Nut in a Rut

my sweet Kid1 and the girls! :)

2011-11-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

Kid1 is an amazing big brother! He is home for all the special moments. He got up early and came home to take Kid4 to her first day of school. He comes home everyday just to hug these beautiful little girls. He has a heart of gold and I am lucky to call him mine. This sweet boy made me a mother and I thank GOD for him every day.

After we were done trick-or-treating we visited him at work. He had dressed up like another co-worker. The girls were thrilled to see him at work as always!

I love my babies!

halloween girls...

2011-11-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

OH MY GIRLS!

IM SO LUCKY!

What a special gift daughters are!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

Oh MY WORD! These kids had a blast on Halloween night! My house felt like Halloween central! We have spider man, a beautiful dancer, IVY, a soldier, a vampire, V for vendetta, and a little pink and purple vampire.

What a night! After it was all over, there were fake teeth, fake blood, capes, candy, tutu's makeup, and costume parts EVERYWHERE!

The night was GREAT! Everyone had fun, got lots of candy and made unforgettable memories! Isn't that what it's all about? Making memories? I love special holidays!

Thanks guys for an amazing night of fun! :)

BEST friends

2011-11-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Do you have a best friend? I have always had a very close best friend. I can't imagine not having best friends growing up. My best friends and I were always inseparable. I cherish the memories we made together.

My kids often share friends and I LOVE it! When one of my children bring home a friend and the other ones end up loving them too it is such a blessing. I ADORE my kids friends. If you ask them they will probably tell you that I try to kidnap them and they would not be lying! I ABSOLUTELY ADORE other peoples teenagers (and mine most of the time)!

This particular friend of my childrens (the blue one above) is absolutely precious to me. She makes our days brighter, our lives richer and stuff our hearts with joy. She drives my kids around, makes them laugh and cuddles Kid5. She is perfect I am sure of it.

Dear beautiful tiny (blue) girl, you make all our days happier. How will I ever express to you how we look forward to seeing your bright eyes every single morning? Will you ever know just how much you have touched our lives. Dear sweet sweet tiny girl you make us laugh till our sides split, warm our hearts and cause us to smile our faces off! You are amazingly smart, beautiful inside and out and make me grin on a daily basis. Thank you for being you, for being strong and for showing us true friendship. We ALL LOVE you!

Love, me :)

stabbing, skyping and falling jack o lantern faces!

2011-11-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

We SKYPED with Daddy while we carved. I'll be honest Daddy is the KING pumpkin carver and I didn't do our pumpkin justice. I prefer painting pumpkins… Hard pumpkins, sharp knives and orange guts just aren't my thing. I carved away while Daddy cringed from all the way across the world afraid he was about to witness a massacre of orange and red… I jabbed and poked and carved while daddy and Kid4 enjoyed visiting. When I was done, the ENTIRE front of the face fell OFF!!!!!

SOOO… I was a pumpkin carving failure, Daddy was the glad it was over and Kid4 tried to glue it back together… but, our night was complete… because we got to spend it with Daddy.

she's MY fairytale! :)

2011-11-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

My little princess came home with a family project in the month of October. We talked and talked about ideas… I mentioned "Where's Waldo"… she said "Who's Waldo"?. She mentioned jack sprat and I said "How"? I mentioned hello kitty and she said "my friend so and so is doing THAT one". She mentioned Little Jack Horner and I said "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" We went back to the drawing board… I knew she wanted a fairy tale and she knew I wanted something cute… we brainstormed and we decided on The Princess and the Pea!

We cut and glued and painted and …

VIOLA!

My princess and her pumpkin princess! What a fun project!

the best gift

2011-11-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

This little lamb, Kid5 has been such a blessing to us all. She is lovely in every way. Every single day I get her out of her crib she is smiling up at me ready to giggle and greet the day. Every single night she cuddles me as I put her to sleep. Every single prayer I thank God for this beautiful blessing, a gift to our family that can never be repaid. We love you gorgeous girl.

Are your burdens weighing you down?

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

Have you struggled?

Are you tired?

Do you stumble?

Do you wrestle with yourself to move forward some days?

Is your load too heavy to carry?

Think about these things…

Isaiah 40:31

“but those who hope in the LORDwill renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV)

Proverbs 23:18

“There is surely a future hope for you,

and your hope will not be cut off.” (NIV)

Psalm 31:24

“Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” (KJV)

Proverbs 16:3“Commit your works to the LORD

And your plans will be established.” (NASB)

Give it to God friends, give it to God and he will take it.

My sweet babies!

2011-11-08T19:38:00.004-05:00

OH MY GOODNESS!

I haven't blogged in a month!

Have you ever met a REALLY REALLY sweet boy? I fear that boys get bad reputations from the "bad boy" type, but the thing is, boys can be THE SWEETEST! I own one of those super duper sweet boys and his name is Kid3… not really, he has a real name! My kid3 is so kind hearted. I have often said if I could have had twins I would have picked Kid3 to be a double because he is literally lovely to be around 90% of the time.

I encourage you to look at your boys, your nephews, your friends and seek out their kindness. Expect boys to be kind and sweet and they may surprise you. YES! They can be messy, rude and loud but they can also be kind, understanding and good listeners. Expect the best from the boys in your life and you just might be amazed at what emerges.

My sweet boy loves to love on his baby sister… isn't he a sweet thing? ;)

Happy Birthday United States NAVY

2011-10-13T17:05:00.008-04:00

My sailor :) (survivor of our 5 children)

My Grandpa (USS Drexler survivor)

If I had only known how influential the US Navy was going to be in my life I may have been a little bit easier about the bell bottom uniforms and UGLY pale blue works shirt those handsome sailors wore when I was a teenager. If I had only known that the US Navy would play such a HUGE role in my life I might have listened closer to my Grandaddy's old sea stories. I wish I would have listened closer, I wish I would have paid closer attention, I wish, I wish, I wish…

I could have never imagined that the Navy would have played such an important and wonderful role in my life. I could never have known that while gazing at my handsome Grandaddy as a young sailor on that picture wall of fame that I would one day marry a sailor. I could never imagine that while being nestled into my Grandpa's lap intently watching him organize reunions for the survivors of the USS Drexler that one day I would be anxiously awaiting the arrival of my own sailor after a long deployment.

Happy Birthday Dear Old United States Navy! Happy Birthday dear old friend! WOW, 236 years and counting! Thank you for your service, for your history and for all your amazing sea stories. I can't wait to hear a thousand more…

Thanking GOD...

2011-10-13T08:01:00.001-04:00

I saw this on a friend of mine's facebook the other day and I have thought about it ever since. I have been praying diligently with Kid4 over so many things so that she may have peace about her Daddy, school, friends and so many other things that plague her little restless soul. I spend so much time listing things that we are thankful for that I often forget to ask God for help for the things we are struggling with. Sometimes after I say "Amen" she adds "...and help me to not have bad dreams…"

What do YOU thank God for every day? I ALWAYS thank God for my kids, their friends, for Batgirl and her family OF COURSE! I ALWAYS thank God for my home, our safety, happiness and the fact that we are free. I was thinking the other day after I read this about only waking up to what I had thanked God for… REALLY think about that…!

I adjusted my prayers a bit tonight! :)

Thank YOU GOD for everything! I love you.

fall in love with sisters...

2011-10-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

Every day I FALL in love with my girls all over again.

Every morning I FALL in love with those little giggly smiles and bright eyes.

Every afternoon I FALL in love with the snuggles I get from a sleepy baby.

Every day after school I FALL in love with the pounding of feet running in the door from the bus after a long day of school.

Every evening I FALL in love with the singing and cooing that silly babies do as they learn to talk and communicate.

Every twilight I FALL in love with the jabbering and stories about life from my favorite school girl.

Every sunset I FALL in love with the splashing girls at bath time as they play and giggle and just be sisters.

Every nightfall I thank my GOD for giving me little girls to be thankful for and FALL in love with over and over everyday.

I heart teenagers!

2011-10-10T08:00:00.002-04:00

This is what my kitchen looks like on any given weekend (and some weekdays).

What do you see when you look at this picture? Do you see just teenagers? Do you see loud noises, your food budget flying out the window and music so loud your ears are bleeding?

I absolutely love teenagers! I see happiness and pure joy, I hear laughing and developing humor. I hear how they express themselves through music. Have you ever really listened to what they are listening too? It's really not THAT bad. Teenagers are really the kindest, most soft hearted humans alive. They are in between jaded adulthood and immature childhood, which is the best place to be if you ask me. Teenagers are amazing listeners, terribly creative and truly kind hearted. They can have an amazing night of fun with 10 dollars in change and make memories that will certainly last a lifetime!

I love it when my house is full of teenagers, their off colored jokes and their amazing plans to pass the time, have a little fun or just do nothing at all but laugh like crazy.

I am blessed beyond belief to be surrounded by brilliant, beautiful, astounding teens and I love them each for different and unique reasons. I cherish the teens in my life more than they will ever know.

I love you all, thanks for making every day and most nights brighter, more fun and memorable! :)

my crazy girl… :)

2011-10-08T08:00:00.002-04:00

Your Family

Your family must love you, no matter what.
Even if you often behave like a nut.
They don’t care if you’re lazy or if you swear.
They love you because you are theirs.

You can’t chose the family you’re born in, it’s true.
Sometimes the fit may feel quite askew.
But you have more in common with them than you know.
They’ve shaped your life much like bread’s shaped from dough.

They next time you feel like disowning them,
Take a moment to ponder before you condemn.
Without your family, you’d be more alone.
They’re the only family you’ve known.

by Angela Rose

(http://www.veryfunnypoems.com/funny-family-poems.html)

count your blessings...

2011-10-06T23:59:00.003-04:00

Im SO blessed to wake up to this teensy-weensy blue-eyed beauty every single morning. My beautiful kid5 you are the smiliest, giggliest, loveliest little baby girl EVER! Every morning you wake me up with a smile and I can't believe your mine to adore forever! I was thinking about an old song I use to sing in church when I was a little girl and it put some things into perspective that I have been struggling with lately …

… count your blessings name them one by one,

count your blessings, see what God has done….

When I count my blessings I can't even begin to list them, as I start counting, a smile creeps onto my face because I am immersed in many wonderful blessings. Lately as life has gotten hard and way too complicated to sort out myself I am learning to give the hard parts over to God and COUNT MY BLESSINGS one by one by thanking him for each of them. Kid5 is our newest blessing and what a special gift from God she is.

I am learning that it is better to spend time counting your blessings than doing anything else. When your struggling, thank God for what you DO have, take note of the special blessings in your life, your friends and family. Hold on to the blessings you have as they may not hold on to you as tightly as you would like them too.

Count you blessings,

name them one by one.

Count your blessings,

see what God has done….

Try it my friends, you might be surprised!

She is of pure heart and mind...

2011-10-05T21:08:00.004-04:00

Dear beautiful girl of mine,

I love a million things about you, but one of my very favorite things is how you are smitten by all animals. I absolutely adore how it doesn't matter how many years we have been away from these sweet horses you always remember what you named them the very first time you met them. (Allison and Brittany- remember THIS BLOG) . I love how you want to gently pet every single dog never missing one stroke, even the GIANT, KNARLY slobbery ones! I love how you are positive that every single fluffy kitten has a lovely soft mommy to cuddle and how every wonderful bird has a warm cozy nest to call home.

I love how your mind and your heart are connected, that is such a rare quality in a person now days. When you love someone or something you are devoted with your heart and your mind; my darling girl that is so few and far between in this world.

You my sweetheart are such a rare gem to be admired and enjoyed. Most days I feel like the luckiest mom in the world to have you, your literalness, your pure view of the world and humans. You call it like it is and always believe in the best. I can't imagine life without you and I am positive that God gave you to Daddy and I at a time that we needed you most. You are our treasure darling and I hope to never let you forget how truly adored you are.

I'll love you forever and ever and ever….

Love,

Momma

pick me! pick me! pick me! pick me! pick me! :(

2011-10-04T00:00:00.003-04:00

Have you ever felt like this before?

Have you ever felt like every word you were saying no matter what it actually was, was coming out "PICK ME, PICK ME"? Have you ever felt so desperate to be chosen that you felt like your heart was literally reaching out of your chest towards another human being and grasping desperately towards their heart but just out of reach? Have you ever felt yourself begging but you couldn't stop because it was actually your heart and not your head?

I have found myself begging lately, begging for things I wouldn't in a million years believe I would be begging for. I have found myself begging my children to be forgiving, to look into someones heart with compassion instead of judgment. I find myself begging MYSELF to be stronger than any woman should have to be and to stand taller than I am. I find myself begging my boys to be men when they should be allowed to be boys. I find myself begging God for more peace than should be allowed one person. I find myself begging MYSELF to let go while still holding on to all my shattered dreams. I find myself promising my daughters a future I am just not sure about.

I hear myself shouting out "PICK ME, PICK ME" more than I care to admit and I hate it but I can't seem to find the strength to stop even though I know I sound pathetic.

When you hear your own voice shouting "PICK ME, PICK ME" maybe you can give yourself a break and remind your heart that you have already been picked. You might not be picked by someone on this earth but God picked you. Maybe you when your desperate and you can't stop yourself from begging, maybe when your heart is reaching for anothers heart and they won't reach back you can remind yourself that God has already reached out to you. He promises to protect your heart especially when you're hurting and dying inside.

Remember-

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

famous last words...

2011-09-25T22:27:00.004-04:00

What if this were the last moment you ever had with her, the last time you could speak to her, write to her, hug her, hold her? What would YOU say? Would you take that time for granted? A selfish man would… a selfish man take it all for granted, confident it would always be there when he's ready. What if you treated your children like every moment WAS the last moment? What if you spoke to them with great care, listened like you were hanging on every word and couldn't wait for next minute you could spend with him/ her? Can you imagine emailing your kids on your spare time, writing them little notes, letting them know you love them? Can you imagine the impact it would have on their self esteems, their lives? Taking time for granted is inexcusable to me. You'll have all the time in the world when your kids are gone, when your asleep, when they are in bed and when your at work…

"I'll probably always want some time to myself…"

Don't you hear parents say the words "time to myself" SO OFTEN and giggle to yourself because you know that once you have children the "time to yourself" changes in so many wild and wonderful ways. I think it's different for moms and dads but there is certainly always a part of us that enjoys a little "time" to ourselves every so often.

Time for me changed when I had kids but time has changed maybe thousands of times since my kids have grown up. When they were tiny I just wanted a minute to myself to breathe, maybe take a nap but a neighbor of mine lost her baby boy in a car accident, she watched him bleed to death in her rear view mirror and could do nothing to save him. Time changed for me then, I was less selfish with my time and happier to be up at night nursing my Kid3 who was the same age as that precious little baby boy she would never see again. Somehow I didn't feel quite so tired. As my children grew I craved quiet and wished I could have a little time to myself without their voices and my nephew was hit by a car while crossing a highway and now we'll never hear his voice again. Time changed for me then and I was more thankful to hear the chatter of my adolescent childrens voices even when they were bickering at each other, at least I had them to listen to while my brother listened to silence. As they grew even older and they have become teenagers I have begged for a moment of "time to myself" just so I could have some quiet in my head and when I knelt that day over my Kid2 after she had been in a terrible car accident I thanked God that I wasn't getting the "time to myself" that I had so adamantly begged for. As I watched her being strapped to the gurney and wheeled into an ambulance that day while not knowing the extent of her injuries I found myself begging God for more time to hear her voice chattering on and on and "TIME TO MYSELF" seemed to come into perspective once again.

"I'll probably always want some time to myself" ~ famous last words of a selfish man

……silence…...

2011-09-16T23:13:00.003-04:00

Have you ever been faceless, speechless, powerless? Have you ever felt like your words were taken straight from your brain and scrambled right before your eyes? Do you ever feel a little crazy, maybe because someone else has caused you to feel a little crazy? Sometimes I have felt powerless. Sometimes I have felt speechless. Sometimes I have felt useless and worthless. Does everyone feel useless, worthless and crazy sometimes? I don't know, I have only walked in my shoes. Somedays I don't know much but I do know this-

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

IS the GRASS GREENER? ( Is it? ) re-post

2011-09-14T20:21:00.001-04:00

Have you ever asked yourself if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?

Have you ever asked yourself why the grass might be greener on the other side of that fence?

I have your answer!

YES! YES it is definitely greener. The grass is greener because you haven’t walked there yet my friend. Once you walk on that grass, it’s NOT as green, YOU HAVE WALKED on it!

I understand that there is the temptation of hopping that fence and trying out that beautiful plush green green grass. I beg of you, don’t do it! Don’t hop the fence, don’t try the grass. Remember when your mom told you “once you’ve done it, you can’t go back”? It’s true… once you have tried out the grass on the other side of the fence, you can’t go back completely. Yes, it’s true, you can hop back over and start again, but it won’t be the same.

You have to keep up your own grass! You have to stay on your side of the fence and you have to take care of it. If you don’t mow your own grass, who will? If you don’t plant flowers and make your own grass beautiful who will?

Are you getting the metaphor?

Might the grass be your marriage? A friendship perhaps? The relationship with your children? Your personal goals? Grass requires a lot of maintenance and it’s your responsibility to keep it up. You are suppose to groom your own marriage, take care of your wonderful friends, pay attention to your beautiful children and force yourself to set and keep goals.

Good luck grooming!

WHERE have my rose colored glasses gone…?

2011-09-12T08:00:00.001-04:00

Do you know what it feels like to believe with all that you are in someone else? Do you know what it feels like to give your whole heart to someone and love them with all that you have in you only to find out that they are not who they say they are? Have you ever felt tricked, abused and lied too? Have you ever seen someone FINALLY for who they really are and felt crushed, like the wind has been knocked out of you? It's a surreal feeling really, like you have been knocked on your back and the world goes on around you but you can't quite get your breathe enough to stand. I keep taking deep breaths, I keep watching the world go by, I keep waking up to the same thing every day wishing this was all a dream but it's not. I find myself sitting for hours thinking about how it all happened, when it began and when I started pretending it was all okay… I wonder when I let it all go too far… I wonder when I loved too much and when I lost myself. I wonder how I let it all go so far, so wrong. Have you ever believed someone is something they are not?

I did. And I wish with all my might, and I pray with all my might that I could put my rose colored glasses back on and that I still believed it. I would take it all back in a second, but now my eyes have seen the truth.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

9/11 (repost from 2009)

2011-09-11T23:36:00.002-04:00

So many have blogged about 9/11 and I wasn't going to because I wasn't sure I could write it, but I can summarize it and it IS important to "never forget".

8 years ago we lived in Colorado Springs and it seemed as if our lives were falling apart right before our very eyes. We tried desperatly to hold onto things near and dear to us and they were slipping away, right through our fingers, right before our very eyes and there was little we could do about it.

We shared a very small house with Mormon missionaries, they had their own little part of the house- and no, we're not Mormon. It was just one of those "different" kind of living arrangements. We ended up loving the "boys" as we called them. We never converted but we we're so close to many of the "boys".

Tuesday, September 11th was not a normal day at our house, I was home sick and had just delivered the kids to school. I went home and turned on the ol' boob tube and was shocked to say the least. It was smoke and fire and pure chaos- you remember I just know you do. It took me a minute to process that this was happening in OUR country, MY America. I quickly called Mr. B. who was commuting to Denver at the time. When I reached him in his office, I told him. I told him about the horror, and do you want to know what he said to me? "Honey you must be watching a movie, or mistaken." I was a little perturbed to say the least. I said to him "Why don't you turn on a T.V. and call me back"

While I waited for him to call me back, I went to get the missionaries. I can remember just what I said "Bowman, I know your not allowed to watch TV during your mission but you HAVE to see this, you HAVE to know whats going on" We sat and watched the Television together, cried and waited for Mr. B. to call.

He called back horrified, I was crying, he was in shock. A co-workers daughter was in New York at the time touring and he was terrified for her. I told Mr. B. that I just wanted to go get the kids and lock us all in the house all day long, maybe forever. Just then they were evacuating all the tall buildings in Denver. The last thing he said to me was "GO! get them- bring them home, Im on my way".

I rushed to school where I checked my babies out in a line of silent parents, standing there with tear stained faces, in shock, not knowing what tomorrow held, only knowing we wanted our children and we wanted to be home. I was terrifed and numb.

There were days and days and days of numb terror, I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't ever want to take my kids to school, I didnt ever want to do anything but sit on my couch and sob for my country, for those who lost their lives and those who fought for freedom- I was petrified. It was hard for me to go out after that. It took some time for me to go out after that day, time for me to go to Denver near tall buildings, time for me to feel comfortable dropping my kids off at school again.

Time helps you to be able to get back to your life, but it never heals all wounds- it can't. Time isn't meant to erase, to forget, it's meants to give peace, to HELP heal.

9/11- Don't EVER forget, but do allow peace to creep into your heart.

chaos

2011-08-31T09:46:00.003-04:00

My life feels a little chaotic right now.

Does this ever happen to you?

Im trying to breathe and remember that this too shall pass.

Im trying to buckle down and remember whats important.

Im trying to hold on to my babies.

I've asked so many around me to be patient with me while I keep my head above water.

Life can be such a struggle …

The graduate, a fantasy and one dream at a time...

2011-08-30T07:00:00.004-04:00

You think it will be easy… the kid is born, you feed him, you diaper him, you play with him, you send him to school and VILOA one day he graduates and goes off to college… RIGHT?

WRONG!

That’s right! I’m telling you THIS MINUTE that all those car commercials are DEAD WRONG! Will some of your kids do that? Yes, yes… I’m sure some of you lucky parents out there will have some kids that will zip along through life and just be easy as pie. They will give you no grief and just skip along through school, drive off safely to college and THANK GOD for you because THIS IS NOT what has happened in our house.

Kid1 has not skated though much in his life. If I would have known that his first of day of kinder would be indicative of every single day of school until graduation I probably would have bought a house boat and moved to Fiji! I would have never guessed that the begging and crying would turn into begging and crying all through elementary, faking sick through junior high and then skipping in high school… :/

Onto the graduation-

He graduated. Kid1 walked across the stage that night with his graduation cap and gown on, not only did I feel like the blood left my body with an overcoming sense of relief I also felt overwhelmed with so many emotions.

He did it.

I did it.

We did it.

His father missed it.

I felt like he and I were the only two people in that big room that night.

How did this baby my first baby grow up so fast?

It seemed like yesterday that I was holding him on the steps of kindergarten while he sobbed and begged not to go. It seemed like yesterday that I was promising him that he would be okay if he just gave it a chance. It seemed like yesterday he was just a little tiny thing. How could he have grown so big? How was he on the verge of being a man?

I stood there almost afraid to blink, almost afraid to move fearing that if I did this would either all be a dream and all that we had worked so hard for would be untrue or he would be standing before me as a 30 year old man with a family…

My baby, My son, you made me a mother and I have said this to you so many times, I love you like crazy. There is no way to describe how it feels to see your first baby for the first time. I was so young, I was so scared but so calm. My son, you and I have something that is rare. You and I understand one another on a very deep level. I pray for you daily and want so badly for you to live life to the fullest and learn the valuable lessons that life has to offer you. I love you, I’m proud of you. Congratulations on quite an accomplishment. You are certainly ONE OF A KIND!

I love you,

Mom

even dogs...

2011-08-29T07:35:00.002-04:00

Kid4 used stickers to tape this flag to our porch this weekend and when we asked her why she had put it there she responded:

"Because EVEN DOGS should worship America!"

We laughed because she always says the most profound things. I laughed, I smiled, I chuckled and I walked away and hoped that flag would stay there for a very long time because it meant something more to me than just a flag, a little girl and her dog, knowing though that someday it would fall. It spoke to me differently. She is right, everyone needs something, someone to adore. Now I doubt that our dog Max will worship, adore or admire this simple flag or even realize that he lives in a free country but so far every time that I have walked on to the porch I have teared up with pride and a little sadness knowing that I live in a free country, knowing that my husband is fighting for a free country and knowing that some things that I adore and admire I will gain and lose through no control of my own but I think thats all part of being truly free.

Freedom isn't free.

Little girls thoughts ARE free.

Love isn't free.

Welcome to the world baby girl

2011-08-26T09:22:00.003-04:00

Kid5 was born May 15th at 10am and we were instantly in LOVE.

Of course we have a lovely and long adoption story and I will share parts of it but for now I just want to share her beauty and how we adore her.

The big kids are completely over the moon for her. They rush to her side if she fusses, the girls are dying for her to wake up in the morning. Kid4 feels like she has D.I.E.D. and gone to heaven having a baby sister.

Kid5 is a cuddly, lovely, blue eyed beauty. We feel like the luckiest family in the world. We are blessed beyond belief to have been given the gift of this beautiful baby girl to raise, nurture and adore forever and ever.

Welcome to OUR world baby girl.

what have I been up too?

2011-08-25T14:40:00.004-04:00

I'm not really sure I can list all the things that I have done this summer but I sure as heck will try to tell you. I can promise you that we had a fun and SERIOUSLY interesting summer. I can also promise you that you WILL NOT believe our adventures, our stories and the memories we made. I should probably start with the fact that we adopted kid 5 in May before summer even started…

ARE. YOU. SHOCKED. ???

We are so excited.

Her story will follow shortly…

Adoption, travels to Louisiana, growing up boys, moving out kids, tales of swimming, fishing, crabbing, and bad car accidents… this summer was an adventure with tales to tell, experiences to share… laughs, cries and probably some yawns. I'll try to catch you up on our world over the next few weeks.

I've missed blogging thats for sure! :)

HaPpY bIrThDaY young-old man!

2011-08-05T18:17:00.005-04:00

Often my children bring me to my knees. Sometimes in an amazing way and sometimes I'm brought to my knees in horror, if you have children, you know this feeling well. Nineteen years ago today at 6:15 in the morning I was truly brought to my knees when my first son, my first love, the one who would teach me to be a mother was born.

That very minute, 6:15 am I couldn't have known just how profound he would be, the things he would teach me, the deep conversations we would have about life, love and God. That very hour that early morning hour I could have never guessed that he would lead me through the most beautiful and meaningful times of my life.

As I watched the nurses bathe him and wipe him clean his big blue eyes opened and shut staring wide at me. I had no idea that this little boy would be my strength, literally my breath through some of the hardest times of my life.

My oldest son is a big brother to MANY, a cherished friend to tons, but most of all he's my boy, my NINETEEN year OLD baby boy who I adore even though I don't tell him enough, even though I often parent him through sheer fear and make mistakes every single day because every day of his life I have fumbled through trying to make the best choices possible, begging God to show me whats right for him.

Happy Birthday Kid ONE, I ADORE you my boy, theres just no way I could ever tell you enough, I know we've had such a hard time lately, I hope I'm making the right choices for you. I'm on my knees son praying that I'm doing the right things. I love you so much, I want the best for you. YOU are my first child, you and I taught each other so much. I feel so blessed that God chose you for me.

I love you my boy. Happy nineteenth birthday.

Love, Mom

2011-07-19T02:17:00.004-04:00

sometimes raising kids feels like building your foundation on sand. Did you ever sing that song in church? "The wise man built his house upon a rock… the foolish man built his house upon the sand…."

Somedays, some nights I feel like I built my foundation on sand. Do you ever just feel like your crumbling apart? Do you ever just feel like things, your house, your kids, your life is just slowly slipping away and like a sand through an hour glass and there isn't a single thing you can do about it?

Are your kids ever just so disrespectful that it shocks you? Do they ever speak to you so disrespectfully that it takes your breath away and makes you want to cry inside? Are there ever times when you can't believe those little sweet baby mouths could speak to you with such disrespect? Is it shocking? Is it sad? Does it bring you to your knees? Kids can leave you speechless can't they?

Does life ever take it all from you some days? Leave you spinning inside? Leave you wondering how tomorrow could be any worse? Does life ever leave you breathless, lifeless, limp? Does a hard day leave you feeling exhausted and worthless sometimes? It does me. Sometimes I think I can't take another night, another step, another breathe. Life can sock you in the gut sometimes.

As that sand runs out, as those kids wear you down, as life takes your last breath what do you do to survive? Do you pray? Do you take a walk? Do you meditate? Do you take a minute to breath?

Tonight one of my kids took the very last breath I had and disrespected me. She hurt for the last time today. She made me feel stupid and worthless. She hurt my heart and embarrassed me. I couldn't tell her because these aren't things you tell kids. Sometimes she makes me feel like stupidest person in the world, not worth talking to, not worth respecting. She is very hard to respect as she doesn't like to give respect. She forgets I am also just a human, a woman, a soft hearted mother. She often hurts my feelings and goes on like it's nothing. She's been hard to raise but strong and wonderful too. Theres no way for her to know my adoration for her. Theres no way for her to know how I would die for her. There no way for her to know how I preserve her pride by backing down instead of embarrassing her like I probably should. Theres no way for her to understand that I give her respect even though she doesn't deserve it. She's a very stubborn girl, I like her that way. I raised her that way.

I have to remind myself that a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing… a strong girl is a good thing…. say it with me…. strong girl good thing. strong girl good thing…. strong girl good thing…….

your welcome to pray for me anyway... or take her off my hands…. ;)

mageddon

2011-07-17T03:53:00.003-04:00

This whole "carmageddon" thing has me thinking…

have you ever experienced a "Mageddon" of your own? Like you know when you have travelled for weeks and you unpack the car into your house and somehow as you unpack your vacation paraphernalia multiplies from one bag each into thousands? And you have vacationMageddon on your hands!

Or when you agree to a sleepover and at 3 am your daughters friends somehow turn from four to twenty or what may be one-hundred, there are no more snacks, glasses, sink space, bathroom counter space or floor space left in the house and what you have here is sleepoverMageddon!

Think back about how you felt when you offered to do someone you barely knew a favor like watch their house just to be nice but you didn't realize that they had 47 cats and one small litter box. Remember when you offered to cook your neighbors dinner but their family of 17.9 was there visiting and your stove quit working but you did it anyway because you COULD NOT SAY NO? yeah…… thats suckerMageddon!

When my kids were all little at once and had to be at three different schools at 8 am, that was momMageddon, and I miss those days because the teenMageddon I am not enjoying quite as much since the nothavingcontrolMageddon is not nearly as much fun as the babyMegaddon and the zombieMageddon from the nosleepMageddon due to newbornMageddon.

The bottom line is I think there will always be some sort of "Mageddon" in your life. I mean lets be honest here from newbornMageddon to teenageMageddon to collegeMageddon to engagedMageddon to grandparentMageddon… theres always some sort of "Mageddon". The key is how we deal with it.

So….

breatheMageddon

staycalmMageddon

prayMageddon

hopeMageddon

and

goodluckMageddon :)

learnin' to ride...

2011-07-15T01:59:00.004-04:00

Tonight Im thinking that raising kids is kind of like teaching them to ride bikes. There are 3 types- or at least in my house there are 3 types.

Type 1 you can never let go of or they WILL certainly fall, it seems they are always looking back for you. You know the ones that cling to you on the first day of school, the ones who hold on tightly, who aren't excited to spend the night with their friends? You know the ones who expect that you will always save them? Type 1 will break your heart because as you try to let go he will cling to you and if you let him hold on it will only hurt him in the end when it's time for him to be a grown up. Type 1 kids usually have a heart of gold.

Type 2 kids are always running ahead of you. As you try to hold onto the back of those bicycles they are riding away from you, you are running behind just to keep up trying to convince yourself that YOU are actually helping… but you know deep down that they are doing it themselves. Type 2 kids are so independent. They are bursting into the doors of school, eager to learn and begging to spend the night away from home. You cringe in pain worrying sick that something will happen to them because you can barely keep up to keep an eye on them. These little Type 2's will be the apple of your eye but my goodness it's hard to hold them back sometimes. They want to grow too fast!

Type 3 kids are okay with whatever happens. They will ride their bike if you want them too and if you are ready to help them, but they are fine to wait until YOU are ready. These kids will do whatever, whenever at your pace and you can finally breathe again. They will let you walk, run or skip behind the bike- HECK they'll let YOU ride the bike if you want too! Type 3 kids will go to school if you want them to and go with a smile, but they are happy to stay home too. My type 3 kid is secretly stubborn as a mule but is the light of my life. This kid has been a joy since he was born.

So far… my kids are repeating these patterns… we'll see what happens… It's an odd thing to watch kids grow. It's heart breaking, heart filling. It's wonderful, magical and horrible all at the same time.

Tonight my heart is breaking in two as I am having to teach some really hard lessons to one of my babies. I hope he understands one day how I love him. I hope he can forgive my parenting and know that being stern and strict is in his best interest. I hope he can truly know how I adore him, how I have lived for him and how I spent hours and hours praying over him as a small child. Now that he's grown he has to fly.

Good luck my baby… I'll always be your momma bird if you need me.

HELP!

2011-07-13T00:41:00.003-04:00

My friends, my niece Audrey Bullington has been missing for over 10 days. Our family is worried sick about her. Please keep your eyes open for her. We are begging Audrey to go home tonight or to please let someone know she is safe.

Missing: Anyone with information leading to the location of Audrey Bullington , age 16, please notify the Springfield MO police department 417-864-1810.

2011-06-21T14:19:00.001-04:00

Were summering and contemplating life… hows your summer?

two roads…

2011-06-09T15:14:00.003-04:00

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20
I love this poem.. I always have. It speaks to me. I have been afraid so many times over the years that I have not taken the right path… neither one has ever seemed clear to me...

weird things….

2011-06-04T12:37:00.000-04:00

...

2011-05-30T05:00:00.000-04:00

In Flanders Fields

John McCrae, 1915.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

drastic measures!

2011-05-27T07:00:00.001-04:00

Do you ever feel like you have to take drastic measures? For instance in my house I have a regular pantry in my kitchen and I have a snack pantry in my closet because if I have the school lunch stuff out in the open THE KIDS WILL EAT IT ALL and when I make lunches there will be no food left… so I keep the school food and the food I don't want inhaled in my closet in a special pantry- DRASTIC, I know.

My girls have their own heating and cooling unit upstairs and kept turning UP and DOWN the heat all winter and it was driving me crazy, not to mention my electricity bill was ridiculous. Neither Kid2 or Kid4 will take responsibility for it and one morning after it had warmed up I went upstairs and the air was turned to SIXTY DEGREES and THAT WAS IT! I knew what I had to do.

Believe it or not neither of my girls have said one word about it. I think they both just pretend it isn't there… I love my girls!

what are little girls made of….

2011-05-26T07:00:00.001-04:00

Sugar and spice and everything nice?

I beg to differ!

P.R.O.M.

2011-05-25T07:00:00.001-04:00

I didn't blog about PROM like I should have because it was like admitting my kids were grown. When I took these pics of my son I had to blink back tears because this is IT. He's gone after this. This was his one event as a high schooler. He was never interested in prom before. Can you imagine how I will be at graduation? I stood there behind the lens and it was like his life flashed before my eyes. I know I have said this before but it really happens. It's like he grows up all over again right there in front of me and I can't believe it. I love his sweet girlfriend, the way she looks at him is priceless. I wanted to take so many more pictures but I just couldn't. It was so hard. The truth is all I could hear was the camera snapping so loudly. I couldn't even hear anyone talking around me. I could barely make out what was going on around me. I was trying so hard to just push the button. More than anything I wanted to rewind time and watch him run to me and hear him call me momma (although really he still does) I wanted to hear him ask for juice instead of gas money… Time has stolen him from me… but doesn't he look amazing? And isn't his girl a doll?

I have thanked my lucky stars for this beauty from the day she was born and I am so thankful that I have another year with her! I often blog about how amazing she is. I had an easier time taking pictures of her because thank goodness I have more time with her. Next year though I will be a blubbering mess … in fact I might just have to hire a photographer because there is simply no way I will be able to hold it together to take pics of this lovely girl! She fell in love with this dress and MANY others along the way! I think this one suited her spicy personality though and I LOVED it on her! I love having Kid1 and 2 close together and I love that they went to prom with friends. She went with a good friend of his because her boyfriend (who just happens to be the sweetest person on earth) lives out of state. They all had a great time. My kids are good kids and I knew they would be safe and sober prom night, which is a relief!

Prom for ME was a night of growing up kids, beautiful dresses and deep deep thoughts. My kids are growing/grown up. It's hard to let them go. I watched them for a few minutes at the Senior walkout and just watched Kid1 be a child one last time. He mingled with his friends, talked like a high school child would, threw his head back and laughed one last time in high school, one last time as a carefree kid…. one last time to be a child at a high school dance… it was hard. I wonder what he thought.

whats in a name?

2011-05-24T07:00:00.005-04:00

This is an OLD pic of those kids I named ;)

My love for names started in the aisles of a toy store looking into that well known green box. Xavier Roberts started my passion for naming babies and it took off from there. I spent hours reading cabbage patch doll names. And for as long as my mom would let me stand in the doll aisle I would . I read every single one of them. Some of the names would make me cringe and some of them would cause me to clutch my chest with joy, oh how I love a good name. I would spend the rest of the day naming my babies in my head. I use to want to name my baby boy Benjamin (anyone who knew my when I was young knows that I had a crazy ridiculous crush on a boy back then and I named my cabbage doll twins Benjamin and Kenjamin ((don't ask)) ANYWAY…. thank you Xavier Roberts for sparking my love of names…. and inspiring me to look deeper than Thelma and Louise when it came to naming my babies….

Why did you chose your children's name? Children's names are hard to choose! I chose my childrens names for various reasons. One of the kids is names after his father and after a famous actor. One of the kids I named after a gender neutral name I didn't care what he was, I just loved the name and his middle name is after my dad. One of the girls is named after a famous model, I love her and she is a timeless beauty and also after my sister. We also named one of them after my hot doctor - hey I was a young mom! One of the girls is named after my Great grandma and a dear family friend. I love choosing names for my children. It's so challenging and so wonderful. A name is a first impression, a life long commitment, it's often how people judge you. I love to hear people's names.

Plus when I heard my dad wanted to name me Roseanne I felt inspired to work hard for my kids to have good names!

THANK YOU VERY LITTLE DADDY!

my kids, personalities and bullies.

2011-05-23T12:28:00.004-04:00

I was thinking about my kids personalities today and how different they are. I found a little note tucked away in Kid4's room the other day when I was cleaning it and it said "Dear Hannah, (a girl from school) will you please please be a little nicer to me, you are hurting my feelings. " I teared up when I read it because I hate the thought of anyone being mean to my little goose and I know she is a little different.

Kid4 is more of a scholar, more of a thinker type. She is a free thinker. She doesn't think like the other girls, she doesn't play beauty shop and pretend to bake. She actually bakes, she would rather do math, paint giant paintings in the driveway than be tucked in her room. She is me. When I realized she was me, my heart went out to her. Being me wasn't easy... but I like me. We have a different song in our head than others do, I knew she would be misunderstood by many.

I absolutely love to listen to her chatter, read her writing, look at her drawings. I understand her deeply. She is profound in so many ways. This morning I was thinking about her and about Hannah. She and Hannah use to be friends, Hannah is the cheerleader kind of a girl. Kid4 is the math club kind of a girl, but she would also like to be the cheerleader kind of a girl.

My kid2 was not the cheerleader kind of a girl either but the difference was she didn't want to be. If someone made fun of her for not being a cheerleader or made her feel like she should be she might just have punched them in the mouth for it. Kid4 will come home crying, I just know it. She isn't tough like Kid2. Kid2 never cared once what people thought of her, she was so strong and Kid4 is as sensitive as a child can be.

My big kids are very protective of Kid4 and unfortunately somehow when I wasn't looking they formed a gang… and one day if a cheerleading team is mean to Kid4 I fear for them because their mascot is SO looking at a crotchless uniform and the girls are SO looking at pom-less pom-poms!

Anyway I was just thinking about her, and about kids being mean and about personalities and how different my kids personalities are. Aren't kids amazing? I cherish my kids so much. I love each of them differently, yet each of them tremendously. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have each and every one of them.

My babies are such a gift. ;)

2011-05-14T01:51:00.003-04:00

My little goosey makes me smile every single day!

I am SO lucky to call her my daughter!

I love my goosey pie.

I promise I'll start blogging again shortly.

Life is busy.

Oh' so wonderfully busy.

I miss you all!

I have writers block but...

2011-05-06T00:49:00.002-04:00

LOOK HOW THESE TWO HAVE GROWN!!!

prom

2011-05-01T10:25:00.002-04:00

PROM was hectic.

I'll write more tomorrow.

I felt a little more sad than I realized I would.

My kids are growing faster than Im ready for…

I think my baby may be grown.

...

2011-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

praying for ALABAMA THE BEAUTIFUL

a re-post of my favorite picture! :)

2011-04-29T07:00:00.000-04:00

This will always be one of my all time favorite pictures of my goosey pie!

I absolutely love this self portrait!

charm. beauty. expression.

2011-04-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

We started our girls only morning in New Orleans with beignets and coffee! It was an almost perfect morning… (I actually hit a VERY SMALL car in the parking lot with my not so small truck and well…. I'll just blog about that little inci-DENT later). The girls and I had not had beignets yet and we loved them. They were so good and a great way to start a day in a charming colorful city. And what a day we had ahead of us!

We walked and walked and WALKED… we saw SO much culture, heard so much music, tasted so many wonderful flavors. We enjoyed every second of this wondrous city.

I really can't say enough about the art here. It's so free, so expressive. I've seen it three times now and all three times it was different. The artists are different. Sometimes there are two or three of them sitting together. I really wanted to stand and listen to the air, to the conversations that went on around the artists, about the art… I just wanted to stand and listen… There never seems to be time to just stand and listen.

New Orleans has true beauty, breathtaking architecture, vivid color, pure sound, unforgettable smells, and many many tastes. I loved it, I'll go back as often as possible. I wish I had gone years ago. It's wildly charming, terribly delightful and full of colorful flavor!

My girls loved the masks!

Here we are about to try Alligator on a stick…

and to be honest it was GAH-REAT!

My lovely girls in a lovely city!

This beauty was the highlight of my day… today and every day! :)

THE most AMAZING swamp TOUR ever… I promise…

2011-04-27T07:57:00.006-04:00

Honey Island Swamp Tours was hands down one of the best things I have ever experienced while traveling! It was absolutely reasonably priced, the people were MORE than polite and helpful and I could understand EVERY SINGLE word of Captain Charlie our tour guide. He was informative, not overly or weirdly friendly (you know how a tour guide can make you feel very odd?) He was the perfect amount of friendly and factual. We absolutely loved him!

It was April and I so ignorantly thought SWMP=warm…. not so much. When the boat started moving fast SWAMP+wind=fah-reezing! The girls were dying! Capt. Charlie so kindly shared his jacket with Kid2 and a sweet little girl next to Kid4 shared her jacket with her. After we got deep into the swamp though the coldness seemed to melt away and it was like we were in another world. All of a sudden we were surrounded by a wonderland of wild Irises and orchid's. The smell of bay leaves filled the air and a cool fresh living world surrounded us. It was amazing to see how trees LIVE, actually survive in the water, how their roots are so thick and how flowers grow wild right off of them. I loved the swamps, I just couldn't get enough of them.

My cold girl in our kind Captains coat.

I could NOT believe that wild iris's grow in SWAMPS! I could have looked at these for hours! The flowers were so beautiful to me. I had no idea that swamps were such an important eco-system. The flowers in the swamps were breathtaking! Who knew such beauty existed in such a place? I thought and thought about swamps while we were on this tour and it made me re-think so many things… I think I need to look so much deeper at so many things. A swamp is not what I thought. So many things are not what I thought… There are so many things that I need to look deeper into. There is pure true beauty in simple things that I have missed by looking at only a surface or a name.

This was the first alligator spotting. SEE what you might see if you look beyond? These lily pads were AMAZING! These were the biggest lily pads I have every seen before! I love lily pads! This was such a beautiful part of the swamp to me. I thought the swamp was kind of split of into rooms.. like when you visit an old house. It was like "this is the lily pad room… this is the iris room… this is the snake room…. this is the orchid room… this is the wild rice room…" but what I loved so much about it was that it was all natural … not wall papered, not planned by a mans hand or a womans brain, natural and there because of God. It was perfect.

My girl posing with an alligator. Probably (hopefully) as close as she'll ever get!

The big guy that visited our boat. He was all about the posing for a picture!

We loved Honey Island Swamp Tours! We will definitely go back. I'd like to see the swamp in every season. Experience it at all times. Thank you Captain Charlie for your time, for your great voice and for a truly unforgettable experience that we won't soon forget!

pure- unadulterated- beauty

2011-04-26T08:02:00.005-04:00

When I thought "swamp" I pictured SHREK… yeah, yeah, yeah…. I know.

When I witnessed the swamps in Louisiana they took my breath away. I wanted to stand for hours and study every little detail, and honestly would have if it weren't for the mosquitos and the children dancing behind me being eaten alive! I couldn't look hard enough or long enough for Alligators I felt like I was IN a Where's Waldo book… but no one else agreed! I guess it was because Alligators don't wear red and white stripes- who knows?

I loved Louisiana. I loved the swamps. I could not believe the beauty! I was shocked at what grows in the swamps- hundreds of different flowers, wild rice, too many things to remember. It was breathtaking, memorable, and a place that will certainly have a special place in my heart.

I loved Louisiana more than I could express in simple words. If you have a chance to witness the beauty of a louisiana swamp… please do. Pull over, take a chance with mosquitos, take a chance with an alligator, open your mind and look beyond, look far out, as far as your eye can see and study the beauty that is Louisiana.

our next adventure...

2011-04-25T08:37:00.006-04:00

The

VERY

day

Kid4 and I got back from Chicago

we picked up Kid2, kid3 and Max and headed to New Orleans for spring break!

We were so excited and SO tired!

Bat Girl picked us up from the train station,

we headed home,

cleaned up,

repacked and headed south!

We had fantastic adventures with our dear friends in New Orleans.

One of the highlights of our trips was getting to love on our sweet Haylie!

She is Kid2's childhood friend from Mt. Perfect.

She just happened to be New Orleans for a wedding.

We met her downtown and loved on her for a few minutes!

Is she the cutest thing you have ever seen or WHAT?

I threw kid2 down on the filthy streets of New Orleans

so she could participate in a show with a street performer.

She was mortified.

Our dear friends may or may not have thought this was such a good idea.

I may or may not have thought it through before I volunteered her.

I may or may not have realized the filth before I shoved her out there.

I may or may not have taken my medication.

I may or may not think things through before I do them.

This may or may not be a blog for a different day.

anyway……...

The art in New Orleans has pure eclectic beauty.

It's expressive art, I loved it.

I saw so many pieces that I would have loved to bring home.

I could have looked all day,

I enjoyed looking at the art first and then the artist.

It's interesting to me to study the art and then the artist.

Usually the artist never looks like you think they will.

This little beauty kept getting roses thrown at her… she loved it!

She was practically lost in all the buildings,

the color, the people.

She took it all in.

She wanted to look at everything and it's just not possible.

I wish I could have read her mind.

From Chicago to New Orleans…

WHAT a change!

She was enamored by the music, the street performers, but we all were.

I wanted to ask the young street performers a million questions.

I love to pick peoples brains- there are so many things I want to know.

There are just not enough hours in the day…

We saw SO MUCH water…

I had no idea how much water was in Louisiana…

I had always wondered and I want to say "now I know"

but I don't even think I can wrap my mind around it.

We enjoyed the beauty of the water, the swamps,

the wild flowers, the fish, the way the sky touches the blue water

and the way the trees twist around…. Louisiana is truly beautiful.

Some of us were a little crabby :)

But we all had a BLAST.

We made LIFELONG friends here…

family really.

The end of this day was the beginning of amazing...

Hoppy Easter…..!

2011-04-24T12:52:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday My Weezy… I love you

2011-04-23T08:00:00.001-04:00

Dearest Weezy,

My sweet Weezy, my goodness girl, I can't even imagine a day without you! So often I think of you throughout the day and I wonder how I survived before you. To me you are so many things. You are like a daughter but also my friend. You are a beautiful being, an important beautiful part of our team. I am certain that we could no longer function properly without you. You are a big sister, a confidant, a perfect bedtime story reader.

Watching you grow this year has been an honor, a pleasure and an absolute joy. I am so honored that you chose us to share your very last teen year with. What a thrill to share a pot of coffee with you in the morning, how exciting to witness you grow and learn every day, how thrilling to share the experience of your first car….

Thank you Weezy, thank you for loving us, thank you for letting us love you. Thank you for being the free spirit that you are, thank you for being the perfectly perfect girl that you are. I adore you, I couldn't love you more. I will love you forever, mo matter where you are. No matter where life takes you, you will always be my girl.

Happy birthday my Weezy, welcome to your twenties my sweet girl. I'll love you forever!

Love "the kid collector"

last memories of Chicago...

2011-04-22T07:00:00.002-04:00

view from our room

the beautiful city

me at downtown dogs having a hot dog

Kid4 having a hot dog at downtown dogs too

Kid4 at the hershey store in Chicago

gorgeous church downtown chicago

Kid4 and I on the double decker bus touring Chicago

WE LOVE CHICAGO

traveling puppet theater

Kid4 and my mom shopping in Macy's

restaurant in Macy's

Macy's was WONDERFUL!!!

what a dream….

2011-04-21T07:00:00.002-04:00

When you were little did you dream of dolls? I did! I loved my dolls and I dreamed of being a momma someday. I use to look at a calendar and count out nine months and just know that I would never ever be able to wait that long to see my babies faces! I loved my baby dolls just like they were real babies. When I had little girls I could NOT WAIT to get them baby dolls and when I was introduced to American girl dolls I have never looked back. When we planned out trip to Chicago we planned an afternoon at the American girl doll store and picked a special doll to bring home with us.

We looked at all the beautiful dolls and enjoyed our surroundings. An American girl doll store is a treat to spend an afternoon in! There are shoes, clothes, hundreds of dolls and the most amazing backgrounds and settings. We all loved the American girl doll store!

Here is Kid4's personal shopper. Although this is truly an awful picture of her she really was a beautiful person who was so sweet and spent a lot of time with Kid4 helping her pick her special doll, shoes, clothes and walked kid4 and Kanaani up to the doll salon to get Kanaani's ears pierced. She was so helpful and so lovely. We felt so welcome in Chicago!

Kanaani and Kid4 were fast friends and enjoyed their matching outfits! They had a nice train trip home together and she has adjusted well to her new home. She has settled right into the crib with the other American girl dolls and enjoys having her tangles groomed and clothes changed often.

We loved Chicago. We loved the train. We loved it all. Take a vacation with your kids, it's pure bonding time. Time to talk, get to know them again, laugh, and look into their little souls. Plus, you just might learn something about them that you don't know! Kid4 thank you for giving me a memory I will never forget. Thank you being you, thank you for being unique and for being amazing. I adore you my little goosey!

The Art Institute in Chicago (utterly amazing)

2011-04-20T08:00:00.001-04:00

As a child I dreamed about art, I dreamed in vivid colors and of famous painters. I drew frames around my pictures and dreamed about being a famous artist… I use to tell people that my mother was an artist and to me she was. My mother painted and I thought her paintings were beautiful. I got in trouble for lying, but I never felt like I lied because the definition of the word 'artist' is a person who produces paintings or drawings as a profession or hobby and she painted as a hobby. I loved her art, her drawings and her creations. To ME she was a famous artist.

Visiting the art institute of Chicago was literally a dream come true. I have always wanted to go to Europe to see the art, the architecture, the pure beauty but I don't fly… and thats a WHOLE different blog! I could have easily spent all day at the museum and although Kid4 did great she was understandably struggling with appreciating the obvious nudity in many of the paintings. Seems as though many of the 6 year olds there didn't quite get the beauty of it. (understandably)

For me it was a dream, for her it was popcorn and a rare chance to see some inappropriate parts in a frame with her grandma. I loved it, she got a pair of earrings and some great postcards. What a wonderful day in Chicago!

a break from vacation posts...

2011-04-19T07:00:00.000-04:00

While my gorgeous Kid3 (he's usually a lovely and helpful boy by the way…) was doing THIS...

His sister, Kid4 and her best friend were doing THIS….

AND…. Max was doing this….

So I did a lot of cleaning this weekend… WOW… next time Im going to make sure I ask him to stay AWAKE when he babysits! MY GOODNESS! :(

Saturday...

2011-04-16T09:28:00.001-04:00

Have a GREAT Saturday

We're headed to the zoo!!

PERFECTION!

2011-04-14T09:36:00.003-04:00

Here I am just chillin' with Vincent! I LOVED the art museum! I have so much more to tell you about it… but Kid3 and I have been working in the yard and Im exhausted. I'll write more tomorrow. Seeing these paintings in person was a life long dream of mine. There was one piece in particular that was I have dreamed of seeing in person all of my life. It was literally a dream come true. I could have stayed all day… Kid4 found it a little boring though. I would have loved it even at 6. What a perfect way to spend a day…. the Art museum in Chicago… PERFECTION!

hard to find the right words...

2011-04-13T07:00:00.002-04:00

*ASTOUNDING*

*SUPERB*

*STUPEFYING*
*PHENOMENAL*

*REMARKABLE*

The field museum is truly nothing less than mind-blowing. I really can't put This amazing place into words. I could have spent all day there easily, maybe all week. I hate to admit it but I was so exhausted that I barely saw any of it. I probably saw half and even then I paid attention to maybe a quarter. It was the first thing we did when we got to Chicago after traveling for two sleep deprived days. Kid4 soaked it all up running behind my parents, learning everything she could. I was just happy to soak in my Dad and see his face. I adore my dad, have I mentioned that before? At one point I sat for a minute and before I knew my dad was shaking me awake, I have no idea how long I slept in a cozy chair among fossils and tourists… I was too tired to care. I wanted to take in every single bone, every single animal and fact but I was just too tired.

eating on trains with girls...

2011-04-12T07:00:00.001-04:00

Breakfast on the train with this little cutie was absolutely perfect. The conductor walked around and announced breakfast at 6 am and she was ON IT. She said it was a MUST do. She was up and ready. She decided the night before that we NEEDED breakfast in the dining car… we sat with a man who was traveling and was thrilled to sit with a 6 year old and her mom. He asked us about our travels and our plans. She drank juice from a wine glass, the food was FANTASTIC! We had such lovely conversation. We watched the sun rise in the observation car, we hugged each other and waited anxiously for our arrival in Chicago! She was excited to see my parents, meet her new doll Kanaani at the American Girl doll store and experience the museums that awaited us there. I more than anything wanted a nap, but also anxiously awaited our Chicago adventures!

D.C.

2011-04-11T08:00:00.004-04:00

Let's get a few things straight; when you ride the train, Washington D.C. IS on the way to Chicago! AND the Capital building IS NOT the White house! This needed to be clarified for Kid4 and I. Yes, Im embarrassed, but I was confused for a second too! I didn't think it was and she kept saying "it's the white house…… right?" I led her astray… I did correct her, don't worry.

I was exhausted! If it wasn't for this breathtaking girl I would have sat in the train station for the whole SIX hour lay over and never even taken a look outside. I DID NOT want to carry our bags another inch. Once she talked me into it, it was worth the heavy lugging, aching arms and throbbing head for the view and her face. She was thrilled. She filled me with facts about D.C. She was enamored with the thought of being SO close to the Obamas, her favorite first family. She was thrilled to be near the "ancestors of Abraham Lincoln". D.C was thrilling to my little birdie pie, which made it thrilling to me too!

She was in love with the idea of being near the capital. She begged to go to the capital and knock on the door…. I declined. it was REALLY far, and I didn't see us being able to tour it with ALL our bags! Not to mention my arms were literally about to fall off!

The train station was SO busy. She had pizza and I tied her to me and took a little nap. The train station in D.C. was like a mall. There was so much to do and I couldn't do a single thing. I was exhausted, my bags weighed 5,000 pounds and I felt like I hadn't slept in days. I rested and she ate… we had the time of our lives, enjoyed our time together and I wouldn't trade a single minute of it. It was wonderful.

amazing Chicago, memories to cherish

2011-04-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

This picture pretty much sums up our trip but I will tell you more, MUCH MUCH more!

1. I packed too much

2. We used most of it

3. we were very comfortable

4. our stuff was VERY HEAVY

5. Kid4 was helpful but not as strong as I had hoped

6. we shopped and brought home more if you can believe it

7. I would do it again in a heartbeat

8. time with my goosey pie was heaven on earth

9. waking up on the train was not heaven

10. Chicago, museums, art, shopping, and Kid4 was amazing.

another birthday thought..

2011-04-09T11:31:00.006-04:00

my mind races as you keep turning seventeen today….

I woke up and your STILL seventeen today.

When the Dr. handed me beautiful you he never mentioned that you would one day turn seventeen, he never said that you would grow up. I don't know why they leave all those details out? Seventeen feels so old to me. I haven't seen you yet today, you went out to breakfast with Weezy this morning and I just know when I see you I'll melt inside. I know I ask myself all the time; "how did you get so_____" but this time it's different….. I can't put it into words. Maybe it's because at seventeen I was married, settled down in to my life and I am thankful you are still mine, I am so thankful that you are still growing, changing, free to be you, free to grow and be a teenager, free to make choices and free to get to know yourself still.

Im so proud of you, I know I don't tell you enough how amazing you are. Your so beautiful, I know I don't tell you enough how breathtaking you are to me and always have been. You are so brilliant, I know I haven't told you that you are brilliant like I should have. Please know that you are all these things and more! Please remember that you are exceptional my seventeen year old girl, please never forget that no one compares to you. Please remember that I am so thankful that you are mine and even when I am frustrated you are second to none! I love you MISS SEVENTEEN!

Happy Birthday my first baby girl…. how is 17 possible?

2011-04-09T00:00:00.000-04:00

Dear amazing beautiful SEVENTEEN year old girl,

OH MY! OH MY! How can you be seventeen? I distinctly remember the very second you were born. I plainly remember the very minute you were placed into my waiting arms. I can see your little face as we waited for the Dr. to say "it's a girl". You were our one and only surprise! We wanted you to be a surprise, we didn't care if you were a boy or a girl and your dad knew all along you were a girl! The Dr. covered your privates and made us guess…. I was dying! I secretly hoped for a girl, I wanted to drown you in pink… I wanted to buy an ocean of everything pink and swim in it forever and I did.

You were born running. You were born successful. You were born an amazing going somewhere girl and you have been nothing less than perfect. I want you to remember to never change a thing. I want you to remember than when you feel like you should sway with the winds to stand tall my beauty. I want to remember that when you are asked to conform to the worlds standards to look deep into your own heart and soul and follow your rhythm, follow what your heart knows it wants. When the tide pulls you out to swim against it; your strong enough. Be yourself. I have always loved who you are.

Be genuine.

Happy Birthday dear first girl. Happy birthday to the girl who made me fall in love with pink. Happy birthday to the one who showed me how to be strong, to the one who showed me how to be independent. Happy birthday to the strongest girl I know. Happy birthday to the most amazing, most impressive, most independent girl in the world.

YOU are beautiful, YOU take my breath away. I can't believe your mine. Thank you for being my daughter, thank you for loving me everyday. Thank you for being YOU!

Happy seventeenth birthday my daughter.

I'll love you forever.

Momma

dinner for 4 please?

2011-03-29T09:09:00.002-04:00

My birdie pie and I stopped in D.C. on our way to Chicago and although it was an absolute NIGHTMARE (or "nightmarer" as kid4 likes to call it) to haul our bags around it was worth the look on her face when she saw the capital building.

As she walked out of the train station there is stood right in front of us and although she thought it was the white house at first, she was in awe. She dropped her bags and screamed in excitement. She was totally overcome with excitement. Kid4 knew more facts about Washington D.C. than I could ever have imagined… she begged to at least try to visit the Obama's. She just wanted to at least "give them a call" and just "ask if they might want to have dinner". You know because I always call Michelle when I go to Washington :/

Lovely exhaustion is the best way to describe this day with Kid4 in Washington D.C.

My little birdie pie and I took a little vacation together to Chicago. Our adventures were amazing!

2011-03-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

Kid4's amtrack buddy! Nothing like finding a friend!

Kid4 and I hopped a train in Atlanta with visions of skyscrapers, museums and american girl dolls dancing in our heads… we settled in for a long night on the train and she SLEPT. In fact she slept so hard that she kicked the people in front of us several times…. I felt bad and apologized profusely… (I just pretended like I didn't snore- maybe they thought she snored AND kicked).

I kid you not, it took me an hour at least to build our little nest, set out or blankets, get our bags situated, get all comfortable… once I did we hardly moved! She played her games, colored, drew, we talked and best of all she met a friend and they played for hours!

The train is amazing, it's a beautiful way to see the country, the bathroom wasn't too bad, I am totally pretending that she didn't go once barefooted…. there are just some things that you have to try and forget :( We met no crazies, we brought all our own food and snacks and had plenty of space to stretch out.

Travel by train, it's a lovely way to take a breath, see the U.S and enjoy your traveling buddy…. (you might want to consider a sleeper car though, we didn't because I wanted to shop in Chicago).

I love my girl

2011-03-24T07:00:00.001-04:00

Girls are so lovely...

sister dates

2011-03-23T07:00:00.002-04:00

These girls are so sweet together!

They go on little dates.

They have spend the nights.

They have manicure/pedicure days.

They go out to movies and bowling.

They go out to dinner and picnics.

These girls are lovely lovely sister friends.

I love sisters!

daddy daughter love

2011-03-22T19:00:00.002-04:00

4 eyes X 3

2011-03-21T07:00:00.001-04:00

All of us girls

got new glasses.

We may have a little too much in common… LOL

(kid4's are actually dark purple)

AWESOME ADVENTURES

2011-03-18T07:00:00.001-04:00

A VERY GRAND adventure!

Kid4 and I are looking forward to a grand adventure!

WE ARE SO EXCITED!

I can't wait to share our great adventure with you.

I can't wait to tell you all about the fun.

I can't wait to show you all the pictures.

I can't wait to tell you all about the fun people we hung out with!

Don't worry I won't leave out a thing!

she...

2011-03-16T07:00:00.001-04:00

She makes me smile.

She makes me cry.

She makes me feel real.

She makes me laugh.

She makes me gasp.

She makes me want more of life.

She makes me want a nap.

She makes me never want to miss a moment.

She makes me love sweaty summer hugs.

She makes me want to giggle again.

She makes me want to stop time…

and rewind it

just to watch her grow

again and again…

I love you My little girl.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

2011-03-13T17:15:00.002-04:00

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." ~Mencius

If I spent all of the next year writing all that you are to me, there would still be words left unsaid. There isn't anyone else I would want to share the memories of this life with, anyone else I could trust to hold them.

I wanted to get you something spectacular ... something as amazing as you ... so I found this:

but ... turns out the Museum of Modern Art won't sell it!!

the nerve!

I was really in a pickle. (ha!)

This has been a year … of dreams found and lost, wings spread and the occasional fall, whirlwind trips and crazy songs. And that's not even the children! *w*

And this next year … full of changes and surprises and laughter and tears … this year is gonna be GREAT!

(I know because I’ve already put a bird on it)

I love you!

~batgirl

*the starry night, Van Gogh

Happy birthday Fairy cousin

2011-03-12T07:03:00.006-05:00

Dear fairy cousin,

For what feels like my whole life I have loved you. I can distinctly remember the moment we met. I ran to their door with such excitement and you shyly opened it. I can still see your brown thick bob and your red checks. From that moment on we were best friends.

I loved the minutes we spent together dressing up as fairies, running outside for hours, playing games, having sleep overs. Remember when my brother built us that huge wooden fort in my back yard? Remember the hours we use to spend with Lane? (seriously- he was always nicest to us and I wanted to marry him!) Remember my creepy basement? Remember the time you were home with Lane and you thought you were home alone and you called me and I told you to pack all your favorite things and hide outside…. I was so smart!! ;)

Not a day ever went by that I didn't think of you. When years went by and I thought we lost you, I seriously cried for years and years. The lessons you taught me then, and the lessons you are still teaching me you just can't imagine. I have always always loved you so deeply. I don't say this often but I am sure that you were a gift to me from God, I am sure of it. I have always needed you. I needed you back then and so many days I need you now.

Thank you for being my fairy, my angel, my cousin and my friend.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Happy Birthday sweet girl, I hope it's all you have ever dreamed of!

Happy Birthday to you my buh-buh

2011-03-11T20:44:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday to you.

I wish you the BEST in life.

I wish you second, third, and thousandth chances.

I wish you peace.

I wish you happiness.

I wish you quietness in your soul.

I wish you love in your heart.

I wish you true love.

I hope you know how I love you.

You were my first boy, my first real love.

I'll love you forever.

time gone by

2011-03-10T07:00:00.003-05:00

A good and very old friend of mine sent me this picture earlier this week and when I received it I just sat there is awe. I can't believe I was this young once… in fact, I am not even going to tell you how YOUNG I was! Can you even believe how little tiny and sweet Kid1 looked? I never imagined myself this old, I never imagined myself with grown children and here I am looking in the mirror wondering…

if those miracle wrinkle creams work….

and here I sit wondering where the years with my babies have gone…

when did I grow older…

where did 20 years go…

will the next 20 go this fast too…

why can't I remember every detail…

will teenagers REALLY BE the death of me…

HOW is it possible that little TINY boy is graduating THIS year…

AM I going to be able to let him go…

HOW DID HE GROW SO FAST?

WHERE DID THESE YEARS GO?

my goodness time can be so unforgiving….

Happy birthday Dr. Seuss

2011-03-08T07:00:00.002-05:00

As you know last week was Dr. Seuss's birthday and so many elementary schools celebrate this wonderful day with reading and fun. Kid4 does not enjoy dressing up as much as some kids so we usually come to a compromise. We pick comfort and something not embarrassing. I asked her to pick a character and she picked Daisy Head Mayzie. She would quite possibly lose her mind with a bouncing head band so we talked about the best way to compromise and decided to make a barrette with a daisy and she picked her red dress. She felt beautiful, and Dr. Seuss day was a success! Happy reading friends!

a day in middle Georgia with Mr. Stanley

2011-03-07T07:00:00.002-05:00

Bat Girl and I spent a lovely morning showing Mr. Flat Stanley around our town. We took him to a lovely breakfast, turns out he loves ham and eggs! We enjoyed the morning showing him the cotton fields of middle georgia, the breathtaking pecan orchards. We stopped by a peach orchard and showed him how peaches are processed in the summer and let him play at the park for a minute. He was really impressed with the fair grounds and at the end of the day he was snuggled back into his envelope and sent onto New Mexico for his next adventure. Good luck flat Stanley we had a lovely day!

for my daughters...

2011-03-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

swinging through life...

2011-03-03T07:00:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time in a land far far away (Oklahoma) life was simple.

It seems like a lifetime ago that my brother, sister and I use to swing on that fence like we didn't have a care in the world. It seems like an eternity ago that we took turns pushing each other back and forth and now life choices, luck and circumstances have led us down different paths. Some of us hurting, some of us thriving and some us barely holding on by a thread but still swinging. It's hard to watch our siblings suffer through life drowning while we're unsure of what to do to help them. A lifeline is not always possible. It's heartbreaking to watch anyone fall over and over again but it's heart crushing when it's your brother.

Thank God for brothers and sisters, thank God for memories and thank God for free will.

happy birthday Dusty

2011-03-02T07:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Dusty,

Dear little round faced boy, how can it be that you are 14? Today I thought about you all day and felt sad because you were always the "little one" we always referred to you and kid3 as "the little boys" and often we still do but today when I looked across the table at you, at your bright blue eyes and your wide smile and watched you laugh and talk I saw this great big boy and cried inside to myself because I don't want you to be 14, I want you to be 4.

When you were 4 life seemed easier, your face was a circle and matched your glasses, we travelled all over and you talked to me all night while the other kids slept, you called me AshWee and I loved it. When you were 4 you wore little button down shirts, jeans and cowboy boots, you and Kid3 played dress up for hours and hours on end and I just knew life couldn't get any better for you two. When you were 4 your hair was almost white it was so blonde and my Grammie adored you in fact everyone did. We couldn't go anywhere without someone saying how adorable you were and they were right- you were perfectly perfect.

My Dusty I love you so much, you are simply amazing. I love you more and more every year. I always knew you were brilliant, I always knew that your mind was superior and every year you show us just how remarkable you are. Keep being you, keep shining and know that forever and ever you will always be my Dusty, I will always love you. To me you'll always be one of "the little boys".

I love you brilliant boy, happy birthday.

dear stunning teenage bundle of joy...

2011-03-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

An afternoon with my beautiful giggly teenage girl is heaven on earth. To be reminded why I fell in love with her in the first place is the best feeling in the world.

Dear little girl, my first PINK bundle of joy, I have never been able to put into words just quite how you changed us as a family but you gave us the spark we needed. You put a spring in our step and brought us excitement. You made Kid1 a brother and the first time I uttered the words "this is MY daughter" I cried… I practically drown you pink because I could not get enough of having a girl, you were a little bundle of screaming pink joy.

Sometimes throughout your life I forget that your still a little girl at heart, still messy, still growing, still learning and I get frustrated and expect so much from you but today as I listened to you giggle and chatter on and on about boys and math teachers and crushes and converse I fell in love with you all over again. You reminded me to slow down and enjoy the moments with you… you reminded me that you are my little giggly silly girl who I once wrapped tight in a soft pink blanket and nursed for hours on end. You reminded me how I use to gaze at you for hours while I cuddled you in my arms. Today your giggle reminded me of when you were a little girl and I enjoyed every second of this day with you.

Your giggles, your crushes, your beauty takes my breath away. I adore you my stunning daughter, I am so blessed to be your mother and I thank GOD for you every single day. Please keep reminding me who you are, please keep reminding me that you are my little baby girl, the one who I have always adored and be patient as I am learning to be the parent of a very wonderful teenage girl!

I love you to the moon and back angel pie!

love, your momma

Hi- Ho- Hi- Ho- It's off to the E.R. we go...

2011-02-28T00:29:00.003-05:00

Monday morning 12 am E.R. visit with kid1- ear infection. Poor kid.

He suffers so badly from ear infections and they sneak up on him within a matter of hours so tonight when he said his ear was bothering him I knew we only had a few hours until it got REALLY bad. We headed into the E.R. for some late night E.R. memories… you know the odd-bods that are at are lurking in the E.R. at night? The uncovered coughers, the way too large ladies in WAY WAY too small tank tops, the dirty little kids with NO shoes, the strange tattoos and the stranger hair styles? You know! The crazies!

So we laughed, we picked up extra nasty germs, we got antibiotics, we made memories and now were home tucked in bed and ready to sleep for a few hours and face the week.

Happy Monday friends!

:)

2011-02-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

**HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND**

(Kid4 a few years ago)

the sunshine in my life...

2011-02-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

My Dear Kid3, my boy oh' my boy how I love you. There are just not enough words to tell you how happy I am that you are home. I missed you like crazy while you were away at school. The house just wasn't the same without you. You give this house, our family and our hearts a balance that we just can't seem to find without you. You are so lovely, you are so kind and I am so proud of who you are. The way you treat others and the man you are growing into is something to behold. Your ability to know others; really really look inside of them and know their needs is unreal, it's a rare and admirable quality. You are a rare person, an amazing boy and I am honored to be your mom. You take my breath away every day. I still swoon at the sight of you every single morning when I see your smiling face. Thank you for being you, thank you for being extraordinary and thank you for being mine. I treasure you. You will always be my baby. I love you so much more than you will ever know.

Love, Mom

her teacher (just for T)

2011-02-24T07:00:00.001-05:00

Kid4's teacher is a lovely person.

We love her.

Can you tell how Kid4 adores her with the care she took to draw her bangs over to the side so carefully with a green flower?

Can you tell how she adores her every step with her black beautiful shoes?

Can you tell how important she is by the polka dots on her beautiful blue dress and lovely long arms?

Can you see the amount of love piling up next to her from kid4's heart with all those hearts?

Oh Miss C- we love you!

How did we get so lucky as to get another great teacher this year too?

I think you are lovely and beautiful too!

Love Kid4 and her mom!

hangin' out over the weekend

2011-02-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

What did you do this weekend?

This little princesses Daddy came home for a visit.

We took her to the park for a little play time.

We cooked out burgers with Bat Girl and the Shadow.

We just chilled and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine.

I hope your weekend was beautiful too!

move it, move it, move it…

2011-02-18T07:00:00.001-05:00

see this girl...

she drives

Into the neighbors trees...

goodbye sweet little expensive vintage blinker...

through other neighbors yards…

heres what I'm saying-

if you see a little blue CRX (missing a blinker) on the road…

MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!

AND… thats why I blog!

2011-02-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

I have been doing some hard core thinking about my blog lately. I have been asked before if my life as written on my blog is real or just a front and there is an easy answer to that. I never mind answering this question because it's simple.

My blog, my thoughts that I share are my real life, but I don't share the messy parts, the hard times, the times where I'm beside myself in tears, the parts where I'm sure my whole life is going to crumble away any minute. Blogging is like scrap booking in a way. If you are putting together a beautiful book of pictures and memories for your children would you also share the horror stories? Would you also include the miserable parts of your marriage, the days when you think you might actually put the kids up for auction at the local auction house? I wouldn't. I publish my blog into books once a year at Christmas time for my father-in-law and myself and the books are dedicated to my children. My blog is written for them to remember the good times vividly and leave the bad memories behind.

I purposely don't promote my blog by talking about teenagers and sex, teenagers and what they wear, alcoholism, skeletons in my closet or anyone else's because I want to read my own blog and smile and remember my house, remember my children and their funny stories. I want to look back at my own advice and either take it or laugh at it. It's a way to watch myself and my babies grow not a way to expose my children, lay my marriage bare or cause my family or friends discomfort.

I love to blog, I love to write and express myself and I hope that someday my children will look back at these words and be inspired to enjoy the minutes with their children more than I did, love stronger than I did, live healthier than I did and be the best people they can be. I hope for them that they can look back and read these sentences that I have written for them and smile remembering that even though childhood is not as easy as people make it out to be that there were amazingly memorable times. I want them to remember these times as vividly as possible.

and I'm terrible at scrap booking.

SO… you think you "know EVERYTHING"?

2011-02-16T07:00:00.001-05:00

Do you ever hear other parents say "teenagers think they know EVERYTHING"? Do you agree? Do you think that your teenagers, or teenagers in general, think they "know EVERYTHING"? I agree and disagree all at the same time. Sometimes I watch my teens grasp at anything and everything because they are so aware that they know nothing and it's so hard to watch them struggle while knowing they must learn on their own. Sometimes it's horrible to have to watch them be so confident that they know just how to do something that you know they know nothing about and watch them fail.

Do you want to know what I have realized as I am raising teens? I have realized that not only do they not "know everything", I don't "know everything" either. In fact I have come to the sad realization that I know very little. As I watch them stumble down the paths of teenager-hood tripping and falling sometimes and succeeding and skipping along other times I feel like Im on a roller coaster running behind them clapping for the good times and trying to catch them during the bad times all along not knowing anything at all just hoping to do the right things.

Raising teenagers is a helpless feeling, like betting your last dime on a turtle in a horserace. Im crossing my fingers, closing my eyes and praying hard that my kids turn out human at the end of this thing they call teenagers…

Saturday favorites...

2011-02-12T10:32:00.002-05:00

It's Saturday round' these parts and this kid is spending every single second she can with her long lost Daddy! They are out getting the oil changed as I type. She will be attached to him till he puts her to bed Sunday night and leaves again. Oh' this is so hard on her…

I hope your Saturday is full of your favorite things too! (in her case, her favorite thing is Daddy!)

2011-02-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

I miss summer...

a fundraiser AND a date

2011-02-10T07:00:00.001-05:00

Kid4 is ALL about a fundraiser. If her school is having a fundraiser she wants to GO! She's also very good at remembering dates so needless to say we don't miss anything. Monday night was a Stevie B (pizza place) fundraiser for her school and I REALLY did not want to go. She asked her biggest brother, the Kid4 sucker, Kid1 to take her and he was all about some pizza. He took her on a little fundraiser date, this is the picture I received, they had a great time! I wish I would have gotten a picture of them together- they are SO cute together!

her perspective

2011-02-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

A day in the life of Kid4.

These are pictures taken by her this summer…

I love to see a kids perspective…

sleeping babies

favorite cartoon

again

and again...

well you know...

her fish London...

him...

2011-02-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Kid4 is having a REALLY HARD time with her daddy being gone. She misses him something fierce! We had dinner with him Saturday night and she cried and cried on the way home. I'll write more about it later when I can put it into words. She drew this today. I hope this means she's dealing with it… poor Kid4… she's such a daddy's girl.

Daddy...

2011-02-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

WE are really missing Daddy around here lately.

His bright smile and warm laugh...

The way he reads the best bedtime stories- better than ANYONE else...

And all those special things that only Daddies can do the right way…

Daddy hugs, kisses and snuggles.

We miss you Daddy

Love, everyone!

:) happy :)

2011-02-04T07:00:00.002-05:00

I love that my kids are friends…

I always tell my kids that friends will come and go but their siblings are forever.

"walk"

2011-02-03T07:00:00.003-05:00

I had a total inner panic today when I realized that I had never sent a check to the high school for Kid1's cap and gown so I rushed around looking for the note to see if I missed the deadline, finally I gave up and just called the school. I said "Hi, I am Kid1's mom and I totally forgot to pay for his cap and gown and Im totally freaking out inside worried that he won't be able to go to the ceremony"… she reassured me that she had taken his measurements and that I didn't have to pay until April. She very confidently said "He will be able to walk". I took a big breath, thanked her and hung up.

As I hung up, I sat there and re-played the conversation in my head that I just had with the secretary… did she say "walk"? WAIT… wait a COTTON PICKIN' second here…. did she say "walk"? Wait…. didn't he just learn to walk? Is it even remotely possible that he is going to have his name announced, walk across a big stage and graduate from high school? Is my baby old enough to graduate? WHEN did this happen? I sat there and the life of my little boy played in my head and I closed my eyes and remembered him. I closed my eyes and felt his soft yellow hair, I felt my lips on his hot cheeks, I could hear his little baby boy noises in my ear once again. I kept my eyes tightly shut as I watched him learn to crawl and then walk in my mind. I forced my eyes to stay securely closed and watched him sit on those big stairs on his first day of kindergarten, I could just hear his little voice begging me to let him stay home "just one more day".

He grew. He grew up. He's about to "walk". He's about to graduate. I know I'll stand there sobbing like a baby, or will I see a little tiny boy crawling, walking, and running across the stage…? Will his life, the life he had with me flash before my eyes once again? Will I watch him and be paralyzed with mother emotion?

I guess we'll see… don't take your eyes off your babies because before you know it they will "walk", they will fly and well they just won't be your babies anymore.

*boo hoo*

peace

2011-02-02T07:00:00.002-05:00

Do you crave peacefulness? What is peaceful to you? The dictionary describes peace as freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquil. Peace is many things to me, my babies sleeping in my arms quietly, a quiet house after a long day, a long talk with an old friend. I think to me peace always includes some form of quiet. Im not sure that quiet is always peaceful to everyone. I think some find peace in noises and crowds.

I often feel like I can breath again when I get to Mt. Perfect or visit hoofville… a place full of childhood memories gives me a sense of peace and belonging. The long red dirt road to my Grammies house makes me take a breath, fills me with a peace that is unexplainable. The sound of the swaying trees in Mt Perfect allows me to close my eyes and know that I am home.

Do you ever find yourself trying so hard to keep peace that you mess it all up? Do you ever think about how easy peace is to achieve but sometimes feel like it's always out of reach? Whats your peace friends? What makes you breath? What makes you feel totally secure? What makes you close your eyes and know that you are home?

I hope you always have a sense of peace, a way to find it and someone to share it with.

teenagers, car trips and growing up boys...

2011-02-01T07:00:00.002-05:00

While Mr. B. is gone, Im trying to spend alone with each of my kids to connect with them, to remember that they are human and not just my children, children living in my house. Sometimes I get caught up in giving them money, feeding them, making sure they are safe, worrying about them and I forget to ask them about themselves, I forget to talk to them like they are people, my little people that I adore so much.

Yesterday I took Kid1 to visit my brother. It's an almost 3 hour drive up there, and I thought this would be a good time to do some real talking about life ahead of him, some things he needs to work on alone and some things we can work on together. I have to keep reminding myself that 18 is not grown and he still needs my advise.

We talked, we ate a nice lunch together, we visited my brother and we stopped at a revolutionary war cemetery on the way home. It was nice to reconnect with him, hear his thoughts and fears. I'm not the best advise giver, I just want to take it all from them and make it all better… but it doesn't work that way. Why can life be so brutal? When did these kids grow up enough to make their own life messes?

Will we make it through these next few years with 3 teenagers?

Stay tuned!