Beautiful girls

Window was an absolute beauty all dressed up for prom. She truly is always beautiful and it was such an honor to be able to share this moment with her and watch her sparkle! Kid1 is at boot camp so his very best friend, Mr. T, took sweet window to the prom and they had a great time. Mr. T is about the most wholesome guy you will ever meet. We love him around here!

My gorgeous first daughter, Kid2 looked like a doll, she is rockin' the pin up hair! She asked her daddy to walk her out for the Senior walk out (I am trying to deny that she is a senior), and they looked gorgeous together. It was so fun to see the excitement on their faces as they ate dinner and swooned over each other. What a fun night!

Here's our prom crew. Kid2's date, J and Kid2. The girls absolutely hilarious and memorable sweet friend L, Window and Mr. T. The beautiful and lovely C and her date K. I think they looked all looked perfect. (is it just me or does hilarious L look like Audrey Hepburn?)

Happy Easter

Happy Easter my friends,

I hope you have a perfect day.

These are the last few days that my children will be living under the same roof. The last few days that they will all be children. Kid1 goes to bootcamp on Tuesday and Kid2 turns 18 on Monday…

I saw this on pinterest and thought it was hilarious!

Halloween 2011

Oh MY WORD! These kids had a blast on Halloween night! My house felt like Halloween central! We have spider man, a beautiful dancer, IVY, a soldier, a vampire, V for vendetta, and a little pink and purple vampire.

What a night! After it was all over, there were fake teeth, fake blood, capes, candy, tutu's makeup, and costume parts EVERYWHERE!

The night was GREAT! Everyone had fun, got lots of candy and made unforgettable memories! Isn't that what it's all about? Making memories? I love special holidays!

Thanks guys for an amazing night of fun! :)

I *heart* teenagers!

This is what my kitchen looks like on any given weekend (and some weekdays).

What do you see when you look at this picture? Do you see just teenagers? Do you see loud noises, your food budget flying out the window and music so loud your ears are bleeding?

I absolutely love teenagers! I see happiness and pure joy, I hear laughing and developing humor. I hear how they express themselves through music. Have you ever really listened to what they are listening too? It's really not THAT bad. Teenagers are really the kindest, most soft hearted humans alive. They are in between jaded adulthood and immature childhood, which is the best place to be if you ask me. Teenagers are amazing listeners, terribly creative and truly kind hearted. They can have an amazing night of fun with 10 dollars in change and make memories that will certainly last a lifetime!

I love it when my house is full of teenagers, their off colored jokes and their amazing plans to pass the time, have a little fun or just do nothing at all but laugh like crazy.

I am blessed beyond belief to be surrounded by brilliant, beautiful, astounding teens and I love them each for different and unique reasons. I cherish the teens in my life more than they will ever know.

I love you all, thanks for making every day and most nights brighter, more fun and memorable! :)

sometimes raising kids feels like building your foundation on sand. Did you ever sing that song in church? "The wise man built his house upon a rock… the foolish man built his house upon the sand…."

Somedays, some nights I feel like I built my foundation on sand. Do you ever just feel like your crumbling apart? Do you ever just feel like things, your house, your kids, your life is just slowly slipping away and like a sand through an hour glass and there isn't a single thing you can do about it?

Are your kids ever just so disrespectful that it shocks you? Do they ever speak to you so disrespectfully that it takes your breath away and makes you want to cry inside? Are there ever times when you can't believe those little sweet baby mouths could speak to you with such disrespect? Is it shocking? Is it sad? Does it bring you to your knees? Kids can leave you speechless can't they?

Does life ever take it all from you some days? Leave you spinning inside? Leave you wondering how tomorrow could be any worse? Does life ever leave you breathless, lifeless, limp? Does a hard day leave you feeling exhausted and worthless sometimes? It does me. Sometimes I think I can't take another night, another step, another breathe. Life can sock you in the gut sometimes.

As that sand runs out, as those kids wear you down, as life takes your last breath what do you do to survive? Do you pray? Do you take a walk? Do you meditate? Do you take a minute to breath?

Tonight one of my kids took the very last breath I had and disrespected me. She hurt for the last time today. She made me feel stupid and worthless. She hurt my heart and embarrassed me. I couldn't tell her because these aren't things you tell kids. Sometimes she makes me feel like stupidest person in the world, not worth talking to, not worth respecting. She is very hard to respect as she doesn't like to give respect. She forgets I am also just a human, a woman, a soft hearted mother. She often hurts my feelings and goes on like it's nothing. She's been hard to raise but strong and wonderful too. Theres no way for her to know my adoration for her. Theres no way for her to know how I would die for her. There no way for her to know how I preserve her pride by backing down instead of embarrassing her like I probably should. Theres no way for her to understand that I give her respect even though she doesn't deserve it. She's a very stubborn girl, I like her that way. I raised her that way.

I have to remind myself that a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing…. say it with me…. strong girl good thing. strong girl good thing…. strong girl good thing…….

your welcome to pray for me anyway... or take her off my hands…. ;)

learnin' to ride...

Tonight Im thinking that raising kids is kind of like teaching them to ride bikes. There are 3 types- or at least in my house there are 3 types.

Type 1 you can never let go of or they WILL certainly fall, it seems they are always looking back for you. You know the ones that cling to you on the first day of school, the ones who hold on tightly, who aren't excited to spend the night with their friends? You know the ones who expect that you will always save them? Type 1 will break your heart because as you try to let go he will cling to you and if you let him hold on it will only hurt him in the end when it's time for him to be a grown up. Type 1 kids usually have a heart of gold.

Type 2 kids are always running ahead of you. As you try to hold onto the back of those bicycles they are riding away from you, you are running behind just to keep up trying to convince yourself that YOU are actually helping… but you know deep down that they are doing it themselves. Type 2 kids are so independent. They are bursting into the doors of school, eager to learn and begging to spend the night away from home. You cringe in pain worrying sick that something will happen to them because you can barely keep up to keep an eye on them. These little Type 2's will be the apple of your eye but my goodness it's hard to hold them back sometimes. They want to grow too fast!

Type 3 kids are okay with whatever happens. They will ride their bike if you want them too and if you are ready to help them, but they are fine to wait until YOU are ready. These kids will do whatever, whenever at your pace and you can finally breathe again. They will let you walk, run or skip behind the bike- HECK they'll let YOU ride the bike if you want too! Type 3 kids will go to school if you want them to and go with a smile, but they are happy to stay home too. My type 3 kid is secretly stubborn as a mule but is the light of my life. This kid has been a joy since he was born.

So far… my kids are repeating these patterns… we'll see what happens… It's an odd thing to watch kids grow. It's heart breaking, heart filling. It's wonderful, magical and horrible all at the same time.

Tonight my heart is breaking in two as I am having to teach some really hard lessons to one of my babies. I hope he understands one day how I love him. I hope he can forgive my parenting and know that being stern and strict is in his best interest. I hope he can truly know how I adore him, how I have lived for him and how I spent hours and hours praying over him as a small child. Now that he's grown he has to fly.

Good luck my baby… I'll always be your momma bird if you need me.

HELP!

My friends, my niece Audrey Bullington has been missing for over 10 days. Our family is worried sick about her. Please keep your eyes open for her. We are begging Audrey to go home tonight or to please let someone know she is safe.

Missing: Anyone with information leading to the location of Audrey Bullington , age 16, please notify the Springfield MO police department 417-864-1810.

P.R.O.M.

I didn't blog about PROM like I should have because it was like admitting my kids were grown. When I took these pics of my son I had to blink back tears because this is IT. He's gone after this. This was his one event as a high schooler. He was never interested in prom before. Can you imagine how I will be at graduation? I stood there behind the lens and it was like his life flashed before my eyes. I know I have said this before but it really happens. It's like he grows up all over again right there in front of me and I can't believe it. I love his sweet girlfriend, the way she looks at him is priceless. I wanted to take so many more pictures but I just couldn't. It was so hard. The truth is all I could hear was the camera snapping so loudly. I couldn't even hear anyone talking around me. I could barely make out what was going on around me. I was trying so hard to just push the button. More than anything I wanted to rewind time and watch him run to me and hear him call me momma (although really he still does) I wanted to hear him ask for juice instead of gas money… Time has stolen him from me… but doesn't he look amazing? And isn't his girl a doll?

I have thanked my lucky stars for this beauty from the day she was born and I am so thankful that I have another year with her! I often blog about how amazing she is. I had an easier time taking pictures of her because thank goodness I have more time with her. Next year though I will be a blubbering mess … in fact I might just have to hire a photographer because there is simply no way I will be able to hold it together to take pics of this lovely girl! She fell in love with this dress and MANY others along the way! I think this one suited her spicy personality though and I LOVED it on her! I love having Kid1 and 2 close together and I love that they went to prom with friends. She went with a good friend of his because her boyfriend (who just happens to be the sweetest person on earth) lives out of state. They all had a great time. My kids are good kids and I knew they would be safe and sober prom night, which is a relief!

Prom for ME was a night of growing up kids, beautiful dresses and deep deep thoughts. My kids are growing/grown up. It's hard to let them go. I watched them for a few minutes at the Senior walkout and just watched Kid1 be a child one last time. He mingled with his friends, talked like a high school child would, threw his head back and laughed one last time in high school, one last time as a carefree kid…. one last time to be a child at a high school dance… it was hard. I wonder what he thought.

prom

PROM was hectic.

I'll write more tomorrow.

I felt a little more sad than I realized I would.

My kids are growing faster than Im ready for…

I think my baby may be grown.

:(

SO… you think you "know EVERYTHING"?

Do you ever hear other parents say "teenagers think they know EVERYTHING"? Do you agree? Do you think that your teenagers, or teenagers in general, think they "know EVERYTHING"? I agree and disagree all at the same time. Sometimes I watch my teens grasp at anything and everything because they are so aware that they know nothing and it's so hard to watch them struggle while knowing they must learn on their own. Sometimes it's horrible to have to watch them be so confident that they know just how to do something that you know they know nothing about and watch them fail.

Do you want to know what I have realized as I am raising teens? I have realized that not only do they not "know everything", I don't "know everything" either. In fact I have come to the sad realization that I know very little. As I watch them stumble down the paths of teenager-hood tripping and falling sometimes and succeeding and skipping along other times I feel like Im on a roller coaster running behind them clapping for the good times and trying to catch them during the bad times all along not knowing anything at all just hoping to do the right things.

Raising teenagers is a helpless feeling, like betting your last dime on a turtle in a horserace. Im crossing my fingers, closing my eyes and praying hard that my kids turn out human at the end of this thing they call teenagers…

:) happy :)

I love that my kids are friends…

I always tell my kids that friends will come and go but their siblings are forever.

"walk"

I had a total inner panic today when I realized that I had never sent a check to the high school for Kid1's cap and gown so I rushed around looking for the note to see if I missed the deadline, finally I gave up and just called the school. I said "Hi, I am Kid1's mom and I totally forgot to pay for his cap and gown and Im totally freaking out inside worried that he won't be able to go to the ceremony"… she reassured me that she had taken his measurements and that I didn't have to pay until April. She very confidently said "He will be able to walk". I took a big breath, thanked her and hung up.

As I hung up, I sat there and re-played the conversation in my head that I just had with the secretary… did she say "walk"? WAIT… wait a COTTON PICKIN' second here…. did she say "walk"? Wait…. didn't he just learn to walk? Is it even remotely possible that he is going to have his name announced, walk across a big stage and graduate from high school? Is my baby old enough to graduate? WHEN did this happen? I sat there and the life of my little boy played in my head and I closed my eyes and remembered him. I closed my eyes and felt his soft yellow hair, I felt my lips on his hot cheeks, I could hear his little baby boy noises in my ear once again. I kept my eyes tightly shut as I watched him learn to crawl and then walk in my mind. I forced my eyes to stay securely closed and watched him sit on those big stairs on his first day of kindergarten, I could just hear his little voice begging me to let him stay home "just one more day".

He grew. He grew up. He's about to "walk". He's about to graduate. I know I'll stand there sobbing like a baby, or will I see a little tiny boy crawling, walking, and running across the stage…? Will his life, the life he had with me flash before my eyes once again? Will I watch him and be paralyzed with mother emotion?

I guess we'll see… don't take your eyes off your babies because before you know it they will "walk", they will fly and well they just won't be your babies anymore.

*boo hoo*

driving diva

My beautiful, smart and amazing go getter, Kid2 got her license today. I'm so proud of her, Im always proud of her. She really someone to behold, to be proud of, to look up too. As I stood there signing the documents saying that I would let her drive, saying that I was allowing her to be on very big roads with very mean drivers, I felt a little sick.

Theres always a part of being a mom that is so tearing. Of course a part of me is so proud, glad that she can depend on herself and stop being so frustrated when we're late to pick her up or she can't go somewhere she wants too, but theres another part to that too. The other part of me wants to take her away from a mean world, from aggressive drivers, from dangerously darting deer… a part of me wants to protect her forever and ever and thats the part that gets torn away. I know I can't protect her from everything, I know she has to live to learn, but I really miss buckling her into a stroller and making sure she is safe (except for that one time when I forgot to buckle her and she fell out and got a concussion… but it was only once)

I love my kid2, she is utterly amazing to me and I want her to be safe and sound. She won't know the feeling of horror that letting your kids grow up is until she experiences it for herself with her own kids.

Dear Kid2, you have been on your feet rearing to go from the minute you were born. You wanted more than a plain boring life and you always made sure to get it. You decided what your dreams were and went for them. There is truly no one else like you, no one as strong as you, as driven as you and as kind-hearted as you are. You are one in a million my little girl and I feel so honored to be raising you. Please be easy on me, please remember that while you drive I am home pacing the floors because the thought of something happening to you breaks me to pieces. I love you probably more than you'll ever understand and I'm okay with that. You are a wonderful person and I am so proud of you. Please be careful in that big ol' world baby girl and remember that your momma loves you and needs you.

I love you.

Mom

the amnesty sink

*amnesty*

an official pardon for people who have been convicted of political offenses. An undertaking by the authorities (parents) to take no action against specific offenses and during a fixed period.

Wednesday night I realized that there were just 3 small plates in my cupboard and no matter how many times I did the dishes, they weren't multiplying… I was really sad about it.

I had an idea…

I said to my boys; "I seem to have no small plates, I am going to give you THIS night as an amnesty dish night, no consequences, I will wash them, just give them back, no questions asked.

I woke up to this-

Does this seem a little ridiculous to YOU TOO? I mean WOW… can I just say THEY ARE NOT EVEN SUPPOSE TO EAT DOWNSTAIRS!!!!! WHY ARE BIG KIDS SUCH A PAIN ???

Im not even going to consider amnesty laundry night… I might get buried alive!

:(

the horror continued...

She killed that little matchbox with a more than likely bad transmission over and over and over as she eeked out into the busy road ahead…

Again, I felt like I should probably give her some confidence, I mean after all isn’t that MY JOB? So, in my most terrified and again high-pitched voice I shout out “D-d-d-DEAR GOD, pah-pah-lease m-m-m-ake it stop”…. And I seriously did not mean to say that. (I wish I were kidding) I really wanted to give her words of wisdom, like calmly saying “you're doing good, just a little more gas and a little less clutch”… but instead I was in full freak out mode now. (Have I told you that I laugh hysterically when I’m nervous?) When I realized I was shouting out things I didn’t mean to say I tried to fix it by calmly saying “honey, everyone struggles when they learn to drive a stick”…. But instead I squeaked out “y-y-y-y-YOUR doing g-g-g-great…. P-p-p-p lease don’t kill us”…. And I was shocked… so there I am laughing hysterically and tears start pouring down my cheeks because I am literally scared to death. I can’t stop shouting, she is shouting and laughing at ME… because as you know I am “such a hoot when I’m nervous”…. I covered my face because at this point I was too scared to even get out of the car, you know since we were hanging out in the intersection and all.

THEN, SHE PUT IT IN REVERSE and hit the gas and I was sobbing… because I don’t think she even looked behind her. It was ONLY by the grace of God that there was no one behind us. I grasped my purse and seatbelt and sat there begging God, or Scotty, to Beam us up, Id take anywhere but here at this point.

Finally, she got that car to move and we sailed toward the other lane. And well…. she looked at me with pride as she sailed off almost into the curb… because apparently her hands and head are controlled by the SAME THING…. I shouted “OH PLEASE …. P-p-p-p-LEASE….. I-I- I-I-I th-th-think you need to watch a little c-c-c-c-closer!

We got there. I cried. I lived. I haven't been in the car with her since.

driving nightmares!

Recently I had a life changing experience… my 16 year old daughter driving. It’s not that she’s a bad driver, but it’s also not that she’s a good driver. She has a stick shift and those are really hard to drive.

I wish the following was a fictional story, but sadly it’s all fact.

She had to go to work and I thought it would be a great idea to let her drive her own car…. (have I mentioned to you that I’m not all that smart?)

I backed out… because it’s hard to back out of a driveway… right? After I backed out and got “too close” (at least 5 feet) to Kid1’s car she tried to get it to move without rolling… but as we moved dangerously close to Kid1’s beloved Honda she was screaming and I was still relatively calm. She got out, I got out, moved her car to a better spot… Anyway…. We got going after a few tries and sailed straight through the first stop sign, which should have been my first clue. When leaving our neighborhood you have to turn out into traffic… and as she rolled, and the car sputtered and died over and over all as we're rolling into the street, I started to feel a REAL panic coming on.

I could not even help myself; I was starting to completely freak out. At this point, I thought that she probably needed some reassurance, so in my high-pitched-dog-whistle-pure- panic-voice I shout and I DO MEAN shout… “w-w-w-well….. your d-d-d-d-doing gah-gah-gah REAT honey” (did I also tell you I have a REALLY bad stammer when I’m DYING of fear?) She laughed because as you know “I’m so funny” when in fear for my life… as other cars whizzed by I just covered my eyes.

She finally made it, she got out on the relatively big road with her stick shift and I was paralyzed in horror when I realized the next turn is a MAJOR intersection with only a stop sign… I mean it’s all judgment and gas here ... and she, as a new driver, has a little less good judgment and little more of “meh…. I’ll probably make it” attitude… (I need to interject here that she drives a HONDA CRX- VERY small car). As we glide into the stop at the VERY busy road ahead, I honestly thought I would throw up. I kept telling myself that we would probably be okay ….

to be continued….

are we there YET?

These outstanding offspring travelled nearly all the way across the country and back like champs! "Are we there yet" are words I hear quite often and I don't mind answering that question at all. No matter where we are in the drive, even if we have just left, I say "Yes, ALMOST"(then I make them play a car game)! I love to drive, I think there is nothing like it and many don't agree...

Heres the bottom line about driving, and trust me, Mr. B. and I have discussed this at length (he'd rather be a flyer)

bottom line= I wouldn't trade ONE SINGLE MINUTE (and I have experienced LOTS) spent in the car with my kids for anything in the whole world. The times we have had listening to books on tape, their childish chatter, giggling as they tell each other jokes, playing the ministers cat and other car games are irreplaceable memories to me. The sunsets and sunrises I have witnessed with my kids all nestled into the backseat together are memories I'll never forget. I remember exactally what their little slumbering faces looked like the morning we watched the sun rise over the Grand Canyon. I remember their giant eyes as we pulled up to window rock in New Mexico. I cherish every single minute I had threading needles for them so they could sew little aprons and pillows to pass the time. These rare moments (or not so rare if you travel like I do) are moments that can't be achieved any other way than being stuffed into a car like sardines moving down the highways towards our next adventure.

I love my traveling companions and truth be told I am sad that they are grown up, plugged in and stay home alone now. There is something to be said for nothing to do in the car but entertaining each other! Next chance you get try a good dose of "are we there yet" to reconnect with your kids. You won't regret it!

Hi... I'm so and so and you are...?

Have you ever truly met yourself…? Like Hello I’m _________, let’s get to know you/me better. Do you ever truly know yourself? Is it possible to know yourself? Do the people that claim to know themselves just think they know?

I’m realizing, late in life I might add, that there are about 3 jillion layers to me and I barely know any of them. I’m good with about the first ten layers, after that I’m a mystery to myself. I’m wondering now if it’s my fault that I don’t know myself better, should I have done things different?

Is it possible to know yourself while you’re raising kids and trying to help them with their own identities? I was going along worrying about kids and not even thinking of myself when they were little and as time slipped by so did I. I can’t really tell you when it happened; in fact, I doubt I ever had a really good grasp on who I was.

There may be an age when that happens for most people, college? The first few years of marriage without kids I suppose? Who knows, I certainly don’t. I am finding myself struggling to hold my head above water and I’m not even sure I can help myself anymore. I’m not even sure I ever could! I think lots of people who knew me forever ago would say they knew it would happen. I think they would say “this is what happens when you get married and have kids so young, I knew it would happen to you too”.

I guess I’m no exception and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that I so badly wanted to BE the exception. I so badly wanted to look back and say “I told you I could do it” but I can’t and I’m struggling and I guess they were right.

This new layer that I am discovering is so new to me. I am the kind of girl who does change instantly and happy with it as long and I have control over it. I don’t do long term slow change well. As my children are starting to be adults, preparing to leave and making their own decisions I find myself scared….. of myself! What will Kid4 and I do all alone together? (Don’t panic, Mr. B will be at work) You see my whole life has gone like this.

• Get up feed the kids
• talk to them
• make sure they’re happy for school
• wish them well
• take them to school
• go home get another kid ready
• make her breakfast
• dress her
• take her to school
• go home
• clean up the aftermath of the morning
• run errands
• start dinner
• pick up the kids
• take them to their afterschool activities
• finish dinner
• clean up dinner
• get the kids cleaned up
• read stories
• put them to bed
• put them to bed again
• clean up again
• KIDS KIDS KIDS

what will I do when I am only cooking for 3? I don’t even think I can cook for 3. I will have to feed other people, neighbors perhaps?

WHY am I panicking about this so early? I still have two years…. But do you know how fast 2 years can go? Two years can be gone in the blink of an eye…

IM TRYING NOT TO BLINK!

DRIVING Mr. and Miss Crazy

Half of my kids are driving and it’s scaring me to death! Mr. B., the dear, takes them driving as much as he can and I can’t even watch them back out of the driveway! I almost cry out in terror thinking of them on the road.

There are more issues than you think when it comes to your kids driving. People so easily say “let them go”, “they have to learn sometime”, “don’t be so overprotective”… etc.

I can barely stand the thought of something happening to them or to someone else because they are driving. How will your child feel if they hit someone? How will they ever get that image out of their minds?

Remember my nephew was hit by a car and killed and I feel sad for the young girl that hit him when I think of her. She was only 19, and I can’t imagine how she has been able to drive again or stop thinking about him laying there in front of her truck

When they drive away I can’t help but to think about someone hitting them, getting THAT call, finding out that they will never come home or they have hit someone else that will never go home.

I know, I know, I’m a worrywart! I don’t try to be, I wish I could be more carefree and like yeah, sure go ahead and drive, I’m not worried at all… instead I’m like a Chihuahua on crack and am wringing my sweaty paws when they get out on the open road!

I need a vacation!

help Im drowning....

I know I write love letters to my kids and tell you how wonderful they are and how much I enjoy them (and they really are nice kids most of the time) but can I just say that those trifling teens are driving me insane today? They are unmistakably trying to kill me I just know it. Between the driving, and I use that term loosely because none of them have their licences, the dating and the strange men talking to my daughter I think I may actually be losing my mind.

I have to speak very highly of Kid1’s girl Weezy, she’s honestly practically perfect and the time we have with her makes all my days better and I’ll tell you why…. SHE’S GROWN! She’s not a high school-er anymore! We can actually have intelligent conversation and spend time together without any major questions like “can I drive?”, “why can’t I drive?” and “FINE THEN! can you take me?” She is easy; she drives AND does her own laundry! Poor Weezy has mono right now though she has slept for an entire 10 days. I’ve been worried out of my mind that she’ll dehydrate.

When I came home tonight Kid1’s car was MIA and I freaked! Let me repeat HE HAS NO LISCENCE! I was irritated and texted him…. Which seems like a good idea but then again I’m not sure a kid with no license should be texting while driving… (And let’s not get into the texting while driving debate ok?) So I called him and he didn’t pick up…. So I went looking for him and while I was looking he called and reassured me that HE wasn’t driving his car, his friend was…. OH…. YAY, thrilling! Some other teenager was driving my son’s car…what a relief- NOT.

This morning my sweet girl, Kid2 flew to Colorado to visit her BFF. She was so excited, I was so nervous. I tried to pretend not to be nervous until she forced me into admitting it and then I did the nervous laugh…. Dang teens! She called from Denver asking if she should let a TOTAL STRANGER who had offered her money to check his email borrow her MAC….? REALLY? Not so much!

Right this very minute Kid3 is watching a movie downstairs with GIRLS…. In my basement.

I promise they are trying to kill me.

Can you save me? Is there anyone out there willing to dive right in and pull me out of this cesspool of teenagers.

HELP MEEEEEE………………..!!!!!