Monday, June 7, 2010

1-100, 1-50, 50-100 but better yet 25-75

I was trying to explain something to Mr. B yesterday and as I was going along chatting away I thought I had a really great analogy….

I was trying to explain how he goes too far one way and I go too far the other and we’re not meeting in the middle enough. My analogy went like this-

We NEVER meet in the middle and this is a big problem for us. It’s like you are 1-50 and I’m 50-100, 1-50 being from very conservative to not so conservative and 50-100 being from not so liberal to very liberal. As parents we should be making decisions mostly in the 25 to 75 ranges. Instead you say 1-10, I say 90-100 and it’s simply not working.

This has been a problem for a very long time and I think it’s my own fault. He tends to lean towards NO so I feel like I have to say YES. If we would have answered in the 25-75 ranges, we may have evened out more…. But here we are he’s going one way and I’m going another

Mr. B. and I have said to many people that one of the most important things in a child’s life is consistency. BE CONSISTANT we always say, but it’s easier said than done. We know it’s best, but we struggle to do it. He wants to say no and I want to say yes but the truth is he doesn’t really want to say no and I don’t really want to say yes, we want to do the right thing and neither one of us know if it’s no or yes so we just say our normal reply because it’s easiest and takes less thought.

We’re parenting out of fear. Lets face it parenting is terrifying. We are scared to death that we’re going to make a mistake. I say yes because I am afraid I’ll shelter them too much and they will go wild when they leave home. He says no because then he doesn’t have to be responsible for the outcome. We’re both too scared to step back and take another look before we answer.

This parenting thing is a real trick and I wish I knew the answer. Is it yes, or is it no?

P.S. turns out my analogy was a little more confusing and made more sense in my head… it was a little like THIS analogy I made about marriage.

1 comment:

wabisabigirl said...

Yeah, it's SO MUCH HARDER than I ever imagined it would be!! And mine are still young! I know what you're saying's like you're responsible for these young lives and it's a scary, humbling experience!! I pray everyday that I won't mess mine up!