Monday, December 3, 2012

Thankful (kid2)

There is no way to put my emotions into words over my first little precious baby girl. Right now is an emotional time between her and I. She has flown the coop… moved on… and as a mother I had no idea how hard that would be. I had dreams of her growing up, going off to college, visiting her… I knew I'd miss her but I had no idea how much.

With Kid1, I wanted a girl so bad I could barely stand it. When I got pregnant with Kid2, Mr. Be and I decided to not find out her gender. We were SO patient, I would never be able to do it now. I was scared, I had decided that I only knew how to raise boys and I was sure that I was totally unprepared for a girl.

I WAS RIGHT. I don't think there is a way to prepare for a daughter. Yes, yes, we had the pink nightgowns, rosy blankets and clothes out the wazoo, but it turns out that raising a daughter is WAY more than looking cute and combing long golden locks.

Just about every decision I've made since having a daughter, I have wondered how it would affect her. How will it affect her if I wear makeup every single day? Will she feel like God didn't make me pretty enough? What about my weight (which I am terrible at), if I complain about my weight every single day and still do nothing (which I do) will she mirror my failing body image? What about words? Will I use the wrong words at everything I say and will she use them as she grows? What about advice? Will I be able to advise her properly? The answer to all of the above questions is no. I now know that I will guide her in all the wrong ways, say things I shouldn't and she will repeat them, feel fat and pass it on and give her a love of all things makeup.

I don't think there is a proper way to prepare for having a daughter but I do know this. Be still. Be still and listen to God, he will guide you and if you will be still enough to listen you will do a far better job that I could ever dream of. I wasn't still enough to listen.

I can't imagine a day without her, she is my rock, my friend, my beautiful first daughter. I wouldn't change a single thing about her, as she grows and learns that all my advice is bunk she'll turn out great!

Be still and be thankful.

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