I love this...

Have you ever had a true north....? 

words, words the magical fruit, the more you eat the more ya...

words can rarely be expressed properly. One person says one thing and the other person hears something completely different. My ears rarely hear the right things, I am often mistaken, often confused and hurt by words. There are many things in this world that I simply don't understand... humans are most of those things. I just want to be happy, I want to enjoy life and know that the ones I love are happy to... but it's not my job to make sure they're happy... thats one of the most horrible things about growing up... you have to set strong boundaries where you have never set them before and it's painful on both sides. I mostly fail when it comes to communication, I assume... and we all know what that does. I don't want to put others out so I don't communicate properly... I over communicate which mostly makes people want to blow their heads off, or so it seems. I am silent when silence isn't necessary. My communication style is all messed up and jumbled in my head. Usually what my brain has told me to say is not what comes out of my mouth. What comes out of my mouth is pure emotion or pure fact. Neither one is an affective way to get across what I thought was my point but then what in reality is probably just an idea jumping around in my head... do I sound wishy washy? Don't worry, it's not you, it's me. Or at least I think it's me... ah heck talk to me, say anything... you'll feel super smart I promise! 

a rare love...

I heard a story once long ago that has stuck with me, changed me, put music in my heart and head. It was a story of pure love, the rare kind, the kind that comes to only a few people in this life. This love took place in a low unusual ground, the kind of place that people fall in love often. It was a romantic unlikely union and one that although powerful would not last long. The story was told to me by a tender hearted woman who confessed that it was the most commanding passion she had ever known. When I asked her why it didn't last she expressed to me as best as she could the depth of it all, and that it had been too much for her. She knew a love like this could never last, it was too perfect, beyond supreme, like a pure superb embrace that can only last a breath...

I think of this story often, when Im alone, when Im driving, before bed. What a feeling unmatched love can be. Her story remind me of a couple of sayings:

"There is love of course. And then there's life. it's enemy" -Jean Anouilh

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson

The love still remains, it burns deep inside of her everyday she is routinely aware of the searing burn in her heart for her one true love, but she lives on. She moves forward. Step by step, day by day, she survives because she knows that what she had was real unmatched love never again to be had, but always to be cherished and locked deeply in her heart.