Thankful -"Aunt LEEEEEEnda"

My Kid4 and Lindas Kid2 and 3. Friends for life :)

I love me some Leeeeeenda! Let me tell you about my friend Linda, she absolutely was going to be my friend whether I wanted it or not. I love that about her now but back then, I wasn't so sure. She invited me to every play date, every girls shopping trip to Dallas and every MOPS meeting. I declined probably 95% of the invites.

I got brave once, bundled my little Kid4 up and went to a play date that no one else showed up to. I was totally freaked out, I am not social and had no idea what we were going to talk about. We spent the day talking and laughing and although skeptical I really enjoyed her company.

Our little babies are only 4 days apart and we spent many days letting them crawl around and enjoy being babies together. Over the years I completely fell in love with my Linda and can't imagine my life without her. Shes spent hours praying for me, my husband and children. She knows all my sins and bad behavior and she has always loved me anyway.

When I head back to East Texas, she is always my first stop. I can't imagine life without her, I deeply treasure her friendship and respect the person that she is to me and so many others.

AYE LEEEENDA…. I love you!

THANKFUL- Kid5

To say I am thankful for Kid5 is a gross underestimate.

Thankful (adjective)- pleased, relieved, expressing gratitude

Im not sure there is a word strong enough to describe my feelings for Kid5. From the minute that Kid5 was brought to my attention I deeply loved her. I spent nights worrying about her and days daydreaming about her. I knew she was meant to be "Kid5" from the moment I saw her on that ultrasound. We all packed in the room and the nurse announced that she was a girl, I practically did cartwheels of joy. I think I smiled for a week straight.

Kid5 is adopted, she is a gift from her birth mother to our family and we cherish her every little breath and movement. I loved her birth mother too. Her birth mother was a little tiny beautiful blonde who was full of life from the moment she was born.

She gave me the gift of seeing my baby be born, being the first to hold her, the first to kiss her. There are no words to express my gratitude for her. I love her birth mom deeply, I hope she knows that I do.

My beautiful, full of life, curious, amazing Kid5 is a miracle to us. She makes every teenager smile even on a bad day. She brings a snicker to the elderly and hysterical laughter from the little ones. She brings pure happiness, true joy and utter excitement to our lives. We are much older now, we are able to enjoy every mess, every spill, and every diaper. We have loved the car seats, the highchairs, the bottles, the tiny clothes, we love it all. In fact, we definitely indulge her every whim and are totally okay with it. She drags us around from room to room, toy to toy and we are delighted to hear every noise she utters.

Kid5 lights up our lives and anyone she smiles at. She loves everyone she meets and makes any stranger feel at home. She is the friendliest, funniest little perfect girl. This little brilliant beauty completed our family and I can't imagine our life without her.

I love you little busy bee :)

Be still and be thankful for every gift in life.

Thankful- Kid4

I have taken a big break in blogging lately but I am always writing in my head. I can think of a million things to say about my beautiful Kid4 yet, I can't seem to get it down on my blog. She leaves me speechless, unsure that she's really a child, she has the wisdom of a wise old Grandma and the advice of a well educated Psychologist.

Kid4 came into the world screaming her little face off and spent many years tortured by the world around her, she has Aspergers. Her ears were infected for years and they hurt. She was for all intents and purposes deaf for a year. I swear to you that if it weren't for the 6 other little hands helping me I might have become a zombie from sleep depravation. Kid4 was our family baby, we all pitched it, we all changed diapers, we all sat up nights with her, we all utterly adored her.

I don't know how she does it, but she has an ability to deeply understand others. She has profound advice and suggestions. She once told an alcoholic very softly that it was time he quit drinking and that he needed help, that same alcoholic is sober today, almost 3 years later. He heard HER.

She is beautiful in a thousand different ways and only silly to those who know her well. She deeply loves who she loves and truly doesn't understand violence or hate. She is often our anchor and our soft place.

The world baffles her, but if you listen to her, if you really stop and listen she deeply understands the important things in life, in people and in her surroundings. I am thankful for her as a person, for her as my daughter, for her as a sister and for her as an aspie girl. I would NOT change one thing about her because her quirks, her funny little things, her aspergers make her the most perfect little girl in my eyes.

Be sill and listen, a little child just might surprise you.

Thankful (kid3)

I doubt that I can fully express my adoration for my third baby, my second son. When I was pregnant I didn't care if he was a boy or a girl, I was just excited to cuddle a little tiny baby again. He was born a big ol' healthy boy! He was absolutely perfect. By the time he came along, I had already experienced birth, boys and girls, I felt at peace with the fact that babies are absolutely not born skin colored. I didn't have the same concerns. My Kid3 was an easy baby, a breeze of a toddler and for the most part an easy teen. Sometimes lately when I am still I have a wave of fear rush over me that something will happen to him. He's always been the quiet sensible one of the kids. He's the one who rolls with the punches, doesn't over react and although he caught our yard on fire one fall he's been a breeze to raise so far.

When I am busy and running like crazy he's always somewhere in the background waiting for me to slow down. When Im quiet and calm he's there. I often have to remind myself to stop and be quiet and enjoy him. I am so thankful for him in more ways than I could even know. As I count my blessings he is one of the big ones. He will always be my baby, I call him "the baby" and no matter how big he grows, he'll always be my mama's boy.

Be still and be thankful

Thankful (kid2)

There is no way to put my emotions into words over my first little precious baby girl. Right now is an emotional time between her and I. She has flown the coop… moved on… and as a mother I had no idea how hard that would be. I had dreams of her growing up, going off to college, visiting her… I knew I'd miss her but I had no idea how much.

With Kid1, I wanted a girl so bad I could barely stand it. When I got pregnant with Kid2, Mr. Be and I decided to not find out her gender. We were SO patient, I would never be able to do it now. I was scared, I had decided that I only knew how to raise boys and I was sure that I was totally unprepared for a girl.

I WAS RIGHT. I don't think there is a way to prepare for a daughter. Yes, yes, we had the pink nightgowns, rosy blankets and clothes out the wazoo, but it turns out that raising a daughter is WAY more than looking cute and combing long golden locks.

Just about every decision I've made since having a daughter, I have wondered how it would affect her. How will it affect her if I wear makeup every single day? Will she feel like God didn't make me pretty enough? What about my weight (which I am terrible at), if I complain about my weight every single day and still do nothing (which I do) will she mirror my failing body image? What about words? Will I use the wrong words at everything I say and will she use them as she grows? What about advice? Will I be able to advise her properly? The answer to all of the above questions is no. I now know that I will guide her in all the wrong ways, say things I shouldn't and she will repeat them, feel fat and pass it on and give her a love of all things makeup.

I don't think there is a proper way to prepare for having a daughter but I do know this. Be still. Be still and listen to God, he will guide you and if you will be still enough to listen you will do a far better job that I could ever dream of. I wasn't still enough to listen.

I can't imagine a day without her, she is my rock, my friend, my beautiful first daughter. I wouldn't change a single thing about her, as she grows and learns that all my advice is bunk she'll turn out great!

Be still and be thankful.

Thankful (kid1)

I know I have written these words or many like them before, the words about becoming a mother, the words about seeing my first child for the first time, holding him, and feeling his warmth. His first breath, his first cry, his first kick that he didn't meet my womb. He was stunning to me and as you may know he took my last breath as a non mother away. The second I saw him, I took a deep breath and little did I know my world was forever changed.

I wish I could go back in time and seize that moment, remember it better, pay closer attention. I was overwhelmed, he wasn't the color I thought he should be, he felt heavy on my weary chest… I watched him and he watched me, we stared at each other and I had no idea how my life would change. I couldn't know that my world would come crashing down over and over and how I would beg God to help me be a better mother, person and wife just for him. I wouldn't be able to wrap my mind around the worry, hurt and terror that is raising a child.

I love him. I feel like I've loved him forever and ever. I couldn't have known that I would feel that way. He has given me so much love, so many firsts, so many lessons. There isn't a way to thank him for being mine but I'd give my life for him.

Be still and be thankful.

thankful (Mr B.)

I am thankful for my husband and I haven't said it enough. It's hard to say when you're not paying attention what it is that your thankful for. Mr. B. and I have been married for many many years but not always together in our hearts. I am positive that we took each other for granted at least a thousand and half times over the years. We have been separated by time, miles and heart aches. I know that I am thankful for him, I know that I am, but it has taken me many years to get here. I got still and got thankful.

Be Still and be thankful.

Be still… (for L)

I was going crazy last year. I thought I had all the knowledge in the world, I thought I had it all figured out. Last year my world came crashing down via my own hands, heart and soul. I reached and begged for advice from anyone who would listen and I received the most amazing advice over and over. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I turned and ran another direction because I was so scared. Sometimes I ran towards great advice. My whole world rested in a low valley and it was a hard pill to swallow. I was in love with ideas and my mind was in the clouds. I have come to the brilliant resolution that I know N.O.T.H.I.N.G. And you know what? Im okay with it. I don't want all the answers.

I reached out to someone very dear to me and she told me to "BE STILL". At first this made no sense to me… Be still? How could I "be still" when my life was whirling away? I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop begging, moving, running, doing, searching, crying… and all of a sudden, I was still. I stopped looking, I stopped searching, I stopped running, I stopped asking and I closed my eyes. I remember the moment. I was standing in the shower, I closed my eyes and I was still. I stood there and let the warm water run over me and I was still. I stood there, just me and for the first time in so long I had a wave of peace over me. I let my tears fall, I let my hurts go, I let the promises that I couldn't keep wash down the drain… I was still.

I don't have any advice, I don't have any ideas, I don't know whats best for anyone but I know that if you'll "BE STILL", there is peace. It's peace like a river, peace like leaves whistling through the trees on a cool quiet day. There is peace inside of you, I can promise you this.

I work to "BE STILL" on a daily basis. I'm not always successful. One day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time I remind myself to "BE STILL".

Psalms 46:10

The Halloween fairy and secrets...

Hello candy lovers, can we all agree that as adults we're excited to see our kids get LOADS of candy on Halloween mostly because we are going to sneak into their buckets and eat it ourselves? I love candy, Im not going to lie to you… Hi, Im Ashley and I steal my kids Halloween candy.

While raising Kids 1, 2 and 3 my policy was as follows-

1. dress up
2. knock on doors, get free candy
3. eat whatever you can stomach while trick-or-treating
4. the following day after school eat until your sick
5. the end

Now that I am raising a little girl with a sensitive stomach I can see why lots of parents only allow their babies to eat a certain amount per day. Kid4 is in love with candy like I am and she WILL eat till she's sick, like REALLY sick.

In comes the Halloween fairy. This is a WIN WIN for all of us. Kid4 choses 10 pieces of candy and she leaves the rest out for the Halloween fairy. When she wakes up, the fairy has left her a toy that she really wanted in exchange for her candy.

FAQ

Does she voluntarily do this?
Yes and no. She asks if she can keep her candy. She often says no thanks, she'd rather have the candy. I say no and in the morning she is THRILLED with her new toy. It works every time and we're both happy.

The moral of the story? I get her candy. 

THE END

Halloween 2012

 My wonderful witch!

My ravishing darling candy collectors! 

My lovely ladybug!

My Beauties had a fun Halloween. 

How was yours?