Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Happy Birthday to the one who turned my life rosy posy pink

Nineteen years ago I was laying in a hospital bed in writhing pain having natural child birth, and working so hard to see a healthy little tiny baby…. just baby. We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl and we didn't care, or so we thought.

I worked and worked…I cried and pushed and just when I had had enough, there she was, my daughter. We hadn't cared at all what sex the baby was until she was born. We both sobbed and couldn't believe our eyes, a little girl.

All of a sudden our world turned pink and flowery. All of a sudden I looked around and the world became a dangerous place. All of a sudden every stranger looked like a child molester to me and I couldn't keep her safe enough, close enough, protected enough from the world.

I've spent the better part of 19 years watching her grow, following her when she didn't know it, just so she would be safe. I have watched her from the window of my house, my car and every place in between. I have fallen to my knees praying for God to keep her safe and unharmed. I have paced my floors and my feet raw with worry about this little tiny girl, who incidentally still looks like a tiny girl to me, I don't care how old she looks to anyone else. I have made right choices and wrong choices, I have cursed and cried out for guidance because raising a daughter is hard work.

I have watched this little girl grow, tried to surround her with loving people who would show her a safer path and still the world feels scary to me for her. Every year she gets closer to understanding the heart strings between a mother and a daughter, but as she grows, every single day she loses a little bit of her childhood and gains a little more of her adulthood.

How will I show her that God has a plan for her? How will I give her the strength to look up and not down as she enters these hard years ahead?

All I can say Kid2 is "Be still and know", listen to your mother, she's smarter than you think and when it all comes right down to it, she has YOUR best interest at heart. After all she is the one who has fought tooth and nail for you your whole life.

Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know. Be still. Be.

Happy Birthday LITTLE girl. I love you so much more than I could ever express, more than you'll ever fathom and more than there are stars in the sky.

Slow down and breath. Slow down and Be.

-Your momma

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