To my sweet friends

My dear sweet friends,

I didn’t mean to make you sad and I thank you for the outpouring of care you have shown to me. Sometimes one struggles to wrap their mind around how many people really do care. I appreciate you all more than I could ever say in written word.

As my children have grown older my heart has broken a little more with every passing day. I always dreaded them growing up and being independent, I always dreaded the day when I would have to swallow my advice and let them fall to learn. I always broke at the thought of letting them struggle but I have to. There comes a day when you have to let go of things, anything, and let kids be kids and let life be life and just be.

As the years have passed my life hasn’t always taken the turns I have wanted. As the days flew by I think I missed something along the way. I’ve always lived life one day at a time and promised myself never to regret anything and here I am, regretting. If I could turn the hands of time back there are a list of things that I would do differently.

• I would watch my children’s every move two or three times again if I could.
• I would watch each tooth, each step, and each hair on their little heads.
• I would remember the expression they had when they got their first hair cut, lost their first tooth and took their first step, but instead it’s blurry to me.
• I would give better advice to my friends, children and family.
• I would hold them longer and tighter.
• I would protect them more and punish them less.
• I would have spent more time with my nephew.
• I would love my brother and sister more instead of letting them go.
• I would have made such different choices for myself for love and for life.

My sweet friends, I think that I have just taken off my rose colored glasses and am seeing so many things for the first time and I’ll be fine, I really will. Life is sometimes a reality check and I’m experiencing it later in life than I probably should have.

I have stopped to take a good hard look at things and I’ll be okay. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts, I love you all!
Love,
Ashley