he brings it home folded (dirty laundry)!

Isn’t that hysterical? I love it about him. There’s something so sweet about him being gone for a few days and that feeling of knowing he’s back again by having a little pile of dirty folded laundry in the dirty clothes- I love it. I love his little quirks and funny things, but this one especially cracks me up!

Just an FYI, he does not fold his dirty clothes when he’s home, he puts them in the laundry basket, he never misses, he never has a morsel of dirty laundry on the floor. But I would hate for you to think he is stark raving mad… he only folds it when he travels, I think it’s so that it will fit in that little laundry bag in his luggage easier?? Who really knows? All I know is that’s it’s super cute and I greatly appreciate it!

I’ve been dying to show you but I had to wait for him to travel again.

P.S. Im the messy one in our relationship, one of these days I'll tell you about the shoes lying all over the place... maybe it would be best told by Bat Girl or Mr. B.... ??

The Kindergarten blues

I can't believe that my baby is going to Kindergarten this year.

We have been looking for back packs, and pencils. We have talked about new friends and birthday parties...

I'll miss her more than she misses me.

Kindergarten is really bringing me down!

Will I make it through the first week?

a space for those stinky boys

We've been working on the boys room here and there. Kid1 has a collection of movie posters that he wanted on is walls. We framed and hung them. Im not in love with their furniture but it works for them. Bat Girl just gave the boys her old furniture for their room and they love it! They love to lounge around and hang out in their room... It's nice they have a space to enjoy.

So what do you think about the "Boys Lair" so far?

American Idol fan

Our conversation went like this

Kid4- Mom why don't we watch American Idol anymore?
me- It's not on for a few more months honey
Kid4- Is it not on because Randy Jackson died?
me- NO! It was not Randy Jackson, it was Micheal Jackson
Kid4- Is Randy Jacksons name Randy Harmonica Jackson?
me- nope, thats not his name and he DID NOT DIE honey
Kid4- are you sure, I think he did
me- I promise you, Randy Jackson did NOT die
Kid4- Im not sure I believe you.... can I sleep with you tonight?

so on to a different subject thank goodness!

show us where you live

This Friday Show us where you live is Entry ways at Kelly's Korner. Thanks again Kelly!

WELCOME

please pretend that I have re-potted this plant and there IS NOT a plant hanger still on it from the store... please, please, please!

This cute white dresser was my Great Grandma's. Both my girls have used it in their rooms.

that door is the guest bathroom. Kid4 write's little notes on that chalkboard, and when we have guests we write "Welcome _____" it's exciting to Kid4 to write someones name on the chalkboard.

Thanks for stopping. I hope you have an excellent week! My fun friend Linda's coming and we have the best week planned!

faces of summer

Don't you just love the many faces of summer?

entry way woes, wreaths and windows

My entryway has been a little too busy for my personal taste. I talked Mr. B. into hanging 32 pictures of our family in the entry way so that it's the first thing you see when you walk in, but I just never liked it. I wanted to like it, I tried to like it

I didnt like it, it was too much.

I have been struggling with the best things to do with the entry way and although Im still not 100% convinced that this is perfect I do love this wall. (I cant show you the whole think yet, it's not done)

I have one philosophy when it comes to decorating. If I love it, I can make it work in my house somewhere. I loved this window YEARS ago and bought it in Paris Texas on the side of the road. I have used it here and there but this is by far my favorite. I found the wreath at goodwill last week. (Kid2 hates the wreath, I loved it!) I bought the words "Live, Love, Laundry" for my laundry room and haven't hung them yet so "love" has found a new home.

(that leaves my laundry room with "live laundry" and well... thats how I feel somedays, like I'm living laundry)

What do you get when you mix your favorite old window, one "ugly" wreath and a little love?

TA-DA!

of teens and cake

I have a little story to tell you.

I made a cute little lime-ade cake today and it was yummerific.

My kids loved it, we cut it and added a big sweet fluffy drop of cool whip.

Oh' it was a slice of lime green heaven

My kids ate around on it all day, a piece here and a piece there.

Until this happened.

see it?

If you have teenagers you see more than one slice of cake left.

If you have teenagers you know that there is one slice of cake left for one reason...

Can you guess....?

That one slice is sitting there all lonely and un-eaten because if that sweet slice of heaven gets eaten, someone will have to wash out the pan.

And NO-ONE around here would want to do that!

So it sat until I threw it away and washed the pan.

And that is the story of teens and cake.

The End

a little elbow grease and you can have "H-O-M-E"

I saw something (cant remember where- a blog? a book? a magazine???)

I loved it.

I needed a cheap piece of art for my basement.

So I had an idea. (insert lightbulb here)

When decorating my home I have tried really hard to use things I already have- old windows, frames, furniture, pictures of kids, you name it, if I own it I am using it.

(thats a little cheap decorating 101 for ya)

I have a cute walk out basement and although I love it, I haven't given it enough attention. I have focused my attention on the main floor and the girls rooms... my basement has gone virtually untouched until...

this weekend at ideafest 09'

Mr. B. worked so hard to help me complete a few projects and work on the beasement so it is more live-able, more enjoyable and a place the kids will hang out in more.

back to ideafest

Mr. B. cut a big ol' piece of wood into 12x12 squares and with a little sanding and a little paint and a little more sanding and then some letters....

We made this!


I'm thrilled, I love it! It's just the thing that my basement needed.

summer pics

I took some pics of the kids today

I try to take a christmas/winter picture of them

a first day of school picture/fall picture

and

a summer picture

I usually take about 100 but today I ended up with 14

as they get older they have better things to do than stand around together

I wanted a black and white for the entry way

I love the one I ended up with

NO!

you can't see it until I get it all framed and finished

soon my friend... soon

I love me some home cooked meals!

Remember how I told you about my fun friend Linda coming to visit? I am so excited to cook for her, but she’s a REALLY good cook so I'm a little nervous too. I am trying to do semi easy things so I won’t be in the kitchen all day… heres a look at what I have planned.


Sunday-
B- Breakfast sandwiches (sausage, egg and cheese on an english muffin)
L- picnic at the aviation museum (Frito pie in its own bag- fun for kids)
D- Lasagna, green beans, and rolls
*- cheesecake

Monday-
B- scrambled eggs with cheese, toast
L- lunch out at Lanes packing company
D-cook out hot dogs, baked beans, chips and homemade hummus
*- peach cake

Tuesday-
B- egg in a hole with sourdough bread
L- peanut butter and jelly with carrots, chips and hummus
D-hot salt chicken legs, celery with peanut butter, biscuits and leftover beans
*- chocolate chip cookies

Wednesday
B- oatmeal or cereal
L- drive thru for lunch or sandwiches at home
D- Mr. B’s smoked pork butt with corn casserole and homemade focacia bread
*- nutter butter banana pudding

Thursday
Moms
B- chick fil a breakfast
L- Whistle stop café
D- wherever we want…. Its mom’s day!

Kids
B- cereal or oatmeal
L- PBJ or leftovers
D- pizza

Happy Birthday America

What are you doing for July 4th?

I hope you’ll be careful if you go out. I also hope you'll say a prayer for the state of our country, for the leaders and the men and women that serve to make this country free. I know we will. I know that before we dig into our big meal with our best buds, who by the way have and DO currently serve our country that we will pray and thank God for America and the freedoms we have and for the future of our country too.

our 4th of July plans are simple.

We’re staying home with our bestest friends and partners in crime Bat Girl, the Shadow and Dusty. We are going to cook out, swim and hang out all day long together. We’ll probably do a lot of laughing, we will certainly do a lot of eating and I’m sure we will take a nap or two!

I’m certain that our boys will play video games, ride their bikes, swim and probably even watch a little TV.

Bat Girl and I decided to eat at Chik Fil A for lunch because our local Chik Fil A is having a special promotion that whatever you buy on July 4th you can get the exact same thing the next week with a proof of receipt. I see this as a buy one get one free kind of a thing! We love chicken, we love Chik Fil A so we’re totally game for it!

So we’ll go out for lunch, but for dinner we are making…. Drum roll please….

Presenting the I love America menu featuring:
Smoked pork butt (Mr. B’s of course)
Grilled corn on the cob
Potato salad
Green bean bundles
Apple pie
Jello cake
And probably cookies

SEE! I told you we would eat and celebrate! Last year Kid4 and I made flags together and handed them out to our neighbors, it was fun and a nice way to meet new people. I think this year her and I will take little flags and a bag of cookies to our neighbors. If July 4th is all about this country, shouldn’t it also be about our neighbors…? I love America!

Mt. Perfect comes to me!

My good friend Linda from Mt. Perfect and her kids are coming to visit us and I'm trying to plan the best trip possible for her and her kids. Linda and I have been friends for years. She was so sweet to me and always invited me over for playgroup when Kid4 was a baby. Since then we have become great friends and I can't imagine how dull my life would be without her!

Here are my plans-

Sunday-
Church
make a picnic lunch to have at the aviation museum
play at the park there and have a snack
head home for dinner and swimming

Monday-
Lane packing company in the morning while it's still cool
lunch at Lane packing company
Monkey Joes is a great place for kids to hang out and stay cool.
dinner at home and swimming

Tuesday-
making bird feeders while it's still cool in the morning then head out for
Free kids movie at the theater
picnic at home
Big children’s museum for the hot afternoon
home for dinner and a swim.

Wednesday-
morning head to Macon to look at the big Victorians and beautiful downtown
smaller children’s museum for a few hours.
late afternoon bowling
home for dinner and swim

Thursday-
Moms day-no kids! Bat Girl and I are taking her to Juliette Georgia to eat at the Whistle Stop cafe and wander around Juliette... its gorgeous! Her kids are staying home with my kids. It’s a mom’s day off and Mr. B. will order pizza and make sure everyone’s safe and happy, while us girls munch on fried green tomatoes and enjoy the Whistle stop cafe!

What do you think? Am I missing anything? Does it sound like a good vacation for kids? My Kid4 and her second son are almost the exact same age so it’s really like a little vacation for her too. She will enjoy spending time with her buddy and seeing all these fun places too.

Tomorrow I’ll post the menu… You’ll probably want to come too and that’s okay, I love company!

try it!

it made me think

Bat Girl and I went to see My Sisters keeper tonight and it made me think…

It made me think…

It made me think of so many people, some of them I know you have read about losing their babies to cancer. It made me think about my best childhood friend’s mom who is dying of cancer this very minute.

Why?

How can this happen?

It made me think of Hazel. Have I told you about Hazel before? Did I tell you how I loved her and how she was the one person in a very confusing teenage childhood that I could trust? Did I tell you how she made me the mother that I am by her example, the person that I am today. How she made me see that it’s okay to wear pink and red if you feel good about yourself, it’s the confidence that matters, not the colors… did I tell you all of that already?

Hazel was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise confusing world; she was rest for my weary teenage bones. I was her babysitter and she was my everything. I watched her babies and she taught me how to be the mother I am. I gave her baby’s baths and fed them, she gave me a safe place to be when other teenage friends were running wild. She molded me.

Hazel died 10 years ago and when I wanted to see this movie I had not even thought that I would think of her… sadly time has worked its magic and I don’t think of her every day anymore.

I can close my eyes to this day, ten years later and I can hear the words she told me, how she said she had cancer and how cancer would take her life and she was okay with it. I can see her face as plain as day. She was so calm, she was so at peace, she was so serious and I screamed inside. I sat there on the beach next to her trying to understand why this was okay with her and how this could happen to her, to me, to her children and husband.

She taught me one of many lessons that day… this one I’ll never forget. I asked her if she would tell the kids. She said so calmly of course she would because “if I told them I would live and lied, they would never trust anyone again”. She was right, I sat there speechless, breathless really, watching the kids build sand castles hearing the rushing waves beat the shore and I hurt. There I sat with no words and her beside me.

Hazel died while I was there with her. I can remember the minute she died and the words that were said, but I can’t for the life of me remember many days after that. I didn’t deal well. She would have wanted me to be okay and I wasn’t okay for a long time. I missed her, I miss her still, and I’ll miss her always.

My sister’s keeper is a good movie. It’s also real. Cancer is a very real disease. It will render you useless, speechless and hurting. It takes the breath right out of your lungs, the beat right out of your heart and the words from your mouth. Cancer makes you useless, afraid and heartbroken.

It made me think…. again.

And remember her ... and others.