In just a few short hours I would be a mother of five. A mother again…. A mother to a baby I didn’t carry. In a few short hours I would be holding the most wonderful gift anyone could offer, my own darling baby girl, but not my own darling baby girl yet. This is the miracle of adoption, loving a baby in someone else’s tummy and wanting more than anything the same things you would want for a birth child. The agony of adoption is watching your very own little bundle of joy say goodbye to her birth mother, the one who carried her for a whole nine months forever. Adoption for me was both a complete glowing unselfish utterly amazing gift and a hurtful torturing tear to my heart strings.
I can’t write her birth story from my perspective yet, I’m just not ready. I can tell you that I watched her birth mom every moment while she labored to give life to my baby girl, I can tell you that I was in pure agony for her as she hurt inside and out. I can tell you that my heart broke in half for her birth mother because it was something I truly could not imagine. I can also tell you that watching her sweet birth momma give her life and chose a better life for her by choosing me took my breath away. I can tell you that I love them both and will never forget a minute of my beautiful Kid5’s birth and her gorgeous and brave birth mother.
Today, this very day a whole year ago my perfect last little bundle of girl was born. It was 10:05 and my world would never be the same. I held her first, I kissed her first, but I didn’t love her first. Her birth mom loved her first. She loved her enough to carry her for me until she could be safely in my arms.
I can’t put into words how I love her birth mom, I can’t put into words the whole experience, but I will one day, I promise.
Happy Birthday sweet baby girl. You changed our lives the minute you entered this world. I think someone could say that a 5th child is not as exciting as a first but to me you were just as exciting as my first baby. Your very first second in this world was not consumed with birth and pain and Dr’s. Your very first second in this world was just you and I. I felt so honored to be your mommy, I felt so special to have been chosen to raise you. You have brought nothing but pure joy and laughter when we needed it most. You are such an amazing blessing my sweet baby. I am truly honored to call you mine, to have been chosen to be yours and to love you for the rest of my life.