Monday, May 24, 2010

letting go

Have you ever cried and cried and cried and cried? Have you ever started crying and began to worry that you may never stop? Have you ever cried over one thing and everything all at once?

This weekend I crossed a bridge in my life and I cried for 7 hours. I literally thought I might never stop. I cried for 100 different reasons and some of them I can’t share.

I cried because my children have grown old and I can’t help them anymore like I use to. I cried because my life just didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. I cried because I’m afraid to be alone one day. I cried because I have no control over my children’s hurts and decisions anymore. I cried because as they are learning hard lessons I have to let them fall and pick themselves up alone. I cried because I have had to let something go that I didn’t want to let go. I cried because even though something may be best for me, if it’s not best for my children I simply cannot do it. I cried because my heart is broken and I have no control over it anymore.

I cried and cried and cried.

And now I have to choose to stand up, dry up and walk forward and I will, just like I always do.

The moral of this story?

Life is stifling sometimes and I guess a good cleansing cry does a person good. I'm not fixed, but I will go on. Doing the right thing for my children is all I can live with, it's how I live with myself, it's how I sleep at night. It's also hard and hurts.

Dear me,
You'll make it.
I promise.


Brandi said...

Ash, I don't like to hear about friends being sad. I hope you're ok.

Let's see, I cried Saturday because my stupid pink laptop got a virus... poor Scott didn't know what to do with me. The computer was only part of it, though. Sometimes stuff just piles up on you.

If you need to talk, shoot me an email. Hope things are better. :)

wabisabigirl said...

Ashley, I'm sorry for whatever you're going through right now. Praying God gives you the strength and wisdom to deal with it in the best way you can. Love you!

Erin said...

Hang in there, Ashley! Life's journey can be tough.