girls, girls, girls!

Girls are darling, really they are! I often say that my girls are the most challenging and it’s true, my girls are far more challenging than my boys. My girls are much more hard headed and strong willed than my boys are but the pay offs to those challenges are totally worth it.

When we had our first girl, I was determined to encourage her independence, make sure she had her own ideas and help her along with her strong will. I wanted a girl who could stand on her own, and be confident in all her choices.

I have to tell you that with confidence and strong will there are also challenges. It’s hard to know where to draw the line sometimes, what is strong will and what is defiance. I sometimes struggled with her as a preschooler trying to help her wade through the waters of being confident with a side of strong will, hold the belligerent.

The preschool years were honestly the hardest with my daughter (Kid2). She had a strong will and didn’t give up. The elementary years were not as challenging but held their own new hardships. Here’s an example: Kid2 would not get dressed for Kindergarten, she would not accept my help getting dressed and refused to change from her Ariel nightgown. I said many times, “We are leaving in ____ minutes, if you are not dressed; you ARE wearing your nightgown to school”. I waited until the very last minute, I warmed up the car and buckled Kid1 and Kid3 into the car and prayed and hoped that as I came back into the house that she would be dressed. I was holding my breath as I entered her room and there she sat nightgown on, arms crossed and an ugly face. I put shoes on her feet and told her that she was going to school in her nightgown and how sad I was that she didn’t listen, but that Mommy made the rules and I said it was time to go. She was visibly mortified but marched to the car. I think she didn’t believe me, I hardly believed myself! I felt sick because the follow through is the hardest thing about parenting. Off we went to mortify her teacher. We arrived at school, dropped Kid1 off, I had chubby little Kid3 in my arms and we walked together to Kindergarten. She was embarrassed but also stubborn enough to hold her head high. I walked to her teacher and said “Mrs. Gauna, Kid2 decided not to get dressed today, so she is wearing her nightgown, hopefully tomorrow she will get dressed when I ask her”. I was sick as I said it, hoping it was the right thing to do! I went home and felt sad all day about her strong will and having to be the kind of parent who does what she threatens. The next day when I woke her up for school she promptly got dressed and we never had that problem again. I was relieved. I had done the right thing. Following through is such a hard thing to do.

I think the key is chosing your battles. Getting dressed might not be the battle you choose, you may choose a clean room, wearing certain shoes or having good table manners. Whatever you choose, I think they key is to stick to it. Halfway through you may feel like you have chosen the wrong thing to stick to- stick to it, you chose it!

Kid2 has always been confident and strong, I depend on her for so many things, and she IS dependable. I know that she’ll watch Kid4 closely; I know that she’ll bathe and put her to bed correctly. She makes dinner if I need her too, she has an after school job that she found all on her own. That confidence and strong have served her well.

Kid2 is right smack dab in the middle of her teenage years and can I just say “YUK”? Although she is such a good kid, teenage years are just a real bummer! Yes, it’s wonderful to see them bloom and grow, it’s also terrifying to watch them fall and blunder and struggle to make their own decisions. Babies are a breeze compared to teenagers.

The good news is that she is wonderful and makes the right decisions most of the time. She is learning to listen to us and take our advice, as we have been there before her. She is growing up to have so much confidence and is an amazing teenage girl. I’m proud to be her Mom.

The moral of this story? Follow through with your toddlers and young kids and you too can have a nice teenager who doesn’t hate you and who is (mostly) pleasant to be around!