chaos

My life feels a little chaotic right now.

Does this ever happen to you?

Im trying to breathe and remember that this too shall pass.

Im trying to buckle down and remember whats important.

Im trying to hold on to my babies.

I've asked so many around me to be patient with me while I keep my head above water.

Life can be such a struggle …

The graduate, a fantasy and one dream at a time...

You think it will be easy… the kid is born, you feed him, you diaper him, you play with him, you send him to school and VILOA one day he graduates and goes off to college… RIGHT?

WRONG!

That’s right! I’m telling you THIS MINUTE that all those car commercials are DEAD WRONG! Will some of your kids do that? Yes, yes… I’m sure some of you lucky parents out there will have some kids that will zip along through life and just be easy as pie. They will give you no grief and just skip along through school, drive off safely to college and THANK GOD for you because THIS IS NOT what has happened in our house.

Kid1 has not skated though much in his life. If I would have known that his first of day of kinder would be indicative of every single day of school until graduation I probably would have bought a house boat and moved to Fiji! I would have never guessed that the begging and crying would turn into begging and crying all through elementary, faking sick through junior high and then skipping in high school… :/

Onto the graduation-

He graduated. Kid1 walked across the stage that night with his graduation cap and gown on, not only did I feel like the blood left my body with an overcoming sense of relief I also felt overwhelmed with so many emotions.

He did it.

I did it.

We did it.

His father missed it.

I felt like he and I were the only two people in that big room that night.

How did this baby my first baby grow up so fast?

It seemed like yesterday that I was holding him on the steps of kindergarten while he sobbed and begged not to go. It seemed like yesterday that I was promising him that he would be okay if he just gave it a chance. It seemed like yesterday he was just a little tiny thing. How could he have grown so big? How was he on the verge of being a man?

I stood there almost afraid to blink, almost afraid to move fearing that if I did this would either all be a dream and all that we had worked so hard for would be untrue or he would be standing before me as a 30 year old man with a family…

My baby, My son, you made me a mother and I have said this to you so many times, I love you like crazy. There is no way to describe how it feels to see your first baby for the first time. I was so young, I was so scared but so calm. My son, you and I have something that is rare. You and I understand one another on a very deep level. I pray for you daily and want so badly for you to live life to the fullest and learn the valuable lessons that life has to offer you. I love you, I’m proud of you. Congratulations on quite an accomplishment. You are certainly ONE OF A KIND!

I love you,

Mom

even dogs...

Kid4 used stickers to tape this flag to our porch this weekend and when we asked her why she had put it there she responded:

"Because EVEN DOGS should worship America!"

We laughed because she always says the most profound things. I laughed, I smiled, I chuckled and I walked away and hoped that flag would stay there for a very long time because it meant something more to me than just a flag, a little girl and her dog, knowing though that someday it would fall. It spoke to me differently. She is right, everyone needs something, someone to adore. Now I doubt that our dog Max will worship, adore or admire this simple flag or even realize that he lives in a free country but so far every time that I have walked on to the porch I have teared up with pride and a little sadness knowing that I live in a free country, knowing that my husband is fighting for a free country and knowing that some things that I adore and admire I will gain and lose through no control of my own but I think thats all part of being truly free.

Freedom isn't free.

Little girls thoughts ARE free.

Love isn't free.

Welcome to the world baby girl

Kid5 was born May 15th at 10am and we were instantly in LOVE.

Of course we have a lovely and long adoption story and I will share parts of it but for now I just want to share her beauty and how we adore her.

The big kids are completely over the moon for her. They rush to her side if she fusses, the girls are dying for her to wake up in the morning. Kid4 feels like she has D.I.E.D. and gone to heaven having a baby sister.

Kid5 is a cuddly, lovely, blue eyed beauty. We feel like the luckiest family in the world. We are blessed beyond belief to have been given the gift of this beautiful baby girl to raise, nurture and adore forever and ever.

Welcome to OUR world baby girl.

what have I been up too?

I'm not really sure I can list all the things that I have done this summer but I sure as heck will try to tell you. I can promise you that we had a fun and SERIOUSLY interesting summer. I can also promise you that you WILL NOT believe our adventures, our stories and the memories we made. I should probably start with the fact that we adopted kid 5 in May before summer even started…

ARE. YOU. SHOCKED. ???

We are so excited.

Her story will follow shortly…

Adoption, travels to Louisiana, growing up boys, moving out kids, tales of swimming, fishing, crabbing, and bad car accidents… this summer was an adventure with tales to tell, experiences to share… laughs, cries and probably some yawns. I'll try to catch you up on our world over the next few weeks.

I've missed blogging thats for sure! :)

HaPpY bIrThDaY young-old man!

Often my children bring me to my knees. Sometimes in an amazing way and sometimes I'm brought to my knees in horror, if you have children, you know this feeling well. Nineteen years ago today at 6:15 in the morning I was truly brought to my knees when my first son, my first love, the one who would teach me to be a mother was born.

That very minute, 6:15 am I couldn't have known just how profound he would be, the things he would teach me, the deep conversations we would have about life, love and God. That very hour that early morning hour I could have never guessed that he would lead me through the most beautiful and meaningful times of my life.

As I watched the nurses bathe him and wipe him clean his big blue eyes opened and shut staring wide at me. I had no idea that this little boy would be my strength, literally my breath through some of the hardest times of my life.

My oldest son is a big brother to MANY, a cherished friend to tons, but most of all he's my boy, my NINETEEN year OLD baby boy who I adore even though I don't tell him enough, even though I often parent him through sheer fear and make mistakes every single day because every day of his life I have fumbled through trying to make the best choices possible, begging God to show me whats right for him.

Happy Birthday Kid ONE, I ADORE you my boy, theres just no way I could ever tell you enough, I know we've had such a hard time lately, I hope I'm making the right choices for you. I'm on my knees son praying that I'm doing the right things. I love you so much, I want the best for you. YOU are my first child, you and I taught each other so much. I feel so blessed that God chose you for me.

I love you my boy. Happy nineteenth birthday.

Love, Mom