Tuesday, July 19, 2011

sometimes raising kids feels like building your foundation on sand. Did you ever sing that song in church? "The wise man built his house upon a rock… the foolish man built his house upon the sand…."

Somedays, some nights I feel like I built my foundation on sand. Do you ever just feel like your crumbling apart? Do you ever just feel like things, your house, your kids, your life is just slowly slipping away and like a sand through an hour glass and there isn't a single thing you can do about it?

Are your kids ever just so disrespectful that it shocks you? Do they ever speak to you so disrespectfully that it takes your breath away and makes you want to cry inside? Are there ever times when you can't believe those little sweet baby mouths could speak to you with such disrespect? Is it shocking? Is it sad? Does it bring you to your knees? Kids can leave you speechless can't they?

Does life ever take it all from you some days? Leave you spinning inside? Leave you wondering how tomorrow could be any worse? Does life ever leave you breathless, lifeless, limp? Does a hard day leave you feeling exhausted and worthless sometimes? It does me. Sometimes I think I can't take another night, another step, another breathe. Life can sock you in the gut sometimes.

As that sand runs out, as those kids wear you down, as life takes your last breath what do you do to survive? Do you pray? Do you take a walk? Do you meditate? Do you take a minute to breath?

Tonight one of my kids took the very last breath I had and disrespected me. She hurt for the last time today. She made me feel stupid and worthless. She hurt my heart and embarrassed me. I couldn't tell her because these aren't things you tell kids. Sometimes she makes me feel like stupidest person in the world, not worth talking to, not worth respecting. She is very hard to respect as she doesn't like to give respect. She forgets I am also just a human, a woman, a soft hearted mother. She often hurts my feelings and goes on like it's nothing. She's been hard to raise but strong and wonderful too. Theres no way for her to know my adoration for her. Theres no way for her to know how I would die for her. There no way for her to know how I preserve her pride by backing down instead of embarrassing her like I probably should. Theres no way for her to understand that I give her respect even though she doesn't deserve it. She's a very stubborn girl, I like her that way. I raised her that way.

I have to remind myself that a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing…. say it with me…. strong girl good thing. strong girl good thing…. strong girl good thing…….

your welcome to pray for me anyway... or take her off my hands…. ;)

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