Sunday, September 25, 2011

famous last words...

What if this were the last moment you ever had with her, the last time you could speak to her, write to her, hug her, hold her? What would YOU say? Would you take that time for granted? A selfish man would… a selfish man take it all for granted, confident it would always be there when he's ready. What if you treated your children like every moment WAS the last moment? What if you spoke to them with great care, listened like you were hanging on every word and couldn't wait for next minute you could spend with him/ her? Can you imagine emailing your kids on your spare time, writing them little notes, letting them know you love them? Can you imagine the impact it would have on their self esteems, their lives? Taking time for granted is inexcusable to me. You'll have all the time in the world when your kids are gone, when your asleep, when they are in bed and when your at work…

"I'll probably always want some time to myself…"

Don't you hear parents say the words "time to myself" SO OFTEN and giggle to yourself because you know that once you have children the "time to yourself" changes in so many wild and wonderful ways. I think it's different for moms and dads but there is certainly always a part of us that enjoys a little "time" to ourselves every so often.

Time for me changed when I had kids but time has changed maybe thousands of times since my kids have grown up. When they were tiny I just wanted a minute to myself to breathe, maybe take a nap but a neighbor of mine lost her baby boy in a car accident, she watched him bleed to death in her rear view mirror and could do nothing to save him. Time changed for me then, I was less selfish with my time and happier to be up at night nursing my Kid3 who was the same age as that precious little baby boy she would never see again. Somehow I didn't feel quite so tired. As my children grew I craved quiet and wished I could have a little time to myself without their voices and my nephew was hit by a car while crossing a highway and now we'll never hear his voice again. Time changed for me then and I was more thankful to hear the chatter of my adolescent childrens voices even when they were bickering at each other, at least I had them to listen to while my brother listened to silence. As they grew even older and they have become teenagers I have begged for a moment of "time to myself" just so I could have some quiet in my head and when I knelt that day over my Kid2 after she had been in a terrible car accident I thanked God that I wasn't getting the "time to myself" that I had so adamantly begged for. As I watched her being strapped to the gurney and wheeled into an ambulance that day while not knowing the extent of her injuries I found myself begging God for more time to hear her voice chattering on and on and "TIME TO MYSELF" seemed to come into perspective once again.

"I'll probably always want some time to myself" ~ famous last words of a selfish man

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