Be still… (for L)

I was going crazy last year. I thought I had all the knowledge in the world, I thought I had it all figured out. Last year my world came crashing down via my own hands, heart and soul. I reached and begged for advice from anyone who would listen and I received the most amazing advice over and over. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I turned and ran another direction because I was so scared. Sometimes I ran towards great advice. My whole world rested in a low valley and it was a hard pill to swallow. I was in love with ideas and my mind was in the clouds. I have come to the brilliant resolution that I know N.O.T.H.I.N.G. And you know what? Im okay with it. I don't want all the answers.

I reached out to someone very dear to me and she told me to "BE STILL". At first this made no sense to me… Be still? How could I "be still" when my life was whirling away? I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop begging, moving, running, doing, searching, crying… and all of a sudden, I was still. I stopped looking, I stopped searching, I stopped running, I stopped asking and I closed my eyes. I remember the moment. I was standing in the shower, I closed my eyes and I was still. I stood there and let the warm water run over me and I was still. I stood there, just me and for the first time in so long I had a wave of peace over me. I let my tears fall, I let my hurts go, I let the promises that I couldn't keep wash down the drain… I was still.

I don't have any advice, I don't have any ideas, I don't know whats best for anyone but I know that if you'll "BE STILL", there is peace. It's peace like a river, peace like leaves whistling through the trees on a cool quiet day. There is peace inside of you, I can promise you this.

I work to "BE STILL" on a daily basis. I'm not always successful. One day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time I remind myself to "BE STILL".

Psalms 46:10

The Halloween fairy and secrets...

Hello candy lovers, can we all agree that as adults we're excited to see our kids get LOADS of candy on Halloween mostly because we are going to sneak into their buckets and eat it ourselves? I love candy, Im not going to lie to you… Hi, Im Ashley and I steal my kids Halloween candy.

While raising Kids 1, 2 and 3 my policy was as follows-

1. dress up
2. knock on doors, get free candy
3. eat whatever you can stomach while trick-or-treating
4. the following day after school eat until your sick
5. the end

Now that I am raising a little girl with a sensitive stomach I can see why lots of parents only allow their babies to eat a certain amount per day. Kid4 is in love with candy like I am and she WILL eat till she's sick, like REALLY sick.

In comes the Halloween fairy. This is a WIN WIN for all of us. Kid4 choses 10 pieces of candy and she leaves the rest out for the Halloween fairy. When she wakes up, the fairy has left her a toy that she really wanted in exchange for her candy.

FAQ

Does she voluntarily do this?
Yes and no. She asks if she can keep her candy. She often says no thanks, she'd rather have the candy. I say no and in the morning she is THRILLED with her new toy. It works every time and we're both happy.

The moral of the story? I get her candy. 

THE END

Halloween 2012

 My wonderful witch!

My ravishing darling candy collectors! 

My lovely ladybug!

My Beauties had a fun Halloween. 

How was yours? 

H

Today I was looking into the big beautiful blue eyes of my Kid5 and thinking how my dear friend H. would have loved her so much. Kid5 is spunky, funny and full of life. H. helped me so much when I had Kid1, he was challenging to get to sleep and she taught me to rub his little face and every so often rub over an eye and eventually those little eyes will stay closed. She was so gentle with her babies and I loved that about her. When I was at wits end wondering how to get my baby to sleep she gently taught me to be soft and kind. She was soft and kind in everything she did. She never spoke to me harshly, she was truly my friend and truly wanted me to be safe and happy. I loved her and her death shook me like I had never been shaken before. Kid5 is named after her and today when I was leaned over her crib gently rubbing her face I couldn't help but to think of how H. would have loved her and how gently she would have rocked her in her arms. It's been so many years since H. has been gone that I don't think of her as often as I used to, but it's days like these that I miss her deeply. 

Rest in Peace my H. you will never be forgotten. 

It's a hard knock life

Ha Ha Ha!

I LOVE THIS!

my sugar

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

THATS what little girls are made of.

my angel

James 1:17 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change

Hey there Abe, can I get your address …

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

A few weeks ago Kid4 and I learned all about the Civil War… How fascinating! Im just in total Awe at the history of the United States! What a country we live in! 

love you forever

Love you forever

"...A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be…"

Have you read this book? I use to read this book to Kid1 all the time. It was given to me at his baby shower, TWENTY long and short years ago. When he was little I thought "how could I ever not like him?" As he grew, I soon realized that it is EASY to dislike the choices that a child makes, but also EASY to always love the child. I LOVE this child, he IS my baby. I haven't always liked his choices but I have always LOVED him. 

It's a good book. I highly suggest it.