Gone

Here I am, its been awhile but I had to write to you. Even though I now you won't respond, at least I can feel you reading my words.

He's gone.

Gone adjective-
no longer present, departed.

He is no longer present and there is no future with him. Not a way to say hello, not a single second with him again and I can't breath. I held up pretty well with my parents, with his friends, with myself for a little while. That ended today, I literally hurt with sadness. How do I even know how to grieve for him? How will I be able to function for so many years without someone I've had my whole life?

Today I ACHE to my very core for my brother, not because I miss him, but because he's GONE- theres no future and thats a hard pill to swallow.

Death is final

I don't want to grieve, I just want to be ok and Im not able to control it. Im not ok.

I can't think, I can't write, I can't function today.