Happy Anniversary to US! 19 years and counting...

Dear Mr. B.

My lifetime, long time and forever and ever partner Happy Anniversary to you. I often look back at our life and how we started so young and can’t believe we’re here… at this stage of our lives. I often look at our kids and can’t believe they are almost grown. Can you believe that time flew by this quickly?

I have always felt lucky to have you. It’s very hard to put nineteen years into words, to write on paper the things that we have witnessed, been through, loved and lost together… Its very hard for me to describe my love for you, a forever kind of love, a love we worked for and appreciate.

I love you Mr. B. I love you for the hard worker that you are, for the man that you have grown to be, for the father that you are to our children and to our children’s friends. I love you for loving me despite my many flaws and millions of quirks. I love you for being you, for being honest and for loving me back.

Thank you for nineteen years, for the best memories a woman could ask for and thank you in advance for a lifetime well spent on a good man.

I’ll always love you,

Mr. B.’s wife

wordy thoughts...

Sometimes I think I’ll absolutely die without him… I know I know... I always say the sheets, the vacuuming, and the reading to kids…. But its so much more and I don’t even have the words…

Sad

Lonely

Isolated

Unwanted

Unloved

Friendless

All I want to be is mad... mad that he is leaving. Will I be okay?

Safe

Secure

Shielded

Protected

??

Sure I will be. I WILL MAKE SURE I AM. I will lock my own doors, I will lock my own car, I will put myself to bed, turn out the lights and make sure my house is out of harms way…

I’ll be

Prudent

Attentive

Conservative

And secure.

But I won’t be unscathed, I won’t be unharmed, I won’t be protected by him. He’s always protected me… I’ll be alone in a way. (Minus lots of kids- thank GOD)

And the shocking news is that my son, my baby, the other only man whom I truly trust is also leaving. Im thinking….

Gut wrenching

Horrific

And

Distressing

to me.

There is not one single thing I can do about it. Any of it… I can’t change it, not one minute, not one day, not one thing. They are leaving me and I’m going to have to be independent.

Self-governing

Sovereign

And privatized….

And I’m not really all that good at it.

I’ll make it, I know that I will.

BUT

I

DON’T

WANT

TO

(Whining DOES help … right?)

a relatively bad day

I had one of those days that would probably be best if it just ended…it’s not that my day was terrible… my days are never terrible. I think a bad day is relative thing. A bad day to me and a bad day to you could be very different.

All day my heart sank when I thought of Mr. B. leaving. So far it’s the little things that I am freaking out about… maybe it’s all 300,000 of the little things? WHO is going to put the sheets on the beds? (I DID tell you that Mr. B. was the official sheet putter on-er….. right?) Who is going to clean the kitchen after dinner? Who is going to read book after book to Kid4? Who is going to take care of the kids’ million questions when I have had enough at the end of the day? Who is going to put their foot down about grades, talking back and messy rooms? Who is going to point out that I need new tires? Who will mow the lawn? And 299,992 things?

I do realize this could be worse… I have some VERY EXCITING things to look forward to while Mr. B. is gone, you will be SO surprised when I tell you the things I have to look forward too. (or maybe you won’t be…. Who knows!)

Wish me luck as I dive into the endeavor and more importantly please keep Mr. B, in your thoughts as he defends our country for a year and misses some VERY big milestones!

Honey, I already can’t wait for you to get back and your not even gone yet!

my view

my view.

my view has been the same (for the most part) for the last twenty years.

I like it this way.

I like waking up every morning (almost every morning) with Mr. B.

He's been gone this weekend and I miss him.

I'm not a good single parent.

I'm not good at taking the dog out alone.

I'm better when I wake up to these guys.

1-100, 1-50, 50-100 but better yet 25-75

I was trying to explain something to Mr. B yesterday and as I was going along chatting away I thought I had a really great analogy….

I was trying to explain how he goes too far one way and I go too far the other and we’re not meeting in the middle enough. My analogy went like this-

We NEVER meet in the middle and this is a big problem for us. It’s like you are 1-50 and I’m 50-100, 1-50 being from very conservative to not so conservative and 50-100 being from not so liberal to very liberal. As parents we should be making decisions mostly in the 25 to 75 ranges. Instead you say 1-10, I say 90-100 and it’s simply not working.

This has been a problem for a very long time and I think it’s my own fault. He tends to lean towards NO so I feel like I have to say YES. If we would have answered in the 25-75 ranges, we may have evened out more…. But here we are he’s going one way and I’m going another

Mr. B. and I have said to many people that one of the most important things in a child’s life is consistency. BE CONSISTANT we always say, but it’s easier said than done. We know it’s best, but we struggle to do it. He wants to say no and I want to say yes but the truth is he doesn’t really want to say no and I don’t really want to say yes, we want to do the right thing and neither one of us know if it’s no or yes so we just say our normal reply because it’s easiest and takes less thought.

We’re parenting out of fear. Lets face it parenting is terrifying. We are scared to death that we’re going to make a mistake. I say yes because I am afraid I’ll shelter them too much and they will go wild when they leave home. He says no because then he doesn’t have to be responsible for the outcome. We’re both too scared to step back and take another look before we answer.

This parenting thing is a real trick and I wish I knew the answer. Is it yes, or is it no?

P.S. turns out my analogy was a little more confusing and made more sense in my head… it was a little like THIS analogy I made about marriage.

self portraits

Bat Girl and I just got DROIDS and we are in love with them! I could seriously marry it... really, it could be the perfect stand in for a man...

but..... that's not what this post about.

I am trying to get better at self portraits... I am terrible at them. I would show you the outtakes but they are WAY to embarrassing and if pictures don't lie, aparently I look drunk often... LOL

Our “meetiversary”

Yesterday Mr. B. and I were talking about how old we are and how much time has passed us by and he reminded me that he remembers the day we met so well because we met on his birthday. I always tell this story when people ask about how we met, when and where…

I was 15 and he was turning 20 that day. He came to church because he was feeling guilty about not going, his ship was in port and my church was within walking distance. It was fate or luck or something but we met that day 19 years ago.

I was at the greeting table with my friend Theresa handing out bulletins and welcoming our guests when he walked up. I can still see him in his jeans and grey t-shirt, I can still see his smile and how charming I thought he was. As he approached the table I leaned over to Theresa and said “I’m going to marry him”. She laughed at my youngness and teased about me being a dreamer.

Mr. B. arrived at the table as I stood and handed him a bulletin and welcomed him I said “Hi I’m Ashley, so do you have a girlfriend or anything”? He smiled and laughed a little and said “I’m engaged”. I smiled even bigger because I love a challenge!

He will tell you that he was thinking how hard it was going to be to stay engaged.

We met several times like that, he would come to church and I was there waiting. We would spend more and more time talking. In my Bible I still have his last name on a piece of paper that I wrote so I wouldn’t forget it.

A few days after we met, I turned 16 and felt so much older and wiser, I planned dates for us and broke up with my boyfriend- yes I had a boyfriend. Mr. B. was out to sea a lot when we first started seeing each other. I would wait all week for him to be there on Sunday or Wednesday not sure if his ship was out to sea or not. One Monday night I called Mike and broke up with him knowing that my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Little did I know he had called Alicia that very same Monday and broken up with her telling her how he just wasn’t ready to settle down. That Wednesday night at church we told each other that we were single and free and the rest is history…

So now you understand our “meetiversary”.

That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.

I love you Mr. B- thanks for this life, thanks for being you and thanks for the “meetiversary”, without it we wouldn’t be here together today!

GUESS WHAT?

Mr. B. and I went to his company Christmas party tonight.

and...

I won this beauty!

I have never won anything before!

I am so excited!

I've wanted this mixer my whole life.

(I may or may not have been born wanting this)

I love it!

YAY ME!

I *heart* Mr. B and me (trip)

Once upon a time long long ago, a boy met a girl and they instantly fell in love. Their eyes met and the rest is history.

History goes a little like this: we were too poor to get married but we did. Too poor to have children so we had 4 and too poor to eat out and love life so we lived it up every chance we got. Nearly 18 years later, we are still living life and enjoying each other and our children daily.

Have we had our ups and downs? Absolutely we have! Have we struggled and wanted to throw in the towel? Oh yes, we certainly have. Are we still together witnessing each others lives, pushing the other to live life to the fullest? YES YES we are!

Mr. B. and I are still in love, we still have up’s and downs like all couples do but at the end of the day we’re happy that we belong together. We’re happy that we’re in love.

Ain’t love grand?

Mr. B.

Mr. B. bless his pea picking heart (well I'm not sure he has ever picked peas to be honest BUT...) he has stayed with me every minute as I'm grouchy from medication and have to potty every hour from fluids. He even put HIS socks on my feet (this is BIG for Mr. B. remember this post?). He has taken such good care of me.

I thought I would post a little pic of where he has slept in the hospital- so nice that theres a little place for him to sleep. And heres another of his little desk area, he has been able to work the whole time too. He's a multitasker I tell ya!

Not as welcoming to some

I had a visitor this afternoon.

I LOVE visitors!

I was not as welcoming to this guy as I am usually.

Mr. B. came home and rescued me from this Georgia King Snake.

I have to say though that the snake was pretty friendly. We knew he lived in the front garden and have been happy to have him as he keeps mice and other snakes away but I really didn't want him to move into the garage!

I was on the phone with Mr. B. when I discovered him, he could tell I was kind of freaking out.

He rushed home to save this damsel in distress.

Thank God for a sweet husband to save me!

first date, a view, a kiss and forever...

This is our first date picture (taken by Melissa right before we ditched her)

I love Mrs. Yellow Hat’s linky parties! Does that mean I love to talk about myself…? I wouldn’t have a blog if I didn’t friends!!

To read how I MET the love of my life, father of my children and man I’m spending my life with, go here.

I'm joining the first date stories late (dont even ask about my week- BAD). Mr. B. and I met in Hawaii where I grew up so our “dating” stories have great memories for us and to think back on them takes me home to Oahu where my heart is and always will be.

As you already know, we met at church (*insert hallelujah music here*) but sadly we were not allowed to date because Mr. B. was much older than me AND in the Navy (we’re a Marine family and there just IS a difference) **OOOOOH RAH**.

Mr. B. even asked my Dad if we could date and my dad did this to poor Mr. B.-
Mr. B.- I really like your daughter and I would like to be able to take her out on a date
Dad- (looks to the ceiling and chuckles) ummmm…. Let me think about it (insert 1 second here) NOPE!
Mr. B.- oh…. Uhhh…… okay…..
Dad- okee dokee then son, see ya around.
Me- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (I was really persistent, ask my best friend Melissa!)

SO I talked Melissa and another friend Bob into planning a “youth” trip to Diamond Head for a hike but strangely no youth could go (isn’t that weird *did I forget to invite them*??). Bob, Melissa, Mr. B. and I all met there and can I just say poor Melissa and Bob because I ditched them. Mr. B. and I literally ran (Melissa has asthma and Bob was too much of a gentleman to let her stay behind). We ran so we could spend the day alone hiking and I was hoping he would hold my hand… he did. We hiked and laughed and flirted

AND

He kissed me. I can remember the exact place that he kissed me and later on after we had babies we took them there too.

That’s the story of our first date, a hike, a kiss and forever what could be better than that my friends?


**Melissa might say that not ditching her would have been better. She was my best bud and soul mate back then. I didn't treat her right but I loved her dearly. She is a very important part of our complicated love story. Mr. B. and I think and laugh about her and our memories together often. I'll LOVE YOU forever Melissa**

Houston.... we have a problem!

As you know Mr. B. was down the last few weeks with terrible shoulder pain that turned out to be neck pain… as you also know Kid4 and I took him to Jacksonville last weekend so he could do his Navy drill as he could not drive himself being in so much pain and on pain medicine.

I think I have told you before that Mr. B. and a clean car window are like peanut butter and jelly, shoes and socks, ball and bat. We NEVER have a dirty car window. If there is something on the windshield Kid4 will say "WOW, we better get gas so Daddy can clean THAT window"! He cleans the windshield every time he gets gas- no exception!

UNTIL… he hurt his neck. So needless to say over the last few weeks while he was in pain our window got more and more dirty and he got more and more sad about it.

I am not a window cleaner, I would rather lean around the bugs, bird poop and road grime than clean the windows. I am a simple girl when I get gas, I just get gas… no extras. I am afforded the luxury of not cleaning that window because my sweet Mr. B. is so neat and clean, he keeps the windows nice and I don’t have too. (I realized HE kept it so nice when he was gone for a long time once- the window DID NOT clean itself and I had to give in and do it myself)

This weekend we went to dinner at this great little sea food place and while we were in the restaurant this happened

I was in total disbelief! How big was this particular bird? Was it a herd of birds? Is there such thing as a "herd of birds"? I mean WHAT THE HECK!?

When I got in the car my mouth literally hung open with shock. I looked over at Mr. B. who was looking at me with great fear. He was afraid I would lean around this mess the whole drive home. Poor guy he just knew he would have a complete break down if his eyes wandered to the purple disaster and I leaned the whole 5 hours home.

As we left the restaurant I found a hose on base and cleaned the window (I know, I know shocking isn't it?!) I knew he couldn't take the stress of this NOT SMALL problem and I was afraid I would end up blind driving home while squinting.

So YES, I cleaned it! And NO, I never found out who or what in the world made this purple mess... Barney?

praying for Mr. B.

Dear friends,
It’s surgery time for Mr. B.
see THIS POST to catch up.
Please say a little prayer for us today.
We have put our worries in God’s hands

(not to say that I’m not worried, but I’m trying!)
Mr. B. will be sore after surgery as they are going in through his neck.
He comes home tomorrow (Tuesday)
He’ll recover from home for the next few weeks.

I'm a really good nurse so he'll be in good hands.
Thanks for thinking of us

Love, Mr. B. and me

How we met

our first date

I just ran across Mrs. Yellow hats how we met blogging carnival and I am really enjoying it. I thought I would jump on the how I met my sweetheart bandwagon.

Here’s my little story that has turned into a 17 year and counting on forever marriage.

On a warm sunny Hawaiian afternoon at my childhood church up walked a lonely sailor and I instantly fell in love. And that’s a true story.

Here are the details; I was working that Sunday at the “greeting table”. In Hawaii there are lots of visitors from the mainland wanting to see just how a church in Hawaii happens. They picture flower leis, bare feet, muu muu’s and some of that is true, I never wore shoes to church, but I also never wore a muu muu! There I was, a young girl, there he was, a mostly grown man, he came to church that day, it was his birthday, he felt lonely and guilty that he hadn’t been to church much since he joined the Navy.

As he walked towards me, I leaned over to the lady next to me and said “I’m going to marry him”. She laughed, I laughed all the way to the alter!

I was mesmerized by him, I couldn’t look away, he was engaged to a girl in his hometown… long story short, we wrote hundreds of letters to each other over the next few months and through his words I truly fell in love with him. Still 17 years later I love his writing, his notes and letters.

We got married not quite a year later and although we have not had a perfect marriage I wouldn’t change a bit of it because every moment, every single event made us who we are today, and I love who we have become!

**Here’s a little side story. Before we were officially dating, he was on a ship and he was gone a lot so I asked a friend of mine at church who knew him to tell me his last name. My friend told me and I scratched it out on a little tiny piece of paper and it’s still in my Bible to this day. **

name calling

Don't kid2 and her Daddy look SO much alike?! It's nuts!

Kid2 and Mr. B. at the Father Daughter Dance this year.

My Mr. B. and I call each other names- lots and lots of names. Some would say it wasn’t nice. I would say to those who say it isn’t nice- you don’t know us!

After a long day of baking cookies Mr. B. will come home and say “Hello, Cookie McCookerson”

Say I have driven a long night to Mt. Perfect and I call him to say that I have arrived safely. He may say to me “Glad to know you arrived safely Drivey McDriverson”.

Maybe he spent a long day mowing the lawn? I might say to him, “Hey there Sweaty McSweaterson or Mowey McMowerson”

Lets say he fixed my brakes and worked on my truck, I would probably say to him, “Your quite something Truckey McTruckerson”

Sometimes he calls and I might be taking a nap. When he comes home he will probably say to me “I tried to call you today Sleepy McSleeperson”…

So lately I have been calling him “Leavey Mc Leaverson” because he is leaving the country and I am Sadey McSaderson about it!

Sweet and Sweaty Spelling bee at my house TONIGHT!

This evening the kids, Mr. B. and I were laughing at Kid1 for spelling something wrong earlier that day and I mentioned to the kids and our favorite house guest, The Shadow that Mr.B. was not the best speller… so he really should not be making fun of anyone else for mis-spelling anything.

When Mr. B. and I were dating he was in the Navy and we wrote lots of lovely letters back and forth to each other.

His first letters to me read like this-

“Dear Sweaty,
I’m sitting here in the bearthing thinking of you….. “

So lets break this letter down one word at a time. First, was he calling me sweaty like hot? I couldn't say, I didn’t know him all that well yet…

Second what is a “bearthing”? Honestly I wasn’t sure what he was saying but I felt as though it may be terribly inappropriate and I was fearful that my mom would read it…

Here’s what he was REALLY saying:

Dear Sweetie,
I am sitting here in the berthing thinking of you.

WHEW- not calling me sweaty or clammy or anything like that and the berthing is a place that Navy guys hang out in on a ship, whew- not dirty or inappropriate and he was totally dressed while writing it! We’re in the clear! It was just a sweat ... oops! sweet note.

The moral of this story is use a dictionary!
**Enjoy this picture of Mr.B. and I on our first "date"- it is an old picture so it's a little damaged.**

a true Christmas gift...

I love this man!

Around the Holidays I get nostalgic about my true love for so many reasons. I won’t tell you our whole crazy love affair story but I will tell you these things about him and me.

Mr. B. and I met on his birthday and “dated” for awhile- that’s a story for a talk show not THIS blog! Anyway we found out I was pregnant with our first son the day after Thanksgiving, which is also a story for a talk show- BUT around the Holidays I always remember how we met and married and how backwards we did things but how I still love him after all these years.

The day after Thanksgiving I woke my best friend up at 4am while I took a pregnancy test- she had a light up phone in her room and turned off all the ringers in her house so no one would be woken up. She and I waited about 5 seconds for the results that changed the course of my life and his. This was the true beginning of Mr. B. and me.

We got married Christmas day and have been together ever since. On Christmas day while we watch the kids open their gifts and giggle with excitement as they tear into the paper we always smile at each other with a wink and know that this was the day that we said we would spend forever together so long ago.

We don’t give each other gifts for lots of reasons. Long long ago when we could barely afford to buy the kids one thing each we couldn’t afford to buy each other anything and as the years wore on we just never started buying one another gifts. When someone asks me “what did HE get you for Christmas?” I always say- “4 kids and (however many) years”. I love that answer because I would rather have his children and his time than any purse, bottle of perfume or great pair of boots.

Almost 17 years ago we said “I do”, and through thick and thin we are still saying it.

Heeeeeeee's baaaaaaaaaack!

Welcome home Mr. B. I am so happy to have you home!

ps... I hope you get your bags tomorrow....

Congratulations to ME!

I’m married! Or…. Errr…. I was married? Okay I digress.

Actually I fell in love with a man 18 years ago. The second I saw him I knew I would marry him. I couldn’t have known how it would all go down and I will spare you the whole story. I fell in love with him on the top of a mountain in a little tiny cement building. We went for a long hike and ditched our friends so we could be together and …. Shhhhh…. Don’t tell anyone, we ditched them so we could KISS! I can still close my eyes and see what he was wearing and exactly what he looked like. I can still feel the way he felt when he kissed me. I can’t tell you what the beautiful view looked like though, I have no idea. I know it was beautiful but all I could see was him.

We got married a year later, we have had 4 birth children and many other children we have fallen in love with. We have been Mr. and Mrs. B (my maiden name starts with ‘B’ too) for 17 years but I have never changed my name. I kept my maiden name for several reasons. I was too young to get married and was afraid to change my name, it was too much of a pain to change it, and…. And here’s the big one…. I didn’t want to part with the little social security card that had MY name on it. You may already know… I don’t do change well.

Mr. B has never given me a hard time about it. He knows I don’t do change well, I think he secretly wishes I would change it. I thought a good compromise would be for us to just pick a new name but that’s a story for another blog…

Congratulations to me! I am now officially Mrs. B! Yesterday while Mr. B is out of town I got my drivers license, and my social security card with my new name on them. As soon as the lady behind the counter took my social security card with MY name, wrote void and sent it to the paper shredder I almost passed out…. I could barely see. I told you! I don’t take change well. She handed me a piece of paper and told me two weeks…. And that was that.

I’m married to Mr. B! I’m in love with Mr. B and now we have matching names… isn’t that SO cute?! Believe it or not we even have four little people that have those names too! How lucky are we?

After a day of changing names, and just change period I came home to these!

(Thank you Mr. B, I love you -from the official MRS B).