even dogs...

Kid4 used stickers to tape this flag to our porch this weekend and when we asked her why she had put it there she responded:

"Because EVEN DOGS should worship America!"

We laughed because she always says the most profound things. I laughed, I smiled, I chuckled and I walked away and hoped that flag would stay there for a very long time because it meant something more to me than just a flag, a little girl and her dog, knowing though that someday it would fall. It spoke to me differently. She is right, everyone needs something, someone to adore. Now I doubt that our dog Max will worship, adore or admire this simple flag or even realize that he lives in a free country but so far every time that I have walked on to the porch I have teared up with pride and a little sadness knowing that I live in a free country, knowing that my husband is fighting for a free country and knowing that some things that I adore and admire I will gain and lose through no control of my own but I think thats all part of being truly free.

Freedom isn't free.

Little girls thoughts ARE free.

Love isn't free.

Welcome to the world baby girl

Kid5 was born May 15th at 10am and we were instantly in LOVE.

Of course we have a lovely and long adoption story and I will share parts of it but for now I just want to share her beauty and how we adore her.

The big kids are completely over the moon for her. They rush to her side if she fusses, the girls are dying for her to wake up in the morning. Kid4 feels like she has D.I.E.D. and gone to heaven having a baby sister.

Kid5 is a cuddly, lovely, blue eyed beauty. We feel like the luckiest family in the world. We are blessed beyond belief to have been given the gift of this beautiful baby girl to raise, nurture and adore forever and ever.

Welcome to OUR world baby girl.

what have I been up too?

I'm not really sure I can list all the things that I have done this summer but I sure as heck will try to tell you. I can promise you that we had a fun and SERIOUSLY interesting summer. I can also promise you that you WILL NOT believe our adventures, our stories and the memories we made. I should probably start with the fact that we adopted kid 5 in May before summer even started…

ARE. YOU. SHOCKED. ???

We are so excited.

Her story will follow shortly…

Adoption, travels to Louisiana, growing up boys, moving out kids, tales of swimming, fishing, crabbing, and bad car accidents… this summer was an adventure with tales to tell, experiences to share… laughs, cries and probably some yawns. I'll try to catch you up on our world over the next few weeks.

I've missed blogging thats for sure! :)

HaPpY bIrThDaY young-old man!

Often my children bring me to my knees. Sometimes in an amazing way and sometimes I'm brought to my knees in horror, if you have children, you know this feeling well. Nineteen years ago today at 6:15 in the morning I was truly brought to my knees when my first son, my first love, the one who would teach me to be a mother was born.

That very minute, 6:15 am I couldn't have known just how profound he would be, the things he would teach me, the deep conversations we would have about life, love and God. That very hour that early morning hour I could have never guessed that he would lead me through the most beautiful and meaningful times of my life.

As I watched the nurses bathe him and wipe him clean his big blue eyes opened and shut staring wide at me. I had no idea that this little boy would be my strength, literally my breath through some of the hardest times of my life.

My oldest son is a big brother to MANY, a cherished friend to tons, but most of all he's my boy, my NINETEEN year OLD baby boy who I adore even though I don't tell him enough, even though I often parent him through sheer fear and make mistakes every single day because every day of his life I have fumbled through trying to make the best choices possible, begging God to show me whats right for him.

Happy Birthday Kid ONE, I ADORE you my boy, theres just no way I could ever tell you enough, I know we've had such a hard time lately, I hope I'm making the right choices for you. I'm on my knees son praying that I'm doing the right things. I love you so much, I want the best for you. YOU are my first child, you and I taught each other so much. I feel so blessed that God chose you for me.

I love you my boy. Happy nineteenth birthday.

Love, Mom

sometimes raising kids feels like building your foundation on sand. Did you ever sing that song in church? "The wise man built his house upon a rock… the foolish man built his house upon the sand…."

Somedays, some nights I feel like I built my foundation on sand. Do you ever just feel like your crumbling apart? Do you ever just feel like things, your house, your kids, your life is just slowly slipping away and like a sand through an hour glass and there isn't a single thing you can do about it?

Are your kids ever just so disrespectful that it shocks you? Do they ever speak to you so disrespectfully that it takes your breath away and makes you want to cry inside? Are there ever times when you can't believe those little sweet baby mouths could speak to you with such disrespect? Is it shocking? Is it sad? Does it bring you to your knees? Kids can leave you speechless can't they?

Does life ever take it all from you some days? Leave you spinning inside? Leave you wondering how tomorrow could be any worse? Does life ever leave you breathless, lifeless, limp? Does a hard day leave you feeling exhausted and worthless sometimes? It does me. Sometimes I think I can't take another night, another step, another breathe. Life can sock you in the gut sometimes.

As that sand runs out, as those kids wear you down, as life takes your last breath what do you do to survive? Do you pray? Do you take a walk? Do you meditate? Do you take a minute to breath?

Tonight one of my kids took the very last breath I had and disrespected me. She hurt for the last time today. She made me feel stupid and worthless. She hurt my heart and embarrassed me. I couldn't tell her because these aren't things you tell kids. Sometimes she makes me feel like stupidest person in the world, not worth talking to, not worth respecting. She is very hard to respect as she doesn't like to give respect. She forgets I am also just a human, a woman, a soft hearted mother. She often hurts my feelings and goes on like it's nothing. She's been hard to raise but strong and wonderful too. Theres no way for her to know my adoration for her. Theres no way for her to know how I would die for her. There no way for her to know how I preserve her pride by backing down instead of embarrassing her like I probably should. Theres no way for her to understand that I give her respect even though she doesn't deserve it. She's a very stubborn girl, I like her that way. I raised her that way.

I have to remind myself that a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing…. say it with me…. strong girl good thing. strong girl good thing…. strong girl good thing…….

your welcome to pray for me anyway... or take her off my hands…. ;)

mageddon

This whole "carmageddon" thing has me thinking…

have you ever experienced a "Mageddon" of your own? Like you know when you have travelled for weeks and you unpack the car into your house and somehow as you unpack your vacation paraphernalia multiplies from one bag each into thousands? And you have vacationMageddon on your hands!

Or when you agree to a sleepover and at 3 am your daughters friends somehow turn from four to twenty or what may be one-hundred, there are no more snacks, glasses, sink space, bathroom counter space or floor space left in the house and what you have here is sleepoverMageddon!

Think back about how you felt when you offered to do someone you barely knew a favor like watch their house just to be nice but you didn't realize that they had 47 cats and one small litter box. Remember when you offered to cook your neighbors dinner but their family of 17.9 was there visiting and your stove quit working but you did it anyway because you COULD NOT SAY NO? yeah…… thats suckerMageddon!

When my kids were all little at once and had to be at three different schools at 8 am, that was momMageddon, and I miss those days because the teenMageddon I am not enjoying quite as much since the nothavingcontrolMageddon is not nearly as much fun as the babyMegaddon and the zombieMageddon from the nosleepMageddon due to newbornMageddon.

The bottom line is I think there will always be some sort of "Mageddon" in your life. I mean lets be honest here from newbornMageddon to teenageMageddon to collegeMageddon to engagedMageddon to grandparentMageddon… theres always some sort of "Mageddon". The key is how we deal with it.

So….

breatheMageddon

staycalmMageddon

prayMageddon

hopeMageddon

and

goodluckMageddon :)

learnin' to ride...

Tonight Im thinking that raising kids is kind of like teaching them to ride bikes. There are 3 types- or at least in my house there are 3 types.

Type 1 you can never let go of or they WILL certainly fall, it seems they are always looking back for you. You know the ones that cling to you on the first day of school, the ones who hold on tightly, who aren't excited to spend the night with their friends? You know the ones who expect that you will always save them? Type 1 will break your heart because as you try to let go he will cling to you and if you let him hold on it will only hurt him in the end when it's time for him to be a grown up. Type 1 kids usually have a heart of gold.

Type 2 kids are always running ahead of you. As you try to hold onto the back of those bicycles they are riding away from you, you are running behind just to keep up trying to convince yourself that YOU are actually helping… but you know deep down that they are doing it themselves. Type 2 kids are so independent. They are bursting into the doors of school, eager to learn and begging to spend the night away from home. You cringe in pain worrying sick that something will happen to them because you can barely keep up to keep an eye on them. These little Type 2's will be the apple of your eye but my goodness it's hard to hold them back sometimes. They want to grow too fast!

Type 3 kids are okay with whatever happens. They will ride their bike if you want them too and if you are ready to help them, but they are fine to wait until YOU are ready. These kids will do whatever, whenever at your pace and you can finally breathe again. They will let you walk, run or skip behind the bike- HECK they'll let YOU ride the bike if you want too! Type 3 kids will go to school if you want them to and go with a smile, but they are happy to stay home too. My type 3 kid is secretly stubborn as a mule but is the light of my life. This kid has been a joy since he was born.

So far… my kids are repeating these patterns… we'll see what happens… It's an odd thing to watch kids grow. It's heart breaking, heart filling. It's wonderful, magical and horrible all at the same time.

Tonight my heart is breaking in two as I am having to teach some really hard lessons to one of my babies. I hope he understands one day how I love him. I hope he can forgive my parenting and know that being stern and strict is in his best interest. I hope he can truly know how I adore him, how I have lived for him and how I spent hours and hours praying over him as a small child. Now that he's grown he has to fly.

Good luck my baby… I'll always be your momma bird if you need me.

HELP!

My friends, my niece Audrey Bullington has been missing for over 10 days. Our family is worried sick about her. Please keep your eyes open for her. We are begging Audrey to go home tonight or to please let someone know she is safe.

Missing: Anyone with information leading to the location of Audrey Bullington , age 16, please notify the Springfield MO police department 417-864-1810.

Were summering and contemplating life… hows your summer?

two roads…

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20
I love this poem.. I always have. It speaks to me. I have been afraid so many times over the years that I have not taken the right path… neither one has ever seemed clear to me...