wordy thoughts...

Sometimes I think I’ll absolutely die without him… I know I know... I always say the sheets, the vacuuming, and the reading to kids…. But its so much more and I don’t even have the words…

Sad

Lonely

Isolated

Unwanted

Unloved

Friendless

All I want to be is mad... mad that he is leaving. Will I be okay?

Safe

Secure

Shielded

Protected

??

Sure I will be. I WILL MAKE SURE I AM. I will lock my own doors, I will lock my own car, I will put myself to bed, turn out the lights and make sure my house is out of harms way…

I’ll be

Prudent

Attentive

Conservative

And secure.

But I won’t be unscathed, I won’t be unharmed, I won’t be protected by him. He’s always protected me… I’ll be alone in a way. (Minus lots of kids- thank GOD)

And the shocking news is that my son, my baby, the other only man whom I truly trust is also leaving. Im thinking….

Gut wrenching

Horrific

And

Distressing

to me.

There is not one single thing I can do about it. Any of it… I can’t change it, not one minute, not one day, not one thing. They are leaving me and I’m going to have to be independent.

Self-governing

Sovereign

And privatized….

And I’m not really all that good at it.

I’ll make it, I know that I will.

BUT

I

DON’T

WANT

TO

(Whining DOES help … right?)