self portraits

Bat Girl and I just got DROIDS and we are in love with them! I could seriously marry it... really, it could be the perfect stand in for a man...

but..... that's not what this post about.

I am trying to get better at self portraits... I am terrible at them. I would show you the outtakes but they are WAY to embarrassing and if pictures don't lie, aparently I look drunk often... LOL

My little goose

Dear little girl, my dear little girl, you light up my life. My days are full of sunshine because of you. Every morning when I wake you up and drag your little hiney out of bed I am honored to be your mother. When you wiggle your little self into your school clothes I watch and am in love with the way you move. Every single morning when you can’t find the shoes you want to wear I sneak a peek at those little piggies and the chipped nail polish that adorns them and am giddy that your mine. When I drop you off at school in the morning I always say “have a good day goose” and you smile that little darling smile. You are my baby goose. You’re amazing and smart. You have the whole world at your finger tips. Although I’d love to keep you five forever I am thrilled to have the honor of watching you grow. I love you so much more than I could every express and I am excited to show you for the rest of my life just how much. I love you little goosey.

Dads visit

a visitor

Guess who came to visit me? Well… I say me, but he may have come to see the kids too…. We had such a nice visit with my dad. I just seriously never tire of this man. My Dad has always been my hero. He’s patient, kind and strong. He’s the man every man should want to be. I love you Daddy, thanks for coming!

look at these hard working kids!

My kids, minus Kid4 who snuck into the shot, all work together. Every night I do a load of Sonny's BBQ clothes, every day at least once I trip on those black restaurant shoes and I've even poked my finger trying to pry those name tags off of their shirts a time or two... My laundry room smells like BBQ, I accidentally go to the sonny's parking lot instead of my own job because I'm so use to going there.... and..... you want to know something?

I LOVE IT.

I love it all- the laundry, the smell, the name tags and the the shoes. Having a job in high school shows such good responsibility. I'm so proud of these kids, not just because they have jobs, but because of who they are. These amazing kids have amazing friends and make amazing choices. I love them, I love them, I love them!

Have I said this week that I love my teenagers?

Happy Birthday sweet Weezy!

Dear Amazing girl,

Happy birthday to you! Can I just say how proud of you I am? You are just so smart and so amazing in a million different ways.

I love you, I have loved you for years and I’m so glad you’re ours! You are the best listener, your heart is pure gold, and your sense of humor is unmatchable! I love to listen to you talk with that cute voice and that darling little giggle. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world my girl!

Weezy, thanks for being the very special, very smart and very genuine girl that you are! Thanks for accepting our family the way we are and joining us with no judgments. You fit right in; you are one of us now and I thank God for you. I wouldn’t want to go forward without you, I love you like a daughter and I will love you forever. I feel so blessed to have met you and to meet your friends (I love me some Ambaroo)

I’ll love you forever and always Weezy…. Happy Birthday little girl!

but she wants to go swimming so much!

When I said "no swimming today" this is what Kid4 gave me...

can it stay all year long?

This sign has been hanging in my dining room since March 1st. We had birthday after birthday after birthday... and now that it's time to take it down... I don't want too! I love it.

(and let's be honest- I'll never find it next March, I'm so unorganized.... )

newborns

Some days I really miss a newborn face. Those cheeks, that little soft new born hair, those rolls. There is nothing that feels quite a like a newborn.

I remember those first moments when my babies were born. I can still see their little faces. With Kid1 I was so young and I remember him feeling so heavy when they laid him on my chest. I was surprised that he was so pink. I felt totally prepared for Kid2 but when she was born I was brought to tears because she was a little perfect girl. She was tiny and purple. Kid3 was a giant of a baby and he was gorgeous. He was easy breezy from the minute he was born, thank goodness since he was third. Kid4 literally took our breath away. We were older when we had her and we savored every minute of her firsts.

Oh to have the simple newborn days back...

If everyone could have a kid like this... the world would be a better place!

Once upon a time Kid1 brought home this little punk kid and he walked around like owned the place. He hung out here a lot, he ate my food, he parked in my parking spot, he left his shoes sitting around on the counter and you want to know something?

********************************************
I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM!
********************************************

This kid, Baby Ty, is the sweetest person I have ever met. He would give you the shirt off of his back. This very sweet boy seriously has a heart of gold. Most days he helps me run kids here and there and everywhere, I don't even know what I'd do without him anymore.

He makes me smile every single day. When Im run down he always takes a minute to ask if Im okay. If I'm tired he picks up Kid4, if I'm out of milk, he gets milk. He's amazing. It's not just the things he does that makes him so special, it's who he IS.

Baby T,
If there were a million jillion kids all standing around for me to choose from, I'd choose you. You seriously amaze me every single day. I could spend every minute talking and laughing with you. I just simply never tire of you. Your heart is gold. I have honestly never met a more kind person. The compassion you have towards others takes my breath away. Don't change a single thing Baby T, not one little thing (well maybe the burping... but I can even live with that). Your going places, your life will be so good, my life is so good because your in it. Thank you Baby T, thank you for all you do and for who you are. I will love you always and forever.

Kid4's a hoot and a holler!

Upon further investigation I discover that this is not normal. I’m not saying its weird, I’m just saying it’s not how other kids write… OK… maybe a little weird, but that’s okay. I like it. If you could write backwards, wouldn’t you do it all the time just to see what other people would say? I would!

Upon further investigation, not really current investigation, kid3 drew all the anatomy on his stick people for years so I know that this IS normal. It’s still mortifying to us though. This was the picture she was going to give to her friend at a birthday party yesterday. Mr. B. so kindly said to her “Honey, how about you draw Lindsay another picture WITHOUT boobs”. I laughed!

Oh my life…. What a hoot!

If you've read my blog from the beginning Im sure you know that my family lost my nephew to a tragic accident years ago and still so many days we suffer his loss. I was thinking this month about him more than usual because March is his birthday month along with my sister and brother and so many friends. March 22nd holds a solemn place in my heart because I can still see his little tiny newborn face through the nursery window. I was newly 16 and he was perfect. Have you ever seen an absolutely perfect baby? I know that everyone feels like their babies are perfect but I'm serious when I say you have not seen a more perfect baby boy.His face was a beautiful tan, his eyes were dark and lovely and his little tiny dark dark hair was unforgettable. I can still feel the moment when I was standing there staring at him wishing I could hold and cuddle him. He was wrapped so tight in a little blue blanket and he was content to lay there and wait for his Mama. I could barely take my eyes off of him. I didn't get to hold him that night but I gazed and dreamed about his life and stood in awe that someday he would be a teenager too, like me.

My nephew was ripped violently from this earth when he was 13. August 16th is also a day I'll never forget. The phone calls, the panic, the horror, the heartbreak. The ache will never fully leave me. When I think of how I ache for him I think of my brother and I know his ache is a million times worse than mine could ever be. His pain must be excrutianing daily and I hurt for him wondering if he'll ever fully heal from the tragedy. Can you ever fully heal when you lose a child?

Happy Birthday Keoni Boy, we miss you. We miss the moments we were looking forward to and the times we missed with you. We miss your laugh and your goofiness, your kind heart and your silly soul. Your smile was unforgettable and there are are so many days when I look at your pictures and miss your beautiful smiling face. I have asked why we lost you more times than I care to admit. Your birthday is a day when I think of you and wonder who you'd be today. What would you look like, where would you be, how would you sound? I miss you Oni more than I could ever express.

Love, Auntie

( I published this late even though I wrote it in March. I wanted to find a baby picture of him and also I kept reading and re-reading it because I wasn't sure I wanted to actually publish it.... )

Happy 16th birthday baby girl!

She's growing up....


Dear little girl… where do I even begin.

I can remember the day you were born and how excited we were that you were a girl. I can remember your Dads face and how in love with you he was. I can still see a tear in Papa’s eye when he looked at you. You captivated us, you changed our lives. We went from one child to having “KIDS”.

I always loved pink but I fell head over heels for pink once I laid my eyes on you. Auntie Melissa use to tell me how I needed to put bright colors on you because you were so pale… I only wanted you to wear pink and white. I only ever wanted you to look just like a princess.

I’ve spent years wondering what it would be like when you grew up, I’ve spent years just sure that age 16 would never come and here it is. It seems impossible that you are 16, it seems impossible that you could be so old. It seems like yesterday you were perched in my lap while Kid1 was doing silly things to make you smile. It seems like yesterday that you were little and pink and could fit so easily in your Daddy’s arms.

I look at you now and am so often impressed by your ability to handle it all. I watch as you approach your days with grace and confidence. I often listen to you talk and wonder how you got so grown and so reasonable. I’m thankful for you every day, you will never know just how I feel about you.

I have been teasing you about skipping your birthday lately and although I know it’s not possible to keep you 15 forever, I wish I could in so many ways. I hope you don’t lose your sense of silliness, your eye for fun. I hope you don’t allow being older to change your heart too much. I want you to be happy, I want you to be free spirited and light hearted for as long as you can.

You are my first baby girl, my treasured friend and the light of my life. Don't change a thing little darling, you're perfectly perfect! Like Bella says "I love you 100 times in a thousand rows".... and even more....
Mom

My Dad, firsts and lasts

(can I just say my mom still has these chairs, but my Dad DOES NOT still have these pants- Thank goodness!)


When I was a little girl I use to spend hours and hours with my Dad. One of my best memories of being little was when my Dad preached at a little church in Velvet Ridge Arkansas. On Sunday mornings he would walk down the dusty dirt road to the church and go over his lesson. I almost always followed close behind. I was excited to get up early so I could be alone with my Dad. While he worked on his lesson and prepared I sat in a big ugly chair flipping through a big book of Norman Rockwell Art that sat on the wicker basket in his office. Sometimes he would practice his lesson out loud once in the actual church building from the pulpit and I would move in with him and hear his voice bouncing from the walls because no one was there but us. I cherished those Sunday mornings when it was just he and I and Norman Rockwell in that empty church. I’ll never forget those moments, those hours watching him preach and how special I felt that only I knew what he was going to preach about when everyone else got there. I felt like I was holding a sacred secret and I loved it.

I don’t remember the day I stopped going with my Dad to the church office. I wonder if one day I slept in because I was a tired teenager. I wonder if I spent the night with a friend, or if I just didn’t go one Sunday morning because I felt busy. I wonder how he felt. My Dad was always respectful of transitions in our lives, I wonder if he missed me when I stopped going or if he just always knew it wouldn’t last forever?

As my children grow and things change I often wonder when they will stop coming to me and I suppose it has already happened in some respects. I no longer kiss their boo-boo’s, I no longer tie their shoes, I no longer tuck them into bed at night. I can’t say I remember the last time I did any of those things for my oldest kids. I also don’t remember walking away from tucking them into their little beds thinking “I am just sure this is the very last time”. Where do time and memories go when they leave you? I wonder if all parents feel the same way.

We rarely struggle to remember the firsts, but what about the lasts? Maybe I should try to pay more attention to the things I’m doing, the choices I’m making? What if it’s the last time I get to do it? What if my Dad knew that when I was flipping through that Normal Rockwell book that it was going to be the very last time I ever did it? What would he have said to me?

mother of the year

Drumroll please…….

ANNNNNNNND the mother of the year award goes toooooooooooo…….

Have you seen or heard of the SAW movies? I for one think they are HORRIBLE, I saw (haha…) parts of the first one, the parts that I wasn’t covering my eyes on and I think no human should watch them. I have been pretty careful with what my kids watched their whole lives but Kid1 is almost 18 years old and I try not to give my opinion about the movies he watches now. BUT! I do not want the SAW movies in my house, I am terrified that Kid4 will pop one in and be scarred for life.

Kid1 bought the SAW 3 pack over the break and as soon as I saw (haha…) them I said “NO WAY”. He agreed to take them back and get something else. I set it in the laundry room but the cover of the movie was scaring me, so with nowhere else to put the movie I stuck it into a bag while I did the laundry. A few days later I remembered about the movies and wanted to give them to Kid1 to take back but couldn’t remember where I put the movie.

(this is where the mother of the year award comes in)

Yesterday, after a long spring break I picked the kids up from school, got everyone settled at home and sat down to check my face book and there was a message from Kid4’s darling teacher. As I read it beads of panicking sweat poured down my brow because guess what she said?
“Kid1 brought a movie to school today and she said she didn’t know how it got in her backpack. I put it back in her backpack myself and told her not to take it out again until she got home”……

I almost D.I.E.D.

In horror I wrote her very sweet teacher back telling her that I didn’t want the movies in my house and I didn’t want to see them either so I put them somewhere and then forgot where I put them…. OBVIOUSLY I had shoved them into Kid4’s backpack feeling like I would take them out later that day…

ANY-HOO……. Mother of the year! That’s ME!

how to make 25 lunches for 5 kids

you start off with 20 empty brown bags and add names.

Then you pick a drink, a fruit, a bag of chips, some nuts, crackers, dessert...


and you stuff those bags full.

you put them on trays and hide them away in the laundry room where you add a fresh sandwich in the morning, some yogurt, cottage cheese, string cheese or a parfait.

VIOLA

home made lunches for 5

(keep in mind this does not include kid4, she eats mostly fresh stuff so I make hers in the morning)

25 lunches a week mostly done in one day makes my life easier.

Happy Easter a day late

Happy Easter friends.

We hope you had a colorful day.

pedal to the metal

How did my little boy go from this...

To this...

I'm certainly NOT complaining! I'm just saying.... how did he go from toddling around the house, being terrified of kindergarten, putting his shoes on the wrong feet to falling head over heels for the sweetest girl in the world? When did he grow up? It's like I was on vacation and missed it all. Some days I just want to kick and scream until the hands of time promise to turn back so I can watch him grow up all over again. (well maybe skipping jr high... because well duh.... jr. high kids don't even like themselves)

EXHAUSTION and ALIVE again...

Are you ever so tired and weary that you feel like you can't take another step, another look at the world, another breath? I get tired as a mom, I think all moms do. Sometimes I feel like I can't take another step towards anything, not my kitchen, not my laundry room, not my bed, nothing. Somedays when a different kid is sick everyday all week and I never have a moment alone I feel like I want to jump into my car and drive until the road ends.

something magical happens those tired, breathless days. Teenagers. You know the same teenagers who are wearing me out? Yeah... those kids, take me to lunch, do something special for me or give me a hug that fills me with energy again. Just when I think I can't take another step one of my many kids smile at me and ask if I'm okay or if they can do anything for me.

I walk again, I breath again, I sleep again, Im me again.

Those darn kids.... they're tricky and lovable like that!

cabbage patch dolls, the 80's and my dear friend Julie

I did something I have always wanted to do for my birthday. I went to Baby Land general hospital and saw where Cabbage Patch dolls are “born” it was wonderful. I’ve wanted to go since I was a little girl and when I found out I lived only 3 hours away, I HAD to do it!

The hospital has recently been moved to a HUGE building that resembles a southern mansion- it’s really unbelievable. I loved the display cases showing the very first cabbage patch dolls and how they progressed and changed throughout the years.

I’ve been a Cabbage Patch fan for years and years! When I walked into that place I instantly missed my best friend Julie. Julie and I spent hours and hours playing with our Cabbage Patch dolls and in fact I have a corn silk Cabby who’s name IS Julie! I can’t count the times we packed our dolls up and walked all over town with them in strollers, the times we had sleep overs and made them all little beds. We spent countless hours combing their hair and changing their clothes. We loved our dolls and each other. I still have mine and I guarantee you she still has hers!

The minute I walked into that hospital it was like I was back in Julie’s room and it was the 80’s again. I loved Julie’s room, it was so cool. She had every kind of earring, she had a million little collections and her room was really always clean, mine was not!

Jules I miss and love you dearly! (and our dolls, and carefree times, and your room, and your mom, and your cool black and red bathroom, and Penny and Lakeview ….. need I go on?)

please escuse the cheesy grin and stupid pose... Im an idiot when it comes to Cabbage Patch dolls!

yeah.... I never said he was a normal kid!

Do you ever wonder what your kids are learning at school? Do you ever ask yourself why you send them daily?I use to think that they went to school to learn, then I realized that sometimes it's not learning at all. So much of school is learning how to be social, how to cope with kids and adults from all walks of life. It's how to learn to get along with others and draw bounderies. They do learn along the way though...... or so I thought they did.

This is Kid1 in culinary arts. Not really sure sure what he's learning in this class ... honestly!