Friday, August 5, 2011

HaPpY bIrThDaY young-old man!

Often my children bring me to my knees. Sometimes in an amazing way and sometimes I'm brought to my knees in horror, if you have children, you know this feeling well. Nineteen years ago today at 6:15 in the morning I was truly brought to my knees when my first son, my first love, the one who would teach me to be a mother was born.

That very minute, 6:15 am I couldn't have known just how profound he would be, the things he would teach me, the deep conversations we would have about life, love and God. That very hour that early morning hour I could have never guessed that he would lead me through the most beautiful and meaningful times of my life.

As I watched the nurses bathe him and wipe him clean his big blue eyes opened and shut staring wide at me. I had no idea that this little boy would be my strength, literally my breath through some of the hardest times of my life.

My oldest son is a big brother to MANY, a cherished friend to tons, but most of all he's my boy, my NINETEEN year OLD baby boy who I adore even though I don't tell him enough, even though I often parent him through sheer fear and make mistakes every single day because every day of his life I have fumbled through trying to make the best choices possible, begging God to show me whats right for him.

Happy Birthday Kid ONE, I ADORE you my boy, theres just no way I could ever tell you enough, I know we've had such a hard time lately, I hope I'm making the right choices for you. I'm on my knees son praying that I'm doing the right things. I love you so much, I want the best for you. YOU are my first child, you and I taught each other so much. I feel so blessed that God chose you for me.

I love you my boy. Happy nineteenth birthday.

Love, Mom

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