Tuesday, October 4, 2011

pick me! pick me! pick me! pick me! pick me! :(

Have you ever felt like this before?

Have you ever felt like every word you were saying no matter what it actually was, was coming out "PICK ME, PICK ME"? Have you ever felt so desperate to be chosen that you felt like your heart was literally reaching out of your chest towards another human being and grasping desperately towards their heart but just out of reach? Have you ever felt yourself begging but you couldn't stop because it was actually your heart and not your head?

I have found myself begging lately, begging for things I wouldn't in a million years believe I would be begging for. I have found myself begging my children to be forgiving, to look into someones heart with compassion instead of judgment. I find myself begging MYSELF to be stronger than any woman should have to be and to stand taller than I am. I find myself begging my boys to be men when they should be allowed to be boys. I find myself begging God for more peace than should be allowed one person. I find myself begging MYSELF to let go while still holding on to all my shattered dreams. I find myself promising my daughters a future I am just not sure about.

I hear myself shouting out "PICK ME, PICK ME" more than I care to admit and I hate it but I can't seem to find the strength to stop even though I know I sound pathetic.

When you hear your own voice shouting "PICK ME, PICK ME" maybe you can give yourself a break and remind your heart that you have already been picked. You might not be picked by someone on this earth but God picked you. Maybe you when your desperate and you can't stop yourself from begging, maybe when your heart is reaching for anothers heart and they won't reach back you can remind yourself that God has already reached out to you. He promises to protect your heart especially when you're hurting and dying inside.


Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


wabisabigirl said...

I love you sister!!

Ashley said...

Thank you Steph! I love you too.